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Still feel like I can't get over my ex….

greenfairie

By greenfairie
in Coping

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greenfairie Established Member

greenfairie

Posted
Posted

It's been a little over a year since we officially broke up…..

Almost half a year without ANY sort of contact..

 

Together for 5 years..

 

 

When the hell am I going to get over this???

  • Like 1
faithfully Established Member

faithfully

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Have you tried dating and meeting other people, coz a year is a long time but saying that you will get over him with time or in your case more time :)

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
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Start reading articles on how to get over someone. Google it. Baggage reclaim is an excellent site with lots of blogs.

 

You have to want to let go. Fight it, push yourself and be really tough too. Ask yourself why you're hanging on still. It's over and for some reason you can't let go. Do you think he's thinking of you so much? Picture him going on with his life, having fun, laughing and dating others. Make yourself see that you're wasting your precious time by giving him head space and it makes you feel bad, makes you still miss and want him. You gotta detach and go NC in your mind too!

 

Get busy and distract yourself anytime he pops into your head. Get mad, get fed up, decide NO MORE and just let him go of your heart.

  • Like 2
love1336x Established Member

love1336x

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Your healings takes half of the time you was with the person.

So if you was with a person for six months. It will take three months to get over the person.

 

Soooo, you have some time.

ScienceGal Established Member

ScienceGal

Posted
Posted
Your healings takes half of the time you was with the person.

So if you was with a person for six months. It will take three months to get over the person.

 

Soooo, you have some time.

 

I disagree, biggest myth ever. It's more about the relationship dynamics, how it ended, and you as an individual. My longest relationship was just over three years and I was over it the day I left. It took me almost a year to get over a 6 month relationship. And it's not a strict dumper/dumpee issue either.

 

What is it that you think you're still holding onto?

 

I know for me, I never completely let go until I find someone new. It's as though that space in my heart cannot be empty. I can love myself, my friends, and my family, but it's not the same connection or level of intimacy that makes me feel whole. I am single now, and not dating, but my most recent ex is the most familiar. So, he comes to mind all the time. I am open to dating someone new, but I just haven't actively looked. I'm giving myself another month, and then I might try online dating. Perhaps you should try dating if you haven't yet.

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Nyclovin Established Member

Nyclovin

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Almost same numbers . Feel exact same way. Scared for life. Hoping to move forward and forget.

  • Like 1
Janni Established Member

Janni

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You need to step out of the victim role and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Yes, you were dumped. But that's where it ends. He's the one who's losing something - You. You were set free. You don't have to ask permission to do stuff or ask if he likes the clothes/things you buy. You don't have to check with him, to see if you can go out on Saturday and so on. There's so much you can decide all on your own! Try focusing on the things he wouldn't let you do.

 

Personally, I looooove dinosaurs and I want them everywhere. My ex wouldn't allow me to have dinosaurs around. But now I can have as many as I want. My ex didn't like my short hair as much as my long hair. But I prefer it short and now he's got nothing to say. I can do whatever I want with my hair. My ex always thought I had to ask permission and have him approve of the tattoo and placement. Well, I went and got my very first tattoo after the BU and he has no idea! Do you see where I'm going?

 

Yes of course there are good things about a RS, but don't think about them. That won't help you. Start thinking of all the things you always wanted to do, but couldn't. It's difficult at first, but when you've gotten started, you'll end up with a long list.

 

Another thing I did was to write down all my ex's bad qualities. All the things he did wrong in the relationship or never did. Nothing positive, only negative things. Even the smallest things like the way he'd leave cups of coffee around for days. Write it all down and read it whenever you miss him.

 

Those are just some of the things you can do. But only if you actually want to get better. It won't help if you keep being afraid of a life without him. It will be okay.

  • Like 2
GeorgesIsntAtHome Member

GeorgesIsntAtHome

Posted
Posted
It's been a little over a year since we officially broke up…..

Almost half a year without ANY sort of contact..

 

Together for 5 years..

 

 

When the hell am I going to get over this???

 

may seem a little dumb but have you tried just letting go ??

 

often the more you fight something the more you let it invade your life, take more importance, you know, like coming here and posting about it, reading about it, telling everyone about it, etc.. I think sometime you just have to let go completely, cut off everything from him, stop trying, go with the flow, then the Healing will "start" for real

 

The more you try to piece together the puzzle and swap it around every possible way the bigger it gets in your mind, that is the part where you have a choice to make it an obsession or trust in life and just move on to other, better things ..

 

give yourself a chance, give others a chance to know you

  • Like 1
Sasa123 Member

Sasa123

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I understand you. It's been 8 months, but some ( a lot ) contact in end august/September. I haven't been ready to date other people, and I don't know when I'll feel ready. I still feel like he's the one, and I can't see a future without him. I'm starting to accept that he's not feeling the same, but it still hurts like hell.

 

I know from earlier experiences that it takes time for me to get over someone. I doubt I ever will forget this feeling of meeting a soulmate, and even though I maybe will meet someone great one day, I don't think I'll experience this kind of mind blowing love again.

 

I think it depends on what kind of person you are, and how you felt the relationship were when you broke up. I think I've seen to many romantic movies, and have a very romantic kind of way to look at life. :(

  • Like 1
me85 Established Member

me85

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SaSa...I'm right there with ya.

me85 Established Member

me85

Posted
Posted

"I know for me, I never completely let go until I find someone new. It's as though that space in my heart cannot be empty. I can love myself, my friends, and my family, but it's not the same connection or level of intimacy that makes me feel whole. I am single now, and not dating, but my most recent ex is the most familiar. So, he comes to mind all the time. I am open to dating someone new, but I just haven't actively looked. I'm giving myself another month, and then I might try online dating. Perhaps you should try dating if you haven't yet."

 

ScienceGal...you and I are exactly the same.:o

MoooOinkBaaa Established Member

MoooOinkBaaa

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i will never get over my ex even when i feel happy and full of energy. it's weird time of my life i'll be the same as you a year later. don't feel bad we just loved them very much and we need to forget all the sadness and the pain.

  • Like 1
Nubcake Member

Nubcake

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I agree the time table is based on how much you invested in your ex and how it ended etc.. not a set time. Mine was the only person I ever bonded with and was happy/fulfilled around her even at time of being dumped. So im going to feel like this for a year+, that is just great....

ponchsox Established Member

ponchsox

Posted
Posted
Your healings takes half of the time you was with the person.

So if you was with a person for six months. It will take three months to get over the person.

 

Soooo, you have some time.

 

That is a bunch of BS. I dated my ex gf for 18 months and I am pretty much over her and dating again after 6 weeks. Why on earth would I mope over someone for 9 months?

MoooOinkBaaa Established Member

MoooOinkBaaa

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six weeks dating again? you never loved them simple as that. i don't care what you say that just proves you jumped from one to the other. i have so many great memories of my ex and she means so much to me that's why i can't stop moping over her. she isn't just someone to me. she isn't just another human being that i can hook up with six weeks later.

 

she was a big chunk of my life and that's changed so much it's really hard for me.

  • Like 3
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Try making a list of all his bad qualities & all the reasons you are apart. Read it over & over.

love1336x Established Member

love1336x

Posted
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That is a bunch of BS. I dated my ex gf for 18 months and I am pretty much over her and dating again after 6 weeks. Why on earth would I mope over someone for 9 months?

 

 

During that time period you don't have to be moping hot mess.

 

You know, normal people live their lives after a break up.

it was an article that i read.

I believe it's so what true like in a way

if you break up that same week, and start banging about person doesn't mean you are over that person. I am sure there are still in your thoughts.

All depends on your connection with that person, and how much you truly loved them.

Five years is LONG time to be with somebody. You can't turn off that "love" switch instantly. All that takes time, and what you do with your time. I am trying to make the poster here feel better.

 

I know personally. a year ago I was engaged and thought i was going to live happily ever after. It has taken me 6+ months to get over this person. BUT my life has NOT stop for him. I HAVE dated other men, party, movies, and other enjoyable things in life, i wasn't hot moping mess, but i sure hell missed him.

  • Like 1
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greenfairie Established Member

greenfairie

Posted
  • Author
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During that time period you don't have to be moping hot mess.

 

You know, normal people live their lives after a break up.

it was an article that i read.

I believe it's so what true like in a way

if you break up that same week, and start banging about person doesn't mean you are over that person. I am sure there are still in your thoughts.

All depends on your connection with that person, and how much you truly loved them.

Five years is LONG time to be with somebody. You can't turn off that "love" switch instantly. All that takes time, and what you do with your time. I am trying to make the poster here feel better.

 

I know personally. a year ago I was engaged and thought i was going to live happily ever after. It has taken me 6+ months to get over this person. BUT my life has NOT stop for him. I HAVE dated other men, party, movies, and other enjoyable things in life, i wasn't hot moping mess, but i sure hell missed him.

 

 

Exactly….I've been living my life this year so much. I went on trips out of state several times which I could never have done before, found a new job, been volunteering a lot, started panting, dancing, reading so much more, started working out with a personal trainer, got a new boyfriend, and even with all of this crap…. I STILL MISS HIM. It is hard. SUPER hard. I feel like I constantly have to keep myself busy doing this all the time but there are sometimes where I just wanna sit down and think about absolutely nothing but with a smile on my face. I don't care how cheesy that sounds. I think I'm going to follow some of the posts here and just write down all the negative things about him when I do feel like missing him. I have never heard that suggestion so I am going to try. I am ALL for getting over this. I'm not trying to fight it and I don't want it to turn into an unhealthy obsession. Easier said than done though, remember that guys.

  • Like 1
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted
Exactly….I've been living my life this year so much. I went on trips out of state several times which I could never have done before, found a new job, been volunteering a lot, started panting, dancing, reading so much more, started working out with a personal trainer, got a new boyfriend, and even with all of this crap…. I STILL MISS HIM. It is hard. SUPER hard. .

 

This doesn't bode well for your new BF. It makes him sound like a rebound. Be careful b/c you aren't being fair to the new guy.

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greenfairie Established Member

greenfairie

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This doesn't bode well for your new BF. It makes him sound like a rebound. Be careful b/c you aren't being fair to the new guy.

 

 

Yeah, I see what you're saying. I talked to him about this, told him how fair it wasn't to him… He was glad I didn't keep it all in which would have made it all worse. So far he's been super supportive and understanding.

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