How to tell if you are a sociopath

[CanJanus]

It turns out that there is an easy way to tell if one is a sociopath, based upon my readings of this forum.

 

1) You are having an affair

2) You don't feel that bad about it.

 

Remember, "normal" people feel that marriage is sacred, and thus having an affair is a greater wrong than most wrongs. In fact, an affair is such a wrong, that unless you a consumed by guilt, you clearly have a personality disorder.

[thecharade]

Sociopaths have no real feelings for anyone. They are completely detached and not bothered by anything that others go through. Do you feel that describes you?

[goodyblue]

Lmfao! I don't feel guilty. I wish we hadn't hurt his ex but I am pretty happy with the outcome. And I have great love for many people and am loved in return. I think that bs's need to feel on/ow are soulless and 'done gone and stole their man'. They forgive the one who cheated, 'reconcile' and tell everyone life is bliss. I will qualify that with some, not all.

 

So... I think the affair brought about necessary change and am happy with the result. I must be psycho.

[Sub]

I think the OP is making a sweeping generalization about how BS's view WS's, based on recent threads. Of course, it ignores the actual facts discussed in these threads, and the OP is bitter towards people who are "anti-affair".

[goodyblue]

I am not bitter and I happen to agree with his statement.

[MissBee]

It turns out that there is an easy way to tell if one is a sociopath, based upon my readings of this forum.

 

1) You are having an affair

2) You don't feel that bad about it.

 

Remember, "normal" people feel that marriage is sacred, and thus having an affair is a greater wrong than most wrongs. In fact, an affair is such a wrong, that unless you a consumed by guilt, you clearly have a personality disorder.

 

I think there are multiple ways of conducting an affair and multiple thought patterns about it that are on a spectrum from average to bizarre.

 

I don't think anyone with reasonable amounts of sense believes simply being in an affair makes one a sociopath. How people use sociopath may or may not be accurate, but I think what people react to is someone's thought patterns and explanations for their behaviors and where that fits within the norm and judges someone based on that.

 

Whether or not someone thinks marriage is sacred is pointless. I think it's such a weak argument, as one need not believe in marriage to also not believe in deceit. People act like to conduct most affairs, esp on the part of the MP, doesn't include a host of negative things which would be negative regardless of whether this relates to marriage, friendship or life. If OW themselves will get upset if the MM has an OOW, then CLEARLY there is something inherently wrong with duplicity and deceit, that the normal person reacts to, which has nothing to do with marriage. I think this common sense.

 

I don't think not feeling guilt for an affair is automatic grounds for sociopathy, but how sociopaths are identified is the fact their behaviors clearly differ from that of other people and their ways of explaining their behavior and feelings are also atypical and disconcerting. If it didn't differ, you wouldn't be able to really say anything about such a category, so clearly something stands out in their behavior that renders it abnormal.

 

OW/OM/MP are people like everyone else, and like all people will be on a range from more normal to abnormal, personality disordered, to okay. Just like the larger population falls within that spectrum and you identify who is who by where their responses/rationalizations/behaviors fall in or out of line with what is the norm. I think the average OW/OM feels some conflict about the situation even if they still participate. Then there are others who seem unabashed and almost proud of it or oblivious to the problem in a weird way that raises bells for people...all of those combined is what people use to determine if someone seems like their emotions/logic/rationalizations seem more along the normal spectrum or way out of left field with what most people think. It may not be sociopathy, but people may not have other words to describe this feeling of recognizing someone's behavior is atypical and often egregious, so wrongfully call it that.

 

Being an OW/OM doesn't make you a kindred spirit automatically . I find it preposterous when OW go on about "WE OW" as though it is a sorority with matching shirts and a standard code of behavior. It isn't. Some OW are more callous than others, some are serial OW, some are from bad families, some are sleeping with their sister's husband, some didn't know they were OW, some sought out the MM, some "happened into it", the differences abound and all those differences say something about that individual.

OW/OM are varied people and why they do what they do and how they feel about it may differ from the OW/OM next to them...and it's in those differences that people make judgments about people. I read stories here that are reflective of how I felt or are reminiscent of what I did and that are most familiar to me in terms of talking with other people, then some I'm like huhh?? Likewise therer are times an OW/OM comes here and almost everyone, even those who don't normally agree, are like WTF is this story you're telling??? As it is soooo different and bizarre compared with what is normally seen.

 

So clearly,OW/OM come in a range from the more normal to the disordered and simply having an A isn't what usually makes people assume someone is a sociopath or has deeper issues than normal, rather it is how they explain their A and rationalize it and the things they do within it and where that seems to fall within a spectrum.

[MissBee]

I think the OP is making a sweeping generalization about how BS's view WS's, based on recent threads. Of course, it ignores the actual facts discussed in these threads, and the OP is bitter towards people who are "anti-affair".

 

I think if one wanted to be responsible and make a reasoned argument...you could search sociopath and affair on LS and see what comes up. I would wager that the results of the threads which come up would show that this doesn't get applied to most people in affairs, but usually gets tacked on to PARTICULAR OW/OM/MP whose behaviors seem more callous and egregious than others.

Edited November 13, 2013 by MissBee

[rumbleseat]

I have seen OW and OM who are wracked with guilt because their actions have helped to hurt someone, and I have seen some take great pleasure and delight in it.

 

Most OW and OM seem to fit somewhere between the two.

 

In my opinion, neither end of the spectrum would be a sociopath. A sociopath wouldn't care either way, they just see someone else being hurt as the cost of their needs being met, and it may not even occur to them how much it hurts. They don't seem to feel pain in the same way, so to expect them to empathize makes no sense. How can they understand what they have never felt themselves?

[goodyblue]

I tend to agree with this. I think I got thrown into the category of pro affair because I was worried about a particular bs's state of mind but other posted thought I was against her protecting herself when I had no problem with what she was doing.

 

I am not pro or anti anything.

 

But. I do think that word is thrown around a lot. And I think... probably never in its proper usage.

[threelaurels]

Sociopathy isn't something people "are" or "aren't". Like most mental disorders, it is on a continuum. Some people are high in sociopathic traits, some people are low, and most people fall somewhere in the middle. The diagnostic label of "sociopath" is intended only to be used by mental health professionals in order to determine the best course of treatment for a client. Outside of that, it is effectively meaningless because most people have some sociopathic traits. What distinguishes people who diagnosed with sociopathy from others is the degree to which those characteristics affect the person's life and lives of those around them.

 

So, yes, feeling no remorse or guilt for hurting someone else through an affair can, in fact, distinguish a clinical sociopath from a "normal" person. It is a maladaptive trait associated with problem behavior syndromes. It reflects a deficit in empathy that is not psychologically healthy in any way, shape, or form.

 

Is it enough to determine if someone is a clinical sociopath alone? Probably not.

[Got it]

Who knew it was THAT easy to diagnosis. Take that all those years and monies studying and training to be a therapist and POOF, just read a message board! Certification complete!

[peaksandvalleys]

It turns out that there is an easy way to tell if one is a sociopath, based upon my readings of this forum.

 

1) You are having an affair

2) You don't feel that bad about it.

 

Remember, "normal" people feel that marriage is sacred, and thus having an affair is a greater wrong than most wrongs. In fact, an affair is such a wrong, that unless you a consumed by guilt, you clearly have a personality disorder.

 

 

I would add that if you are a BS and have been reading on this forum you might be a sociopath or at least reminds them of ted bundy.

 

1) you have a plan to take your WS and AP down

2) you don't feel bad about taking them down

3)you do not deviate from the plan because strangers tell you to.

 

Clearly something is wrong with me.

[goodyblue]

Oh my, Peaks. Are you still mad about that? The only issue I had was your state mind, not that you took control. I can see why you were upset. I just thought you needed to cool off before you did something you could not undo. I was worried for you.

 

I will also say that the bs in my situation went crazy TEN MONTHS after my guy had left her, they have no children at home, and she had known about the affair months before she began acting irrational. Suddenly she is calling everyone in town, telling lies about us both, and a plethora of other things. So, I think when I read your posts it sounded like her a little and it made me worry. If I upset you, I apologize. The Ted Bundy thing was out of line.

 

I didn't think your actions were wrong. It was that you seemed to be on a precipice.

[ComingInHot]

goodb wrote, " I will also say that the bs in my situation went crazy TEN MONTHS after my guy had left her, they have no children at home, and she had known about the affair months before she began acting irrational. Suddenly she is calling everyone in town, telling lies about us both, and a plethora of other things. So, I think when I read your posts it sounded like her a little and it made me worry. If I upset you, I apologize. The Ted Bundy thing was out of line.

 

I didn't think your actions were wrong. It was that you seemed to be on a precipice."

 

Goodyb, now THAT'S an Apology!! And it makes a world of sense to me now why some of your responses are the way the are. I had an "angry, unstable" exOW same as your MM's BS, so I get it it (mostly)

 

I try REALLY HARD not to "group" camps and just focus on the topic or OP. I find it makes for better discussion w/out putting people on the defensive. Maybe try?? (she offered humbly...)*

[M30USA]

Sociopaths have no real feelings for anyone. They are completely detached and not bothered by anything that others go through. Do you feel that describes you?

 

That is partly inaccurate. Sociopaths are distinct in that they can inflict serious wrongs onto people and not feel remorse. It's not that they are unemotional; some people are just not very emotional while others are. It's possible for sociopaths to be HIGHLY emotional.

[waterwoman]

Sociopath? Don't know about that, not entirely sure what one of those is. But you don't need to beleive that marriage is sacred or that affairs are the worst wrong to think that lying and breaking solemn promises is a fairly sh*tty way to proceed. You don't feel bad about it? That's fine, everyone is different, we don't all have the ability to empathise.

[peaksandvalleys]

Oh my, Peaks. Are you still mad about that? The only issue I had was your state mind, not that you took control. I can see why you were upset. I just thought you needed to cool off before you did something you could not undo. I was worried for you.

 

I will also say that the bs in my situation went crazy TEN MONTHS after my guy had left her, they have no children at home, and she had known about the affair months before she began acting irrational. Suddenly she is calling everyone in town, telling lies about us both, and a plethora of other things. So, I think when I read your posts it sounded like her a little and it made me worry. If I upset you, I apologize. The Ted Bundy thing was out of line.

 

I didn't think your actions were wrong. It was that you seemed to be on a precipice.

 

 

Am still very angry about my situation NOT your statement. I just found it very contradictory after reading the OP original post and the things that were said to me. It wasn't just the ted bundy comment but the comments of waiting to see something on the news as if it were already written in stone. I find the generalizations tiresome. I have don't like them. Never have. There is always someone that will fit that generalization or stereotype but to automatically assume that about anyone without having in specific information frankly I find a bit lazy. I get we all do it, doesn't make it right.

 

Your explanation as for why you posted as you did makes sense to you as I stated in a post on that thread. I can see why you might have felt that way about me. The key point though for each of us is we are not the other party in each situation. The OW in my situation does not appear to be any of the OW here. And I am not the BS in your situation. Your perception of my situation is all you have to go on. It doesn't make it true though. My perception of what you posted on that thread is that you were very angry with me and not concerned for my well being that may not be true about you. Thank you for the apology.

[carhill]

From the DSM-IV, regarding ASPD, commonly referred to as sociopathy:

 

A) There is a pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others occurring since age 15 years, as indicated by three or more of the following:

 

Failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest

 

Deception, as indicated by repeatedly lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure

 

Impulsivity or failure to plan ahead

 

Irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults

 

Reckless disregard for safety of self or others

 

Consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations

 

Lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another

 

B) The individual is at least age 18 years.

C) There is evidence of conduct disorder with onset before age 15 years.

D) The occurrence of antisocial behavior is not exclusively during the course of schizophrenia or a manic episode.

 

Generally, a team of psychological professionals is essential to such diagnosis. Laypeople over the internet, not so much.

[janedoe67]

It turns out that there is an easy way to tell if one is a sociopath, based upon my readings of this forum.

 

1) You are having an affair

2) You don't feel that bad about it.

 

Remember, "normal" people feel that marriage is sacred, and thus having an affair is a greater wrong than most wrongs. In fact, an affair is such a wrong, that unless you a consumed by guilt, you clearly have a personality disorder.

 

No offense, but this is ridiculously over-simplistic and not in any way scientific. And I get that some people think an A is the worst sin someone can commit, but there are lots of people who think other things are, in fact, worse, like molesting children, murder, etc.

 

I understand your emotion and passion for this subject, but it is simply inaccurate to make this statement.

[Journee]

No offense, but this is ridiculously over-simplistic and not in any way scientific. And I get that some people think an A is the worst sin someone can commit, but there are lots of people who think other things are, in fact, worse, like molesting children, murder, etc.

 

I understand your emotion and passion for this subject, but it is simply inaccurate to make this statement.

 

I think OP was being sarcastic in his opening post as he is an OM with little to no remorse. I don't think he really feels like this from reading his other posts.

[janedoe67]

I think OP was being sarcastic in his opening post as he is an OM with little to no remorse. I don't think he really feels like this from reading his other posts.

 

ahhh....well that makes me feel a little better then. I mean, I get it. Having an affair is hurtful and selfish and wrong. BUT it isn't a diagnosis. And it isn't the only relationship-killing betrayal that is out there.

[Got it]

And let's take it one step further, people in affairs could actually be psychopaths..... a sociopath is really just an intelligent psychopath - they are just better at hiding it.

 

And a BS or anyone could be an actual psychopath as well. Doesn't quite narrow down the pool does it?

 

I think going with actual, legit, professional diagnosis are best and not armchair quarter backing it from the peanut gallery.

[Got it]

The diversity and complexity of human behaviour is laid bare in places such as these in order for each of us to seek out recognisable similarities that justify our own ...............

 

Or gossip and meddle because there is nothing better going on.

 

You say potato I say potahto.

[MissBee]

Or gossip and meddle because there is nothing better going on.

 

You say potato I say potahto.

 

You can't gossip and meddle on an internet discussion board....

 

Well I suppose you can gossip about people not here, which in some ways we all do, but generally everyone knows they come here to talk about stuff and everyone willingly puts their business and other people's business on here anonymously so it doesn't count as gossiping and "meddling"

 

But who likes to gossip about 3rd parties who don't even know them more than APs telling us all and everything the BS they never met supposedly did and didn't do?? And some would also, for logical reasons, consider being in an A meddling. So potato, potahto indeed.

[janedoe67]

And serial cheaters, could be serial killers too :bunny:

 

And self righteous people who think they can unilaterally decide which sin is worst can be.......annoying. LOL