forgetmenot75 Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 He'll probably call you. Maybe in one week, maybe in one month. He's exploring now. Let him be. He could have said "no", he wasn't attached to his ex, yet one thing is to say it, another to feel it. divorces are extremely painful. I've endured (I'm enduring) one myself. Lots of emotions, mixed feelings, etc. your rule is just perfect. I agree 100% with you. If you have time, and are interested, read the book "He's not that into you". Very informative, and funny as well. and for the people who advised her to call him after all the red flags, I advise to read the book as well before posting on here. 1
Nyla Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 (edited) He'll probably call you. Maybe in one week, maybe in one month. He's exploring now. Let him be. He could have said "no", he wasn't attached to his ex, yet one thing is to say it, another to feel it. divorces are extremely painful. I've endured (I'm enduring) one myself. Lots of emotions, mixed feelings, etc. your rule is just perfect. I agree 100% with you. If you have time, and are interested, read the book "He's not that into you". Very informative, and funny as well. and for the people who advised her to call him after all the red flags, I advise to read the book as well before posting on here. The SATC episode which inspired that book is even funnier. It is very easy to figure out if a man is interested in a woman. Edited November 14, 2013 by Nyla
Author WaitingforMrRight Posted November 14, 2013 Author Posted November 14, 2013 Well, this sort of starts a whole other topic, but I REALLY hate that book and the guy who wrote it is such a douche. And I can't stand how some people 'live' by it. It makes it sound like every relationship should be on a man's terms, and that the man should always be in control. The premise is correct, but it's not that cut and dry. At the end of the day, if you use common sense you should be fine. All the "rules" are annoying. Feel how you want to feel and proceed in a way that works best for you when it comes to dating. It's like...you don't need to hit me over the head with a brick for me to understand that the guy is not into me. I get that part. Mixed messages are one thing, but why portray something so opposite from the way you feel? That is the part that doesn't make sense. Men... 1
Emilia Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 It's like...you don't need to hit me over the head with a brick for me to understand that the guy is not into me. I get that part. Mixed messages are one thing, but why portray something so opposite from the way you feel? That is the part that doesn't make sense. Men... If he is fresh out of something long term and he was telling the truth then he is just rubbish at this. People who have been out of the game for a while usually are. You can't expect other people to clearly communicate in terms of expectations and self-awareness. You have to do all that work yourself. The only thing you can do is to hold back and get to know them over a period of time. He doesn't have the dating experience anywhere near that you have or he is rusty. I was after my divorce. I had no clue as to what I was doing.
Author WaitingforMrRight Posted November 14, 2013 Author Posted November 14, 2013 Not to beat a dead horse, but he actually never said he was "divorced" - he just said he wasn't married anymore. I used the term divorce (on here)...I probably shouldn't have, because I don't actually know the truth and I didn't ask. My fault. He seemed to be really well adjusted overall (one of the things that made him so attractive), but I probably should have taken that with a grain of salt also. I'd like to think that this guy is for the most part a decent, honest man who doesn't really know what the f*ck he wants right now and got caught up in a whirlwind moment of romance because he hasn't had real romance in a long time. Then he came to his senses. I just wish men like this would not approach women like me, who clearly state in their profile that they are looking for an LTR. Otherwise Who_Knows, I agree with you
Leigh 87 Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 (edited) Not to beat a dead horse, but he actually never said he was "divorced" - he just said he wasn't married anymore. I used the term divorce (on here)...I probably shouldn't have, because I don't actually know the truth and I didn't ask. My fault. He seemed to be really well adjusted overall (one of the things that made him so attractive), but I probably should have taken that with a grain of salt also. I'd like to think that this guy is for the most part a decent, honest man who doesn't really know what the f*ck he wants right now and got caught up in a whirlwind moment of romance because he hasn't had real romance in a long time. Then he came to his senses. I just wish men like this would not approach women like me, who clearly state in their profile that they are looking for an LTR. Otherwise Who_Knows, I agree with you I would be mighty confused too, you know, he may very well have meant what he said to you... He may just be not ready to date and his feelings for you scared him. Who really knows? You probably never will. I wish I knew the truth about the last guy who completely ACTED like he was head over heals falling in love with me, only to dssapear when I stuffed up a few times ( rather than calling me to sort it out or dump me propery). I actually do not think most men are scumbag liars. I have a feeling my recent ex was genuinely falling hard for me in the manner in which he demonstrated. I don't think all guys lie. He may have been into you. It is not as simplistic as ALWAYS assuming that, if he doesnt call you and set about concrete plans to be with you; that he is just not int you. There may be legit reasons why he dissapeared. His recent seperation could very well be one of them. .................................. After my long term R failed, I did meet other guys and to be honest, my intense feelings for them DIDN;T worry me. I was done with my ex and didn't get cold feet after a great date. He could be confused or scared by is new found freedom, or maybe he just wasn't that into you. OR, perhaps he WAS into you but changed his mind. A guy once did that to me! He THOUGHT he was reallllly into me, only to realise that I was not really for him. I am a tad quirky and weird .................................... Look, whether he lied, was honest at the time but changed his mind OR if he genuinely wasn't ready for you... You will never know. Let it go, good luck with your dating and update us if the fcker comes back! If he comes back, as much as I know I would want to jump on my recent ex, I would need to at least demand that hey, if you wanna be in my life, it will have to be as a friend until I know who you really are. Most people would advise you to ignore if he comes back. Personally, if my ex did after dissapearing, I would allow him to be friends with me. If he trul wanted to be around me, he would prove himself over time. Edited November 14, 2013 by Leigh 87
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