Real36 Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 I'm 32, 5'4" 165 lbs. I have lost from 210 lbs. in the last few years. My weight was a self-esteem issue for me for a good portion of my life but now I am mostly comfortable with my body. I do feel self-conscious when someone references my weight or I'm feeling 'fat' on a particular day. I've recently set up an OLD profile and have been dating a man I met there for a little over a month. I clearly state BBW on my profile and included a full body shot as not to hide anything from viewers. The man I have been seeing has taken me on several exercise dates. We've hiked and biked several times. This didn't seem odd to me at first since I am an active person. But now I am beginning to notice some things from him that are bringing out the fat girl worry in me. He asks me what I am having for dinner every night and has suggested that I save half of my dinner while we are out on a couple of occasions. I have been sick for the last few days and have been unable to eat much at all. In a text conversation earlier I said that I was starving and he reminded me not to over eat. Am I being paranoid or does this sound like he is not comfortable with my weight? Thanks!
mammasita Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 Have you been open about your weight loss? If so, he might feel like he's being helpful. Some men don't think when it comes to things like that. 2
Author Real36 Posted November 13, 2013 Author Posted November 13, 2013 Yes I have talked about it with him but I have also said that I am comfortable at my weight.
CarrieT Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 He asks me what I am having for dinner every night and has suggested that I save half of my dinner while we are out on a couple of occasions. I have been sick for the last few days and have been unable to eat much at all. In a text conversation earlier I said that I was starving and he reminded me not to over eat. Am I being paranoid or does this sound like he is not comfortable with my weight? You are not being paranoid and he is being a pig. Please - do yourself a favor and stop dating him. He is controlling and manipulative. You deserve better. 5
superb Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 Yes I have talked about it with him but I have also said that I am comfortable at my weight. Five foot four and 165lbs doesn't make you BBW....imo. 5
scorpiogirl Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 Yea maybe what mammasita said. Since I've become upfront about my weight loss and not pretending I'm not working on it, all the men I've dated have helped me. They love helping with my workout schedule and are cognisant of my diet. And I've lost so much and become healthier with their advice. However, if you haven't then he's a bit out of line. ETA: sorry started posting before your reply. I see it now
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 Dump him seriously. He is trying to get you to lose weight....I was once in this position and it really did a number of my self-esteem 1
Author Real36 Posted November 13, 2013 Author Posted November 13, 2013 Thanks for the replies. I was hoping that it wasn't the case. I actually feel quite attractive for the most part and really don't want to let anyone else's opinion cloud my self-worth.
ScienceGal Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 Leave this man, seriously. You do not need someone instructing you on what to do or not do. Especially someone you just met! His words are not being spoken with your best interest in mind. He is judgmental and controlling, and I doubt he will ever accept you for who you are or love you as deeply as you deserve to be loved. You will not find happiness with this man. Also, I'm curious, have you been feeling sick because of him or did you come down with something? If it's the former, you need to get out now. Trust me, I've been there and it doesn't get better. If it's the latter, I bet he didn't offer to do anything nice for you, like maybe some chicken soup (a small cup low fat soup, of course!) Eff him! Congrats on the weight loss!
Author Real36 Posted November 13, 2013 Author Posted November 13, 2013 I got sick from a virus that is going around at work. He did come see me and offer to bring soup but I was too sick to eat it so I declined. Thanks for the ups on the weight loss, I'm actually still losing but without really trying. He hasn't been rude or mean about any of this. It's been in conversation each time he has said something or asked what I am eating that is why I have wondered if I am being paranoid. I don't know him well enough to judge if this is just convo for him or if it is for sure his intention to keep reminding me of my weight. Intuition is telling me that diet is coming up too often.
ScienceGal Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 If you're considered staying with him, you're going to have to bring it up.
Author Real36 Posted November 13, 2013 Author Posted November 13, 2013 I would describe him as proportional. Maybe around 10 lbs more than ideal weight for his height.
todreaminblue Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 (edited) i wouldnt take offense......i used to take offense when my ex used to buy me family blocks of chocolate every day when i was trying to lose weight seeing how he liked it when i did lose weight.....and the added temptation of chocolate and yes tim tams is not good for me...i have will power but come on on give me a break on having to use it..........when i am overweight i am not happy so if a person i was dating or seeing was supportive without nagging then i would be all good....if you feel uncomfortable have a talk to him let him know you are feeling insecure about his attraction to you...is he affectionate with you in public...holds hands walks beside you? Edited November 13, 2013 by todreaminblue
Author Real36 Posted November 13, 2013 Author Posted November 13, 2013 No we don't hold hands or be affectionate at all in public. Now that I think of it, he isn't affectionate at all really. Not even when we are alone. Wow...that is a realization.
Leigh 87 Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 Look, the reality is, there are men who are totally down with a girl who is carrying some extra weight. ...There are also men who are not OKAY with it. My mums best friend is considerably larger than you and she has the love of her life as a husband. He is from Morocco, and he fancies women with extra weight. He cannot get enough of her. There ARE plenty of men who would LOVE to be affectionate towards you. There are plenty of men who would LOVE to hold your hand, and be affectionate towards you in public. It will take you a bit longer to find the type of guy who digs extra weight, but it will happen, and you will be MUCH happier if you wait for the right guy, opposed to settling for losers like THIS man. And yes he is commenting about your food intake, and arranging exercise dates because he is not comfortable with your weight. The good news is, plenty of men would be THRILLED to have you, and would not change you. The fact he is a tad over his prime weight is not indicative that he is more tollerant. I dated an overweight guy or two lately, and they liked the fact I am slim. Even some overweight guys prefer slim girls. The man who loves my mums best friend? He is tall and has a great body size/shape. Please just wait a little longer and only date men who love you the way you are. 2
crederer Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 lol what an idiot. And this is early on in the relationship? Some guys are just completely clueless. Unless you've asked him to help you with your weight loss, then that's the only time this is acceptable, or maybe if you were in a really long term relationship and you had health issues as a side effect of your weight. But it sounds like this isn;t the case. 2
kassy Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 Move on. I'm bigger than I want to be but have lost 25 pounds in the last year. I have a way to go at 5"2 and 155 pounds. My boyfriend has a body that looks photoshopped. He knows I am trying to lose weight. We do exercise together and while we eat well generally he makes me remember perfection is impossible with food and it needs to be a healthy balance to be sustainable long term. He is very affectionate and while I want to lose weight, he loves my body because I'm really fit and have a lot of muscle but still look feminine. I have dated guys like the one you are dating. Even if their intentions are to be supportive the way they do it is not one that makes me feel good about myself. Keep dating and find a guy who likes you as you are but is also happy to be supportive of continues weight loss. They are out there. Congratulations on the weight loss, I don't think you are Bbw either. Good luck, but ditch the dude Nd find someone better!
Ruby Slippers Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 Yeah, this doesn't sound good. I had a boyfriend who was somewhat like this once. I wasn't even overweight - he just preferred very skinny women, and kept trying to mold me to be that. My last boyfriend was always trying to fatten me up. He finally admitted to me that his preferred body type is close to chubby. It's not good for a guy to pressure you that way, either. A good partner will accept your body the way it is, and support you in your own health and fitness goals, without pressure. 1
dj572 Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 I have to agree with what some of the others have said. Either dump him or have a talk with him about how he is making you feel. Sometimes guys are dumb but that is no excuse. Some guys are outright pigs. If you are comfortable with your weight then be clear about it and find somebody that will accept you for who you are. I have been big my whole life and I know it's a different story for a man but for the most part I let the comments slide but I hate to hear somebody mention somebody elses weight or eating habits. There will always be people who judge you for your size. That sucks but it's the facts. I either ignore the comments directed toward me or I remind them it's none of their damn business. Find somebody that makes you happy, find somebody that accepts you as you are don't settle for less.
countryrider13 Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 Sounds to me like he's not accepting you for the way you are and wants to help you get to where he would like you to be. Not acceptable imo. And lack of section in public should be another hint. You deserve to find someone who accepts all of you. I'm 100 pounds over weight and am lucky enough to have found a great man who loves me for all of me. And he's 6.3" and fit. So don't settle for less 1
kassy Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 Involver she didn't say she only dates men who are 6"3 and fit. She says her current boyfriend who loves her and is also supportive of her attempts to lose weight with out pressuring her happens to be 6"3 and fit. He clearly likes her and is dating her. What does it matter to you? My boyfriend could date someone skinnier than me for sure, he is way out of my league physically at my current weight. But you know what we both like extreme sports, have our own businesses and are workaholics and travel a lot so often we don't see each other for a while. And most of all we love spending time together, laugh at each others jokes and can tolerate each others 'flaws'. It's quite a tough lifestyle for someone who isn't the same. So physically we may not be equal but in terms of our lifestyle, values and personality we are quite the amazing match. You need to get over your own issues regarding weight. You come across as bitter and superficial. Whereas countryrider seems happy... Something to ponder maybe 2
kassy Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 Ok right... Dude I am not that fat. I don't really fit into the chubby chasers category lol. And yeah I'm fairly confident that at 39, my boyfriend knows what he wants in a woman and I'm not at all concerned he will leave me for someone hotter. (I actually am pretty decent looking, but he is gorgeous).i am also confident that he doesn't think about leagues and even if he did I believe he feels like he can't believe he convinced me to date him (there are some funny stories from his friends about this from when we first started dating and when we stopped and then again when we tried again which relate to this) There is so much more to compatibility than other people's opinions of whether you are as hot as each other. In my opinion you have a lot of growing up to do. And yes our relationship may not work out but Id put money on it not being because he sees a hot chick and can't help but sleep with her lol 2
kassy Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 I think I look better than her. More muscle tone and more boobs. I do endurance cycling my legs are super ripped. I'm not going to post a photo and you can think what you like but no I am not perfect. Yes I could lose weight, and am trying to. But even my dr made me get on the scales twice and then try me on another set of scales because he didn't believe I weighted that much. So no I do not look fat. I just don't look skinny either 1
USMCHokie Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 Where do you draw the line between being pushed to change your physique by someone else and wanting to change your physique for yourself and someone else...?
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