I don't think i want to stay in this marriage any longer

[Eivuwan]

That is terrible i feel terrible for your cousin, did he ever realize at least his mother was too controlling? i hope my husband eventually does, i just feel really sad in my marriage and its affecting us both to the point that it feels like we are an old couple that has been married for 20+ years instead of 2 years. I just can't take another 20 years of this i just can't it pains me because i still am in love with my husband and i know he adores me but there really is nothing else i can do and am so angry that i feel like telling him thank your family for this, but i know his family would say its my fault screw me and say all these things to put the blame on me and my husband will believe them.

 

That may very well happen, but just know that you cannot control other people. It's unfortunate that you can see what is going on and he may never. Good luck OP.

[emva07]

Hi everyone, so i brought up divorce to him today and told him i can't deal with his mother meddling 24/7 and he turned things around on me said i don't like his family and we just got in to a huge fight, i just couldn't take it anymore, he even told me that i hate his mother and blah blah, and i told him i just think she is extremely intrusive and annoying and that they lived their life and we can't even live ours and i told him that he should have married his mother and not me and everything just blew up the tension was just so intense everything went out the window. I even yelled out of anger and frustration and told him his sister is not his damn daughter thats not his responsibility and he still said i wouldn't understand that relationship He kept saying thats his family and what not, and after everything sorta cooled off he pretty much told me i feel like your tired of everything and i fear you leaving me, he says he doesn't want me to leave or cheat on him and blah blah and i told him i would never cheat but i will leave and he kept saying but thats my family. i just don't know what else to do he just doesn't freaking get it i understand its his family and i would never ask him to choose or stop communicating but just to draw the damn line am devastated and desperate!

 

Yeah I think you are beyond the point of giving him an explanation, it is falling on deaf ears.

 

At this point it is more of "I want a divorce, period" no more arguing about it.

[pteromom]

Before you file, maybe you need to approach this issue in another way?

 

Instead of complaining about his family, approach it telling him what you want and need in a marriage.

 

I want to be able to have sex with you.

I want to feel important to you.

I want to have a private life with you.

I want to have alone time in our home.

 

Maybe if you lay it out that way, he can come up with some solutions.

 

But - if it is as bad as you say, he is likely brainwashed to think there is nothing weird about his situation. He really needs counseling.

[SerCay]

Well, I think you have to put divorce on the table at this point. It seems that he truly does not care about the level of distress his family is putting on you and you're below his family in his priority list. I am just amazed that you managed to put up with this for all those years before you guys got married.

 

My parent's marriage failed because of this. My mom accepted it for 20+ years. I know my dad was taking her for granted, he now admits so. They've spent ten thousands of euros on his parents.

 

You are young, you shouldn't be taken for granted.

 

It's ultimatum time. > divorce the parents, or divorce you. period.

 

(I recognise this might be a cultural thing..)

[Mr. Lucky]

(I recognise this might be a cultural thing..)

bluedays, are you and you husband from the same ethnic background?

 

Mr. Lucky

[bluedays]

our backgrounds is not the case we are both americans, his mother is just very clingy and overbearing because my husband is her absolute everything she is literally obsessed with my husband thats her favorite child. For those who said marriage counseling my husband is against it because he truly believes all this is not a big deal or sees anything wrong here i have tried to get him to go to therapy. My in-laws came over today again and my mother in law started sorta pushing me to have children because she says she isn't getting younger ugh..( i thought it was up to me not her to decide when it was the right time) if they only knew i went to see a lawyer today to discus divorce.

 

I can't do this anymore, whenever me and my husband have a fight his mother takes his side and everybody tackles me when is about me and my husband's personal problems. I can't even discuss things with him because his family is always in the way. His mother is never in her home she is always coming over every single weekend and after work and just all the time, i get out of work and its just a freaking lovely encounter to see her when i get home to clean after them, they are always making a mess.

 

I was thinking of talking to my in-laws personally to set boundaries to let them know they can't come whenever they want etc since my husband won't do it himself. But knowing my husband's family this will cause huge problems more than now.

 

anyways, i sat with a lawyer today to discuss my situation and i realized i can't be married to his family anymore i need to be married to him, and i know he will be extremely hurt by this but his family is controlling my marriage and its unbearable, it hurts a lot so much but I'm becoming more and more furious every time i see his family and its getting to the point that i just resent them and want to scream at them to back the F** off and thats not a good thing:(

[Eivuwan]

our backgrounds is not the case we are both americans, his mother is just very clingy and overbearing because my husband is her absolute everything she is literally obsessed with my husband thats her favorite child. For those who said marriage counseling my husband is against it because he truly believes all this is not a big deal or sees anything wrong here i have tried to get him to go to therapy. My in-laws came over today again and my mother in law started sorta pushing me to have children because she says she isn't getting younger ugh..( i thought it was up to me not her to decide when it was the right time) if they only knew i went to see a lawyer today to discus divorce.

 

I can't do this anymore, whenever me and my husband have a fight his mother takes his side and everybody tackles me when is about me and my husband's personal problems. I can't even discuss things with him because his family is always in the way. His mother is never in her home she is always coming over every single weekend and after work and just all the time, i get out of work and its just a freaking lovely encounter to see her when i get home to clean after them, they are always making a mess.

 

I was thinking of talking to my in-laws personally to set boundaries to let them know they can't come whenever they want etc since my husband won't do it himself. But knowing my husband's family this will cause huge problems more than now.

 

anyways, i sat with a lawyer today to discuss my situation and i realized i can't be married to his family anymore i need to be married to him, and i know he will be extremely hurt by this but his family is controlling my marriage and its unbearable, it hurts a lot so much but I'm becoming more and more furious every time i see his family and its getting to the point that i just resent them and want to scream at them to back the F** off and thats not a good thing:(

 

You are going through a very hard time. Leaving someone who you have cared for for so many years is never easy even if there were a lot of problems. I suspect that once you leave the environment and never have to deal with his in-laws again it would take a lot to make you go back to him. You have been chained down for so long that you don't know how good freedom feels. That is my opinion.

[PinkInTheLimo]

My parent's marriage failed because of this. My mom accepted it for 20+ years. I know my dad was taking her for granted, he now admits so. They've spent ten thousands of euros on his parents.

 

You are young, you shouldn't be taken for granted.

 

It's ultimatum time. > divorce the parents, or divorce you. period.

 

(I recognise this might be a cultural thing..)

 

This also ruined my parent's marriage. They never divorced but it was hell. My father was simply married a lot more to his family than to my mother. She suffered a lot from it.

 

I also had a boyfriend who had a horrible witch of a sister and one of the reasons I broke up with him was her. She was the only girl with 3 brothers and a father (mother died when they were young) and boy, did she wrap them around her finger and did she have the total say on their lives. She did not think I was a good girlfriend for my boyfriend. When she married, she forbid her brother to bring me to her wedding. That was the end of our relationship. I told him that if he went to that wedding without me, I would break up with him and that's what happened.

 

The only way your marriage can survive is when you and your husband move far away from his family and draw a very strict line between you and them. Unfortunately he is too much under the spell to side with you in this. He is married to his family not you.

 

I think divorcing is the only thing you can do. I understand that it breaks your heart. I hope for you that it will be a wake-up call for your husband.