randuff Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 So I have been single for quite a while, 6 years now. I was hesitant after my last break up to jump into the dating scene because it took a while to get over the ex-fiancé. We had dated for close to 5 years. About me : I am 40, fit, I consider myself good looking. I have tattoos, drive a nice vehicle, have a great job, make good money. Single dad, take care of my elderly mother, have a new house. The point of me mentioning the above is to (maybe convince myself) that it shouldn't be hard for me to find a date, but it is. I'm no A-hole, mean or anything like that either. So why is it difficult to find someone? I am not a bar/club person so going there is out of the question. I have tried online dating both on Match and EHarmony with practically no luck whatsoever. I do tend to be picky and have a certain "type" but I have tried to communicate with dozens of women and no real responses. I don't have a canned reply to profiles, I actually read the profiles and mention something from it. I know this is a numbers game but good gosh.... I also work long hours and don't really get a chance to socialized with what little free time I do have. I try to spend most of my free time with my son (who is 14.) Maybe I'm just venting but if someone has any thoughts on this I would be grateful.
CptSaveAho Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 OLD = crap coffee shop, bookstore, volunteer, church, sporting events, etc disconnect from the matrix and talk to real people... dont comprimise your standards 1
d0nnivain Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 When I was single I read a lot of self help books about meeting people. Navigating this brave new world can be complex & I hadn't been single an on the open market outside of an academic environment. A lot of what I read was pop psychology crap but some of it (on both sides for men & women) boiled down to putting your best foot forward & having some self respect. One of the things that resonated with me was that you should treat finding a new relationship like finding a job. Be diligent in your search but be selective & don't come off as desperate. So I started to plot my search & take affirmative steps rather than the laid back college approach which was I'll probably meet somebody at tonight's party & if not then tomorrow. Another tip I found helpful was the idea that you have use multiple avenues to meet new people. Some suggestions are: 1. OLD (imho paid sites offer more quality than free ones) but you have to be pithy 2. telling friends & family you are open to being fixed up Not necessarily blind dates but if they are having a party perhaps somebody knows somebody I think it was this site . . . somebody said they put a post on their FB page asking their network if anybody knew anybody & he had all sorts of offers for introductions 3. getting involved in a cause you believe in --politics, save the spotted owl, whatever 4. volunteering somewhere -- a hospital, habitat for humanity, a pet rescue . . . again what you care about 5. looking around at work . . . who else works in your building? who eats lunch near you? who do you see everyday during your commute? 6. speed dating (they always need men) 7. playing on a sports team 8. joining a service group like the elks, the moose, rotary, the kiwainis 9. business / professional networking events 10. alumni associations 11. the gym 12 . MeetUp.com -- I used to go to a thing where we played board games; it was a very laid back way to get to know people 13. singles events -- there are ones for every interest. I joined one called Leashes & Lovers b/c I could bring my dog & he was a great ice breaker; there are wine ones; there is a group out there that sets you up to play golf or tennis if you are into that 14. Church 15. A paid matchmaking service . . . one of the more economical is one called It's Just Lunch 16. taking or teaching a class (outside of an academic environment, it's OK to date the teacher) 17. at the grocery store, library, wherever you get your morning coffee; smile & say hi. You never know 18. take a singles cruise 19 there used to be a group called Parents Without Partners which was a singles thing for people who had kids 20. your kids' events: who else is sitting alone cheering on the pee wee team? 1
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