Been having problems coping, anxiety and despair keep coming

[Mario79]

I cant control my thoughts. I am not at peace. I feel so much anxiety. I have been teetering all day and I just broke. I want her back so badly I dont know what to do. It feels like so much pain, and she is with someone else. I was hoping that each day I would be able to let go a little bit more but instead I am grasping more and more. I get scared so badly. What can I do? If anyone can help me.

[Still-I-Rise]

Stop trying to control your thoughts as it seems an exercise in futility. "Resistance is futile." The Borg

 

Let your thoughts come. Let them flow through you and around you but don't reach out and grab one. Don't take ownership of any one of them. If possible, experience them as an observer. They are only thoughts.

 

Also, stop resisting your pain - acknowledge it, accept it, but keep moving forward each day in some tiny way. You will hurt but you will also grow from this and believe me I KNOW that probably is not reassuring to hear in your current state.

 

Remember: "PAIN is temporary. It may last for a minute, or an hour, or a day, or even a year; but eventually it will subside, and something else will take it's place." Eric Thomas

 

It is my hope and belief you will get beyond this place. Trust yourself.

 

THE GUEST HOUSE

 

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

 

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

 

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

 

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.

meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

 

Be grateful for whatever comes.

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

 

-- Jelaluddin Rumi,

translation by Coleman Barks

Edited November 13, 2013 by Still-I-Rise

[whichwayisup]

I can feel your anxiety and pain through your words.

 

I just suggested baggage reclaim to another poster, go google it and read the articles on there, it'll help you.

 

Sorry that you're hurting so much...Break ups are hard and they take time. You're gonna get through this, as cliche as this sounds, take it one day at a time, or if need be, hour by hour.

 

Do get out and be with friends, don't isolate and stay home, that just makes you feel worse.

[Mario79]

Thank you for the replies. I was really feeling it yesterday and broke NC. I regretted it since the reply back was to Not to contact her again. I had already fallen asleep though, taking an anxiety med. I awoke to find that. Im tired of feeling. It was so harsh.

[GeorgesIsntAtHome]

Thank you for the replies. I was really feeling it yesterday and broke NC. I regretted it since the reply back was to Not to contact her again. I had already fallen asleep though, taking an anxiety med. I awoke to find that. Im tired of feeling. It was so harsh.

 

find comfort in knowing that you have tried everything and don't have any other option at this point, and move forward, it's the only way to go

 

and yes, cry, hit a pillow, yell, get drunk, LET IT OUT, it's natural, people make the mistake of trying to control it, aviod it, the worse you can do is keep it all bottled up Inside..it has to come out, and time will do it's job.. I've been through this recently and it seems like everyday it gets a little better, it takes a while, it sucks, we are pissed and sad about it, but it has to happen, even if it's hard to believe, you WILL heal.

 

Just dont jump any steps

Edited November 13, 2013 by GeorgesIsntAtHome

[Mario79]

You do inspire laughter with that screen name and picture. I am grateful. I have been going through that part. You are right, I have been trying to hold it back and control it, but its because of how long I have felt like this, since 23rd of September, and I have been testing patience of people around me. I have made many mistakes since then as well and have been creating a lot of thoughts that cause my pain. I think its time for me to seek professional help as well. But I do want to let things flow, its just current can get strong.

 

I am grateful for your help. Thank you.

[GeorgesIsntAtHome]

pleasure, good luck

[whichwayisup]

Thank you for the replies. I was really feeling it yesterday and broke NC. I regretted it since the reply back was to Not to contact her again. I had already fallen asleep though, taking an anxiety med. I awoke to find that. Im tired of feeling. It was so harsh.

 

Hugs to you.

 

Okay, some tough love here. She isn't missing you at all, isn't thinking of you and she's done. Done done done. The more you miss her, think of her, reach out and break contact SHE gets an ego feed out of it. She has less respect for you, doesn't feel bad at all. All this does to you is make you feel worse and worse.... Find the pride and ego, say FU.CK IT I AM DONE with her. I will have my down moments but SCREW HER! I AM DONE crying and feeling sad. I am a good person, this is HER loss. F her!!

 

REALLY, get mad. Use that anger to propel you to letting her go and seeing that you are going to be okay.

 

Break ups suck, and I do feel for all that you're going through, just pains me to read that when you reach to her, she's just going to make you feel awful again.

 

Go read no foolin' thread in this section too, it'll help a lot, as well as baggage reclaim.

 

Vent away, write her letters, pour out your feelings but never send them to her. Do it all in microsoft word, NOT in your email account.

[Mario79]

Ive done this, believe me, but sometimes I craft such emails I feel that I want send them. I made the mistake in the end and texted her, with hoooorrible results. But it made me realize how insane she can get at times. It reminded me why sometimes I did not want to see her, why I felt at times caged.

 

It was such an extreme reaction, that made me think that her new guy is probably keeping tabs on her, which makes sense since he is married and cheating with her. So yeah now I am angry, really really angry at this two faced morally reprehensible bitch.

 

Really.

[GeneralJennyJenn]

Mario79 I feel you in so many ways. I was reading some of your earlier threads and your experiences echoed a lot of mine with my first ex. I tell people it took me a good year or more to get over him! We were together for 7 years, he was the man I thought I would marry and have kids with and then he broke my heart.

 

I withdrew, I lived on kettle corn popcorn and soft pretzels the first month after we broke up. I wrote in my journal all the time. I'll never forget the night I came home after we broke up and I called my Mom and told her and she recommended I put in a sad movie and just cry cry cry let all those feelings out. At one point I was sobbing and it literally, physically felt like my heart had been ripped into two, I swear to God it did. I have never to this day ever experience that level of heartache as I did that night. He was my first real love, he was my everything and I had no identity that didn't involve him. It took me time to start saying I will... I feel...not we will...it was an adjustment.

 

Sometimes we just need to do as someone wrote once about Sir Andrew Barton

 

"I am hurt, but I am not slain;

I'll lay me down and bleed a while,

And then I'll rise and fight again.

 

So many times that first year especially I would lay down and bleed a while. This is normal, and I know many have written this but its true 'time does heal all wounds'

[Mario79]

Thank you General, I salute.

 

It was funny I just finished replying to your thread, thank you. It's been hard, cause I may feel anger at times, but my so called love is still there. Just wishing for a breadcrumb.

 

I hope times does heal me, I want to not ever think her again. I am trying to see this as an opportunity to grow and feel better. I am not by nature a positive person so I deal how I can.

 

I feel close to all you strangers :lmao::lmao:

[GeneralJennyJenn]

Good afternoon Mario79

I never even equated how my ex has been dropping me breadcrumbs for the past 2.5 years and like a rat with wings (what us NYers call pigeons) I gobbled them up thinking it would leave me feeling satisfied when all it does is leave me feeling famished!

 

I am going to take that term breadcrumbs and remind myself every time the ex contacts me (if he continues to do so because I texted him today that we need to stop staying in touch and that it is not healthy for either of us) that if he does text me or contact me again, all I am getting are breadcrumbs not the 3 course meal I deserve! Believe it or not your post led to my 'ah ha!' moment! Thank you!

[Mario79]

I am glad to hear that. Keep seeking knowledge you will find more ah ha moments. I found myself amazed as to how ignorant I have been in my life, I have so many questions but stop seeking because there was no need to look, no desire. After this I have found and learned that we have to be happy with ourselves, there is really no other way around that, something that I knew already but I had to go through hell to really understand.

 

You do deserve better, no breadcrumbs, no cheaters, no violence, and no dependance on people.

 

I read my words and have a hard time believing them myself. But I hope you treat yourself like you would treat your best friend.

[GeneralJennyJenn]

Hey Mario79

Just wanted to check in on ya and see how you were? Me I am feeling actually pretty good (with the exception of being exhausted) but I mean mentally I am feeling less depressed that yesterday that's for sure.

You'll see on my thread the most recent crapola with my ex, some nonsense about 'we needing closure' I am like 'who's we?' And closure, uh I think we are a few years too late for that! Whatever! I seriously chuckled out loud when I read that following his last text being 'lost all respect for you' and yadda yadda yadda

On the flip side, you doing okay? Remember you deserve more the breadcrumbs! Just say NO to bread crumbs. I know its hard to believe now but that volume, the amount of love you have right now will lessen over time. It never goes away completely but it will hurt less and less.

Holla if you need to

[Mario79]

Hi Jenn, you can just call me Mario. I want to believe I am more deserving then breadcrumbs, I am still fearful that if I got one I would jump on it in a second. I have been taking steps. I started with a new therapist that does hypnotherapy as well as behavior therapy, which has been expensive. I may see a psychiatrist to see if I should go back on an anxiety med, maybe. Been going to support groups, neurotics anonymous and went with my dad to an AA meeting. Been reading, insightful things. I have gotten closer to all members of my family.

 

There is a lot to learn about humility, which I dont know when but I lost a lot of it and became proud in a negative way. Been going to church as well, I always had problems with that, but am trying to take away lessons on how to live a life that I can be proud of. For that I will also look to volunteer with anything that has to do with kids.

 

I am also planning to buy some skates and learn how to do that. After that I may learn how to dance, after that I will try to learn another language. Etc. All of this takes money and I have a lot payments. But I need to let her go.

 

Regardless she is still there. If you wanted to we ex change emails as well, I am at [email protected], if you ever needed an assist.