DSTIVA99 Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 My boyfriend and I have been together (off and on) for a couple of years, and when we first got together he always wanted to spend time together. He started a medical residency program and we broke up (about 4 months into the relationship) because he claimed he was too stressed out to be together. We got back together a year later and have been together for 8 months but since we have gotten back together he isn't the same guy, he rarely wants to spend time together and always blames it on work and being stressed out. About 4 months ago, I told him I was planning to purchase a townhome and he asked me about the process, I told him and he ended up getting a really good deal (better than mine) on the same street as the townhome I bought. At the time, I asked him about buying separate homes bc it seemed stupid to me if we are going to be together and he said I got a good deal so this is just investment property, I told him I did not want to live next door to him if we weren't going to be together, it would be too hard and he said he understood. He proceeded with buying the place and we are both moving in next month when construction is done, but since we purchased, our relationship has gotten worse. He told me recently that his parents don't approve of him getting married to me (he's from brazil and we are supposed to be meeting them in Rio next month as well) I have never even talked to them and he says they just don't like me bc I am american. He says he plans to talk with his parents this Christmas but he seems worried about the whole situation and says he can't get married without his parents approval. The whole thing makes me sad, worried and angry. We are fighting all the time and we haven't had sex in 3 months but every time I ask him to just tell me if he doesn't want to be together anymore, he says no, that he doesn't want to break up, he's just stressed. During our last fight, he said he thinks he's lost the ability to make me happy and that deserve to be happy and that he hasn't been happy since he's lived in the states. But he still didn't say he wanted to break up, I don't know what to do. This guy says I am the best thing that has ever happened to him since he moved to the US, but still acts distant and cold. Does he want to break up and he just can't tell me? Is the stress of family and work so much that he could be acting this way for months? I don't even know what happened to the guy I feel in love with and I'm scared bc in a month, we'll be neighbors. I don't understand why he would buy a house 2 doors down from me, if he wasn't planning on being together and when I ask him if he's sure about me, he says he is but is just worried about his family's issue with me being american. I can't bear the thought of breaking up so I hold on but I don't know if I am holding on for nothing.
clia Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 My boyfriend and I have been together (off and on) for a couple of years, and when we first got together he always wanted to spend time together. He started a medical residency program and we broke up (about 4 months into the relationship) because he claimed he was too stressed out to be together. We got back together a year later and have been together for 8 months but since we have gotten back together he isn't the same guy, he rarely wants to spend time together and always blames it on work and being stressed out. About 4 months ago, I told him I was planning to purchase a townhome and he asked me about the process, I told him and he ended up getting a really good deal (better than mine) on the same street as the townhome I bought. At the time, I asked him about buying separate homes bc it seemed stupid to me if we are going to be together and he said I got a good deal so this is just investment property, I told him I did not want to live next door to him if we weren't going to be together, it would be too hard and he said he understood. He proceeded with buying the place and we are both moving in next month when construction is done, but since we purchased, our relationship has gotten worse. These are not actions of a man who wants a future with you. He completely disregarded your feelings and did what he wanted to do. Also...it makes no sense for him to buy his own place if he is planning to marry you anytime soon. In my opinion, he is not seeing a future with you and that's why he did what he did. He told me recently that his parents don't approve of him getting married to me (he's from brazil and we are supposed to be meeting them in Rio next month as well) I have never even talked to them and he says they just don't like me bc I am american. He says he plans to talk with his parents this Christmas but he seems worried about the whole situation and says he can't get married without his parents approval. Then he shouldn't have dated you for the past two years. This sounds like a cop out excuse to me. The whole thing makes me sad, worried and angry. We are fighting all the time and we haven't had sex in 3 months but every time I ask him to just tell me if he doesn't want to be together anymore, he says no, that he doesn't want to break up, he's just stressed. With all due respect, your relationship is over. He is just too much of a wimp to break up with you. During our last fight, he said he thinks he's lost the ability to make me happy and that deserve to be happy and that he hasn't been happy since he's lived in the states. At this point, he's practically begging you to break up with him. But he still didn't say he wanted to break up, I don't know what to do. Break up with him. Go no contact. This guy says I am the best thing that has ever happened to him since he moved to the US, but still acts distant and cold. And yet he won't marry you unless he gets mom and dad's approval. Does he want to break up and he just can't tell me? In my opinion, yes. No sex in three months? You've got major relationship problems. I don't understand why he would buy a house 2 doors down from me, if he wasn't planning on being together and when I ask him if he's sure about me, he says he is but is just worried about his family's issue with me being american. Because he got a good deal on the property. That's how he viewed it. He wasn't concerned about you or your feelings. I can't bear the thought of breaking up so I hold on but I don't know if I am holding on for nothing. What exactly are you getting out of the relationship at this point? It all sounds pretty miserable to me. What are you holding on to?
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