Phantom888 Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 My woman and I were in bed last night, and we talked about our future, marriage and plans for next year. I brought up a topic that I thought about before, but was waiting for a good time to discuss. She knows that I have retro-jealousy thoughts, and I am working through them, as they really have nothing to do with her. She has been very supportive, and extremely loving and understanding. We are both 39, and have been together almost 6 months. I told her that when we get married, I would like to buy a new bed. At first she thought it was because the mattress is too soft for me. I told her I want to start a new life with her, and knowing that other men have slept here makes me feel uncomfortable as our "marital bed." She never thought about it this way, but agreed with me, as the marital bed is a of sentimental significance. It's like I'm sure she wouldn't want to live in the house that I bought with my ex-wife. It's something about domestic objects that mean more symbolically than just an object. For you men and women, do you think it's reasonable in a serious relationship or marriage to get rid of objects that correlate to past intimacy?
d0nnivain Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 We got a new mattress when we got married b/c I hated his & he hated mine. We didn't get a new bed through. It is a sweet idea. 1
mammasita Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 I think it's a perfectly reasonable request. I'd be more than willing to do something like that, I'm with you on the symbolism. 1
Divasu Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 That's so weird. I had the same thought the other night (about the new bed thing). It was completely random. I don't think I'd mind getting a new bed, heck if it can be a brand new bed that is super duper comfy and bigger, why not? My only concern in your case, is, the retro jealousy has already surfaced several times in your relationship. While she may be okay with it, you want to try to avoid putting her in the position where she is constantly having to "pretzel" herself due to your retro jealousy. It puts a lot of weight on the relationship and if she feels as though she always has to reassure you, that can erode her emotionally and the relationship over time. 2
pteromom Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 I agree it is reasonable to get a new mattress. I don't think it is even a retro jealousy issue. You don't want to think about someone else's fluids under your sheets every night. Some objects are off-limits though. I feel it is unfair to ask someone to get rid of photos, letters, or other memories of their life before you. Put them away in a drawer, sure. 1
WaitingforMrRight Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 In agreement – a totally reasonable (and sweet) request. 1
bentleychic Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 I totally agree. I actually took my mattress from my marriage, but need and plan to get a new one ASAP. Wish I'd been able to afford one before having company on it, BUT it wasn't the biggest priority at the time. 1
LilGirlandOW Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 When my bf just moved I helped set up his bedroom, everything was new from furniture down to even bedding, a fresh start, and it is a nice feeling to know that only he and I (and the kidlets) have slept there . We are both kinda mushy that way about things that are just ours so it works for us 1
ScienceGal Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 Completely reasonable to me. I've had the same thought. Also, when I buy a home, I really want a California king-sized bed, so my purchase will have a dual purpose!
nomadic_butterfly Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 My woman and I were in bed last night, and we talked about our future, marriage and plans for next year. I brought up a topic that I thought about before, but was waiting for a good time to discuss. She knows that I have retro-jealousy thoughts, and I am working through them, as they really have nothing to do with her. She has been very supportive, and extremely loving and understanding. We are both 39, and have been together almost 6 months. I told her that when we get married, I would like to buy a new bed. At first she thought it was because the mattress is too soft for me. I told her I want to start a new life with her, and knowing that other men have slept here makes me feel uncomfortable as our "marital bed." She never thought about it this way, but agreed with me, as the marital bed is a of sentimental significance. It's like I'm sure she wouldn't want to live in the house that I bought with my ex-wife. It's something about domestic objects that mean more symbolically than just an object. For you men and women, do you think it's reasonable in a serious relationship or marriage to get rid of objects that correlate to past intimacy? Come to think of it, I'd probably want the same! Nothing wrong with that at all :-).
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