290591 Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 My partner works away Monday to Friday and for a period of a few months over the summer during the week would not talk to me / answer my calls at all but still returning home at weekends. Then all of a sudden this behaviour stops and he goes back to being loving and caring again, a couple of weeks later we get the happy news I'm pregnant with our second child and life is perfect or so I think. Another few weeks later and I discover through some work paperwork that he had shared a taxi back to his apartment away with another woman, I call him to ask who this was and over the course of a day he tells me he was seeing a woman from work who came on strongly to him over the course of six weeks and she would stay at his Monday nights and Tuesday nights, he says there was no emotional attachment and it was just sex, I don't understand if this is possible?? He says he ended before we discovered my pregnancy he loves me and our family and would never do it again, I asked him to leave four weeks ago and he has not lived here since however I'm so confused if I want to reconcile. I want to be a family but how can you ever rebuild the trust again? We have been together seven years.
harrybrown Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 Does he still work away from you during the week? Are you married? Has he stopped contacting her and how do you know? Maybe you might consider R if he changed his job, stopped seeing her, became transparent to you and became a monk. But I do not think he can change this much. Make sure he supports you with at least child support. I hope you contact a good attorney. Do you live in a place where after seven years, you have a common-law marriage? (another question for your attorney)
Spark1111 Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 what is he doing to prove he wants to commit to you and only you? has he given you all the passwords to his phone, commuter, email account? Has he proven to you he has gone NC? is he traveling again? How often does he call? Is he in counseling? Is he fighting for you? The relationship? 2
ChooseTruth Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 what is he doing to prove he wants to commit to you and only you? has he given you all the passwords to his phone, commuter, email account? Has he proven to you he has gone NC? is he traveling again? How often does he call? Is he in counseling? Is he fighting for you? The relationship? Exactly, my answer would be a set of questions just like this as well. NC = no contact. Meaning he never sees the AP (affair partner) again for life. Does he express love? Has he apologized, legitimized your pain, and expressed shame. Has he showed how he will figure out what it was within himself that made this happen? Has he shown that he is taking steps to prevent it from ever happening again? What do his actions say if you ignore his words? 1
vera345 Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 I am so sorry that you are going through this. I am in a very similar situation, pregnant with second child and after many attempts to reconcile after his affair, decided to go separate ways. I wanted to save my marriage, however, his acts didn't match his words. You have to look at his acts. What exactly he is doing other then telling you those things? Is he telling you where he goes? Do you have full access to his email, phone, computer, etc. Did he promise you to not contact that woman again? My husband cried and told me how much he loves me and how sorry he was. I wanted to believe him but I would always find out that he was communicating with ow. He even sent her a NC letter, and later I found out that he was writing her again. So please do not trust their words alone, watch him and his actions 1
vera345 Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 You can rebuild the trust but he has to be willing to work on it. And it may take years. Right now, he should be doing everything you ask and what you need him to do to earn your trust back. This is why people ask you those questions, you can't rebuild it alone and he needs to put a lot of work into it. If he doesn't you are going forward divorce.
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