I have BPD, now what?

[Lizrd3000]

I've got a girlfriend of 6 months, we broke up once due to my insecurities becoming too much for her to handle, the BU lasted a month and a half, now we're back together for 5 days.

 

Let me tell you, this BU changed alot. My fear of abondonment has lessened, but I'm afraid it'll come back once again.

 

The BU litterally destroyed me, I was so hurt. I love her so much, yet sometimes, in my head, I keep thinking she wants to hurt me and leave me, but I know she loves me.

 

I'm writing this as tears are coming down my face, I really don't know what to do at this point. I want to be with her, but these thoughts of that I'll be better off without her keep coming up, and then a few hours later, or after a nap, I think ''how could I possibly think that, I'll be a wreck if I leave her, I love her''.

 

I'm really trying to cover up my insecurities and not show it to her, but they're still there sometimes, less frequent though. I'm not showing her because that'll push her away. If I tell her I've got BPD, I think I'll push her away. Or maybe not, maybe she'll be more understanding then I think, as I know she has some personality disorder she hasnt told me about either, and we could understand each other on a deeper level.

 

I don't know what I want, I think I just need someone to tell me what to do at this point. Keep in mind that I don't want to and wont leave her, please just link me to an article that could help me, or write your own words, tell me I'm not alone or whatever.

[Downtown]

Lizard, I have just a few questions. The answers, I believe, may help advance the discussion. Have you been diagnosed as having BPD by a psychologist or psychiatrist? Given that you are 18, are you still living with your parents and, if so, are they aware of you being diagnosed with BPD? In your other post today, you mention that you are going to therapy soon for BPD. Do you already have an appointment set up and, if so, how do you know the therapist is trained to actually treat BPD?

[dreamingoftigers]

Being young and having BPD really blows.

 

If you are looking for therapies outside of the typical offerings, I found EMDR to be more effective than just CBT/DBT alone.

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

Being young and having BPD really blows.

 

If you are looking for therapies outside of the typical offerings, I found EMDR to be more effective than just CBT/DBT alone.

 

 

What is EMDR?

[Downtown]

What is EMDR?

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. Sounds crazy but it works. See, e.g., EMDR: Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing.

[dreamingoftigers]

What is EMDR?

 

Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[dreamingoftigers]

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. Sounds crazy but it works. See, e.g., EMDR: Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing.

 

Cross-post.

 

And really, how weird was that!? LOL

[Downtown]

Just goes to show that great minds tend to work alike, LOL.

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

Does EMDR work if there isn't a specific type of trauma?

 

I've had embarrassing moments that caused quite a bit of distress but I don't know if I would single any of them out.

[dreamingoftigers]

Does EMDR work if there isn't a specific type of trauma?

 

I've had embarrassing moments that caused quite a bit of distress but I don't know if I would single any of them out.

 

I did it for overall childhood issues.

 

My therapist used a method where I held electronic buzzers and closed my eyes for approx thirty second stretches and my mind went wherever it went.

 

Things I hadn't thought of or remembered for years.

 

Then they didn't feel so bad