FaithInTheDark Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 etheres this guy ive liked since i met him...he ended up dating a old friend of mine whiched sucked but i got over it. well they broke up and a few months after the guy and i hooked up a couple times. he was still hung up over his ex and i got flack fm his ex for sleeping with him. i really liked him but he was honest and said he only wanted to be friends... but hed play mind games and get weird about me and other guys...even the guys saw it. months went by and i still was hung up over him. he told me again he didnt want to just sleep with me and be real friends. he said he was waiting for his fairytale girl.... i accepted but yet we still got drunk that night and had sex.... a couple weeks later he travelled to europe for 5months... during his time away i got over him and felt alot stronger. he called me last week and asked me to pick him up from the airport on his return..i did and we had dinner at a friends...i felt this attraction...we went back to his house and had sex again...but this time i was happy to just be his friend... ive kept my distance and learned not to chase him. he said i seemed nervous and reserved..but it was only cus i had my gaurd up and wanted to protect myself. i really value our friendship. he spent the night at my house ...we just cuddled and nothing more...now he leftt and went away for work.. i feel sad and totally hung up on him... ive realized we dont have alot of chemestry but hes such a catch. i know well never be more than friends...and im stupud to keep doing this to myself. ..how do i keep him as a friend ? i know ill always like him but id never wana cut him out of my life?? anyone been in this situation??
Phoe Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 I fell for my childhood friend. It all fell apart. We are no longer in each other's lives and we both hate it. But it's too much pain to be friends with him when I cannot have him. Over time the pain of his loss will subside, but I'll always miss him. He's always meant so much to me 1
Author FaithInTheDark Posted November 13, 2013 Author Posted November 13, 2013 the pain is hard especially when he leaves. we always seem to hook up when we see each other... its confusing
Meadowgreen Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 Your story really hit a nerve with me, and I want to let you know you're not alone in this. So many women (and men) get caught up in the messy mire of friends with benefits. When both parties are upfront and mature, and agree not to get jealous or negative when another person shows interest (like how he's been when you've dated other guys) that's the only time a friends with benefits arrangement can work. Let me tell you something right now - he's not getting possessive out of love, okay? He's getting possessive because someone else wants to play with his toy. Think about a toddler who flings a teddy over its shoulder as it gets busy with the rest of its toybox. Think of how the little angel starts kicking and screaming soon as someone merely moves towards that discarded teddy. That's the mentality of so many immature folk out there - they don't want you now, but they may want you 10 minutes from now so no one else can play with you just in case. Do you think that's fair? Are you happy being a discarded toy lying crumpled on the ground until His Lordship deems it appropriate to play with you? There's no happy ending to this, I feel. He has no respect for your emotions - telling you he only wants to be friends but playing mind games with you to keep you in line and begging for scraps off his table. You know you're better than some jackasses scraps, right? You deserve a three course meal with all the trimmings, my lovely, and this is something I suspect this guy can't or won't provide you. It irks me that he whistled for you to come pick him up from the airport. What are you, his personal chauffeur as well as his emotional punching bag? Hell no. You say you value his friendship, but does he value you? Friends don't make friends feel like crap. Friends don't f*** you and then tell you they're holding out for their fairytale girl. Y'know what dude? Go find yourself a wishing well and throw yourself in it if you're so desperate for a fairytale ending. Not only can he only toss you breadcrumbs of respect, morsels of affection, but you've tricked yourself into believing that's enough to nourish you. Baby, I've been in your position more than once. You're better than this. You're better than him. Don't allow him to think this behaviour is acceptable. When you were little and dreaming of your future boyfriend or husband, I bet you hoped he'd be kind, attentive, caring and consistent, didn't you? Is this jerkoff any of these things? No. He's a self-absorbed, emotionally stunted shadow of a man, and not good enough for you. You want to feel powerful again? Tell him you're not a dog on hind legs awaiting his scraps, and tell him to beat it. If he cares, if he ever did, he will realise the error of his ways and beg for forgiveness, but if he doesn't, you've just cleared some dead weight out of the way for someone truly worthwhile to come and be the lover and friend you truly deserve. Follow through with it and my promise to you is this: you'll feel more self-love and self-respect than you ever thought possible, and you'll be a brand new person capable of more than you can even imagine. Best of luck to you. 5
Country_Girl Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Your story really hit a nerve with me, and I want to let you know you're not alone in this. So many women (and men) get caught up in the messy mire of friends with benefits. When both parties are upfront and mature, and agree not to get jealous or negative when another person shows interest (like how he's been when you've dated other guys) that's the only time a friends with benefits arrangement can work. Let me tell you something right now - he's not getting possessive out of love, okay? He's getting possessive because someone else wants to play with his toy. Think about a toddler who flings a teddy over its shoulder as it gets busy with the rest of its toybox. Think of how the little angel starts kicking and screaming soon as someone merely moves towards that discarded teddy. That's the mentality of so many immature folk out there - they don't want you now, but they may want you 10 minutes from now so no one else can play with you just in case. Do you think that's fair? Are you happy being a discarded toy lying crumpled on the ground until His Lordship deems it appropriate to play with you? There's no happy ending to this, I feel. He has no respect for your emotions - telling you he only wants to be friends but playing mind games with you to keep you in line and begging for scraps off his table. You know you're better than some jackasses scraps, right? You deserve a three course meal with all the trimmings, my lovely, and this is something I suspect this guy can't or won't provide you. It irks me that he whistled for you to come pick him up from the airport. What are you, his personal chauffeur as well as his emotional punching bag? Hell no. You say you value his friendship, but does he value you? Friends don't make friends feel like crap. Friends don't f*** you and then tell you they're holding out for their fairytale girl. Y'know what dude? Go find yourself a wishing well and throw yourself in it if you're so desperate for a fairytale ending. Not only can he only toss you breadcrumbs of respect, morsels of affection, but you've tricked yourself into believing that's enough to nourish you. Baby, I've been in your position more than once. You're better than this. You're better than him. Don't allow him to think this behaviour is acceptable. When you were little and dreaming of your future boyfriend or husband, I bet you hoped he'd be kind, attentive, caring and consistent, didn't you? Is this jerkoff any of these things? No. He's a self-absorbed, emotionally stunted shadow of a man, and not good enough for you. You want to feel powerful again? Tell him you're not a dog on hind legs awaiting his scraps, and tell him to beat it. If he cares, if he ever did, he will realise the error of his ways and beg for forgiveness, but if he doesn't, you've just cleared some dead weight out of the way for someone truly worthwhile to come and be the lover and friend you truly deserve. Follow through with it and my promise to you is this: you'll feel more self-love and self-respect than you ever thought possible, and you'll be a brand new person capable of more than you can even imagine. Best of luck to you. Damn, that was well said! Good advice for any relationship situation really. 1
Author FaithInTheDark Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 wow thank you so much. 1
Author FaithInTheDark Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 this is a very insightful piece of info. Its true I have tricked myself into believing these "crumbs" of respect/attention were good enough. h this man has a good soul but the bad out weighs the good as for respecting emotions... the comment in the fairytale ending is true too. i think the bottom line is putting a end to our sexual encounters once and for all and. moving forward. thanks 1
Meadowgreen Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 this is a very insightful piece of info. Its true I have tricked myself into believing these "crumbs" of respect/attention were good enough. h this man has a good soul but the bad out weighs the good as for respecting emotions... the comment in the fairytale ending is true too. i think the bottom line is putting a end to our sexual encounters once and for all and. moving forward. thanks You can do it! I know it won't be easy but just keep thinking of those breadcrumbs whenever you're tempted to roll in the hay with him again. Remember, you deserve your fairytale too Good luck. Keep us posted! 1
Author FaithInTheDark Posted December 8, 2013 Author Posted December 8, 2013 andA fallow up on the guy I had said I valued our friendship... I sent a drunk text to him weeks ago and didnt get a response...whatever. So i hear from a mutual friend that he was struggling to find work so over a week after the first message I textasking how he was doing..but he still didnt get back to me. WOW. A couple days ago a friend of mine died from a car accident and I was feeling emotional...and very alone... I felt compelled to call him out on him ignoring me for some dumb reason. so i did and he texted whats up ..ive been busy . .. i said no worries and he asked what i was doing. i told him about my friend that passed away ..and i was prosessing that. He never responded..not a im sorry about your friend or are u ok.. some friend huh. i guess it was almost a test to see of he cared. Im pissed off and i cant be suprised. he treated me poorly from the start. if he comes back to town and contacts me im gonna tell him to beat it
Meadowgreen Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 andA fallow up on the guy I had said I valued our friendship... I sent a drunk text to him weeks ago and didnt get a response...whatever. So i hear from a mutual friend that he was struggling to find work so over a week after the first message I textasking how he was doing..but he still didnt get back to me. WOW. A couple days ago a friend of mine died from a car accident and I was feeling emotional...and very alone... I felt compelled to call him out on him ignoring me for some dumb reason. so i did and he texted whats up ..ive been busy . .. i said no worries and he asked what i was doing. i told him about my friend that passed away ..and i was prosessing that. He never responded..not a im sorry about your friend or are u ok.. some friend huh. i guess it was almost a test to see of he cared. Im pissed off and i cant be suprised. he treated me poorly from the start. if he comes back to town and contacts me im gonna tell him to beat it I'm terribly sorry to hear about your friend, that is awful news. My thoughts go out to their friends and family. Don't beat yourself up about this too much. Sometimes you have to go out on a limb just enough to see just how much (or little) they care. That was incredibly cold of him to say nothing about your friend passing away, but at least now you have solid proof of how inconsequential your feelings and wellbeing are to him. Now you can truly move on.
yankees51988 Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 I dunno how you could wanna be in a serious relationship with someone knowing that they were banging your good friend. *shrugs* Number 1 deal breaker in my book. Hook up with, yeah depending on the person and how close you were with the friend, but actually date? I'd never seriously date a girl that one of my homies has banged beforehand. 3
Author FaithInTheDark Posted December 9, 2013 Author Posted December 9, 2013 yes. solid proof about how sefish he is and how even his friendship is false. its good to know. so im not thinking its something its not. .. i appreciate your support. as for his ex. we used to be friends but our friend ship sizzled out for over a year before i ever hooked up with him. i live in a small town so these things are hard to avoid. thanks 1
yankees51988 Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 Haha me too (small town), and I've turned down a bunch of girls because they had hooked up with my friends before me. They get pissed, lol. But still, I've shared a bunch of girls with friends and I'm done passing around the same women like a freakin' football so now if I know a girl has hooked up with more than 1 of my close friends I won't give her a chance, even if I have a serious crush on her.
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