Lady_Rainicorn Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 I have confessed to my boyfriend about snooping through his phone, I know there isn't any reason to justify my actions, I know it was wrong but I did it anyway. Reason being was we broke up for maybe a month, I found out he got back in contact with his old friends and I was wondering what he told them about me. So I looked and found a few things I didn't like. Then again, what you are looking for, you will find. I found out he told a couple of people that he was mind fu__ed, he told his sons mother that I didn't like his son, and another woman he would go on play dates with text him saying "well now you can talk to whoever you want" so I'm assuming he told her that he wasn't allowed to do so which was never the case. All of these are lies, I was furious when I read them, I didn't confront him about it, I just enjoyed the present and didn't want to bring up the past. Well we got into an argument a couple of days ago, and I came out and told him what I saw on his phone. I didn't tell him why I looked through his phone, and during the argument I didn't bring up what was said in the texts, I did apologize for invading his privacy and looking through his phone. He said that he lost trust in me and doesn't know if it can be repaired, and he also said that he thinks that alone is enough to break up. I did apologize, and told him I hope he could forgive me and hope to regain his trust. Do you all think this is something that can be repaired? I think we were both wrong, him for saying those awful lies about me and me for snooping through his stuff. I do love him and want to work through this.
Philosoraptor Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 Eh, he wasn't really in the wrong. People vent at the end of a relationship and bend the truth in order to gain sympathy. Just natural human reaction. You need to trust that once you get back with someone that they will fix that themselves. While it's not nice, venting isn't a breach of trust. It's just expressing his feelings to the people still in his life. Trust is something hard to regain, but if the relationship is something you both want it is something that can be worked at. What led to the end of the relationship to begin with? Are those issues fixed? If so, this could be repaired with time and patience. If those issues aren't fixed, what makes you believe the relationship wouldn't follow that same path anyways?
MoooOinkBaaa Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 (edited) Yeah I thought loads of **** about my ex too when I was angry after the break-up. I wouldn't of brought it up you should just be happy you got another chance if it's a good relationship! My ex is saying a lot of stuff on Twitter but I know that's post-breakup her not the real her. Of course it can be repaired, well I don't really think it's a big deal. I wouldn't care if my girlfriend did that, no harm was done. Yeah you broke his trust but meh life's too short to break-up if you both love each other. Maybe he took it badly though, just try and be on the same level of understanding as him as long as reasonable. Edited November 13, 2013 by MoooOinkBaaa
Author Lady_Rainicorn Posted November 13, 2013 Author Posted November 13, 2013 I'm not sure what had lead to our break up a couple months ago. It was out of the blue, he did tell me when we got back together that he was really stressed out because of work. Then last week, he told me he was trying to make it work. Trying!? I don't like that he made up lies about me, all that he said were lies, he may want sympathy from his friends, but don't make up lies, be honest! He said to give him a few days because he wants to think through things, and get his energy level back up. So, now I'm just waiting....
Philosoraptor Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 So he bailed because of stress? What makes you think he wouldn't bail again because of stress? And could you get over everything he said to others? Knowing that every time you are in the presense of those people... or that he's talking to them... that they may be judging you based on lies? Don't wait. You made a mistake and apologized. He either accepts it or he doesn't... but it's not your job to put your life on hold for a maybe. Personally if I were in either of your shoes I would cut ties. Too much stress and worry for something that has already failed before.
d0nnivain Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 Looking through people's phones & reading their e-mails is tricky because you usually find stuff you didn't want to know. What was worse here is that your disclosure came during an argument. If you had confessed in a calmer moment, it may have been less hurtful to him & he would have had time to process. I have to agree Philosoraptor. The future of this relationship rests in part on the past. If what drove you apart then hasn't been corrected, you are doomed. The fact that you are already fighting & you didn't trust enough to avoid the temptation of looking in his phone are red flags. I think you also have to discuss his statements to his son's mother. Does he perceive you to not like his son? Will the baby mama cause trouble if she mistakenly thinks her kid is in danger or unwelcome around you? Saying you screed with his mind & him talking to another woman while you were apart are typical break up scenarios. This thing with his son is much more important.
Author Lady_Rainicorn Posted November 13, 2013 Author Posted November 13, 2013 So he bailed because of stress? What makes you think he wouldn't bail again because of stress? And could you get over everything he said to others? Knowing that every time you are in the presense of those people... or that he's talking to them... that they may be judging you based on lies? Don't wait. You made a mistake and apologized. He either accepts it or he doesn't... but it's not your job to put your life on hold for a maybe. Personally if I were in either of your shoes I would cut ties. Too much stress and worry for something that has already failed before. I feel like our last argument was because of stress, he blames everyone for it ..his boss, his work, his ex wife and I'm the one that suffers. I don't really suffer, I try to be as supportive as I can but he takes it all out on me and I deal with it pretty well. I am over what he said, it's hurtful but I am over it and I don't really care what the others think about me because I know they are lies, what hurt most was that he made them up. I'm thinking after this break he'll come to me and tell me we should just go our separate ways, I am expecting the worse, I'm not sitting around moping that's for sure. I did that the first time we broke up, I was depressed and I won't let myself be in that state of mind again.
Author Lady_Rainicorn Posted November 13, 2013 Author Posted November 13, 2013 Looking through people's phones & reading their e-mails is tricky because you usually find stuff you didn't want to know. What was worse here is that your disclosure came during an argument. If you had confessed in a calmer moment, it may have been less hurtful to him & he would have had time to process. I have to agree Philosoraptor. The future of this relationship rests in part on the past. If what drove you apart then hasn't been corrected, you are doomed. The fact that you are already fighting & you didn't trust enough to avoid the temptation of looking in his phone are red flags. I think you also have to discuss his statements to his son's mother. Does he perceive you to not like his son? Will the baby mama cause trouble if she mistakenly thinks her kid is in danger or unwelcome around you? Saying you screed with his mind & him talking to another woman while you were apart are typical break up scenarios. This thing with his son is much more important. He did mention that What was worse here is that your disclosure came during an argument. I could have came clean this weekend when he asked if I had anything to tell him and I couldn't muster up the courage to do so because I felt like it would add more fuel to the fire. His ex had questioned him about me, because his son wanted to stay the weekend with me while he was in Dallas, he even stayed extra nights because he didn't want to go to his moms, I enjoy his company he is a great kid, at times he can be a handful which all kids are but I understand that it's just for the moment. I want to move on from the past, but he brought it up in our last argument. I don't want to talk about anything that happened in the past because we are not there anymore. I did want to come clean about what I did. And I see what you're saying, me checking his phone to see what he said about me was being in the past. I did not bring it up nor did I think about it, I left it alone until yesterday when i told him I had to come clean about it.
Philosoraptor Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 I feel like our last argument was because of stress, he blames everyone for it ..his boss, his work, his ex wife and I'm the one that suffers. I don't really suffer, I try to be as supportive as I can but he takes it all out on me and I deal with it pretty well. I am over what he said, it's hurtful but I am over it and I don't really care what the others think about me because I know they are lies, what hurt most was that he made them up. I'm thinking after this break he'll come to me and tell me we should just go our separate ways, I am expecting the worse, I'm not sitting around moping that's for sure. I did that the first time we broke up, I was depressed and I won't let myself be in that state of mind again. So if he takes everything out on you why even wait around for him to end it? I'd tell him that you have no interest in continuing the relationship, then move on with your life.
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