Sweeetie Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 (edited) I'm 24. I have been dating a guy for a couple of months who's one year younger than me, and we like each other a lot. He is a really happy guy which suits me very well because I am a happy girl, but he is also a bit childish. At first this put me off because I tend to go for mature men (not older men, just of my age), but then I grew to like who he was and we have a lot of fun. The problem is that because he is child-like, I feel I cannot talk to him about serious stuff. We had a few disagreements which we talked about mainly through text, but if we start disagreeing about something face to face he finds it really disturbing and "not fun" so he wants to stop. This is becoming very disturbing for me, particularly after one incident that happened last weekend. I said to him that he must come visit my old neighbourhood where my parents live one day soon (my parents have said they would like to meet him). He was very hesitant and said that he thinks my parents come from a very strict culture (since they grew up in a different country) and that they may not be happy with him hanging out with me. I told him that I had already told my parents that we are together, 6 weeks ago, and that they are very happy for us, I told him that my parents know we are going on a weekend vacation abroad next month and are excited for me, and that my parents are fine with all of it, but he just kept saying "no I think they are strict". This was annoying me and I asked him to explain why he thinks that, to which he just replied "can we leave it now?" Ofcourse I didn't let him "drop the topic" until he answered my question, then he just said "if I answer your question can we then leave it?" I think this was quite immature of him because we were talking about something important to me and he was being quite disrespectful when he said he wants to leave it. If he doesn't want to meet my parents that is fine, but to just say a false assumption that he made against them and then not elaborate on it when I ask him was quite rude. He just can't take it when our talk is anything apart from light-hearted and fun. How do I make him more easy to communicate with? What can I say to him? Edited November 13, 2013 by Sweeetie
madjac74 Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 It isn't uncommon for a man to meet a great girl and feel inferior to her and be totally unworthy of meeting her parents. I am not sure it is a childish thing because it can happen to the most mature, successful and confident guys.
mammasita Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 Give him 5 years to grow up. Honestly, I dont think there is anything you can do. Unfortunately the more you push, the more he will retreat. IMO, you two may not be compatible in that sense.
Ouroboros Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 Sounds like you want to argue and he doesn't. He knows if he indulged you then he would be purposefully stepping on a landmine creating an even longer, more involved argument. Who would knowingly do that unless they love to argue? These "mature" guys were my guess good at giving you back the business which you respected. Notice you aren't with them any longer. Fire and ice relationships can't last.
d0nnivain Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 You can't make him communicate more. He's just not wired like that. If you want deep conversations he's not your guy. You may get him to be a bit more chatty by getting him to talk more about subjects he thinks are interesting or fun & not pushing him so hard about the deep stuff. My husband doesn't talk about stuff. One of his friends died in an accident over the weekend. He came to me to talk about it. {I knew it had to be bad if he wanted to talk}. Our discussion lasted for 5 whole minutes. As for meeting your parents, back off. He's not ready. You may have embarrassed him by informing him that your parents know you two are going away for a weekend. He may be more conservative then he's letting on in the sense that he would have preferred your parents no know the details of your relationship. 1
Author Sweeetie Posted November 13, 2013 Author Posted November 13, 2013 (edited) Thanks for the replies so far guys. I just want to clarify that this thread is not about him meeting my parents; as I said in my original post I am fine with him not feeling comfortable with it. This thread is about communication. It just seems that whenever I want to talk about stuff that's bothering me he gets really uncomfortable because it diverts away from the usual 'smiley and happy' time that we have. I want both fun times and good talks in a relationship, he just wants fun times. During the conversation where I was getting annoyed with him and asking him why he thinks my parents are strict when they're not, he even started picking up chestnuts (we were walking in a park) and wouldn't answer my question till I kept asking him!!! He says he is the type of person who does not tend to talk about things bothering him, maybe that's why he doesn't take talks so seriously. But I cannot have such a relationship. How do I get it through to him that I need him to give me his attention when I'm talking about something important? Edited November 13, 2013 by Sweeetie
d0nnivain Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 You pick your battles. Not everything is important so if you really need his attention on something you have to make it count. If this is going to bug you -- & you are allowed to let it bug you -- the two of you may not be compatible in the long haul. Sorry. 1
clia Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 Thanks for the replies so far guys. I just want to clarify that this thread is not about him meeting my parents; as I said in my original post I am fine with him not feeling comfortable with it. This thread is about communication. It just seems that whenever I want to talk about stuff that's bothering me he gets really uncomfortable because it diverts away from the usual 'smiley and happy' time that we have. I want both fun times and good talks in a relationship, he just wants fun times. During the conversation where I was getting annoyed with him and asking him why he thinks my parents are strict when they're not, he even started picking up chestnuts (we were walking in a park) and wouldn't answer my question till I kept asking him!!! With all due respect, you have been dating this guy for only two months. In my opinion, at two months in your relationship should pretty much solely be about fun times and good times. How many of these serious type conversations have you initiated with him in the past eight weeks? It's one thing if it's one time, but I'm not getting that impression. If you want to vent about stuff, call one of your girlfriends. For many guys, there is nothing that is a bigger turn off than getting into these super serious conversations at a too early stage in the relationship. Have you two even discussed exclusivity, exchanged "I love yous" or anything like that? So, I don't blame him for not wanting to get into serious discussions with you at this point. You should be in your honeymoon stage with him, butterflies, bouncing off the walls with excitement. Fun. Not repeated serious conversations. You are going to push him away if you keep it up.
vtran31 Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 as a guy, all I can say is a lot of men act this way. We like to keep things simple and don't want to make them heavy. Meeting parents complicates things because immediately the issue of marriage seeps into the context. I don't know this guy so I can't say, but he could just want a no strings relationship (which doesn't exist for anyone) I hope that helps in some small way. Best of luck to both of you
Recommended Posts