Dlucio1 Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 Dday last yr Aug. I found pages n pages of my husband FB, text, phone calls with his 1st gf who he went to school with in his country philipines. The biggest shock of my life. Bn together and married 18yrs, home, 2 beautiful children, etc. he continued to talk to her for a wk after I found , then he stopped all communication. What hurts the most is him telling her he loved her for 27yrs, his emotional love and caring, which I never saw in 18yrs, sending her money, and even talking about me and all our problems in our household. Since then I haven't been the same. I told him he can go to her and his kids can visit him every yr. he said it was all lies, he was depressed, financial, and promised never to ever do it again. That we were going to die old together, etc. Now he is having performance issues and says he is always tired. If I ever bring up anything he is so defensive, he always avoids me ever approaching him for communication which I desperately need. More so since his affair. He was only talking to her for 2.5mos then I found out. He worked 2hrs away so he rented a room and we had 3 day wkends, he would come see us. He finally transferred closer to home because of our problems says to fix our problems and be closer to his family. My husband is a good provider and loves his children. I told him if a2nd times happens, divorce is a promise. He doesn't want a divorce say it would destroy our kids. I exposed this whole thing to ALL family members and he told my parents, so everyone knows the truth. Hewants me to forget about it and since he swept it under the rug, I am not healing and hating him more what he did. It's eating me alive. Our oldest is 18 and my daughter is 12. My problem is the lack of attention, communication, and intimacy in our marriage. That's what I most need. Now I am getting bitter. And I just feel he is with me because of the kids. I am so lonely and I told him already about 4 times. Why doesn't he want to go somewhere and talk with me, or have a nice long day with me at a beach or something to fix our problems? N0! He avoids me instead. Why? I dont understand. If he loves me why doesn't he do this for me so I can heal? This is the most painful experience in all my life. I hate him for doing this too me and the intense pain and suffering he caused me and is still doing to me. Idk how to approach him. I really want him to suffer and feel the pain I felt and continue feeling. If I'm around idk why he gets so nervous. He kisses me every am and before I go to bed. Something we never done in our whole 18yrs together. I know he wants to stay married, but I'm still hurting.
Spark1111 Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 Dday last yr Aug. I found pages n pages of my husband FB, text, phone calls with his 1st gf who he went to school with in his country philipines. The biggest shock of my life. Bn together and married 18yrs, home, 2 beautiful children, etc. he continued to talk to her for a wk after I found , then he stopped all communication. What hurts the most is him telling her he loved her for 27yrs, his emotional love and caring, which I never saw in 18yrs, sending her money, and even talking about me and all our problems in our household. Since then I haven't been the same. I told him he can go to her and his kids can visit him every yr. he said it was all lies, he was depressed, financial, and promised never to ever do it again. That we were going to die old together, etc. Now he is having performance issues and says he is always tired. If I ever bring up anything he is so defensive, he always avoids me ever approaching him for communication which I desperately need. More so since his affair. He was only talking to her for 2.5mos then I found out. He worked 2hrs away so he rented a room and we had 3 day wkends, he would come see us. He finally transferred closer to home because of our problems says to fix our problems and be closer to his family. My husband is a good provider and loves his children. I told him if a2nd times happens, divorce is a promise. He doesn't want a divorce say it would destroy our kids. I exposed this whole thing to ALL family members and he told my parents, so everyone knows the truth. Hewants me to forget about it and since he swept it under the rug, I am not healing and hating him more what he did. It's eating me alive. Our oldest is 18 and my daughter is 12. My problem is the lack of attention, communication, and intimacy in our marriage. That's what I most need. Now I am getting bitter. And I just feel he is with me because of the kids. I am so lonely and I told him already about 4 times. Why doesn't he want to go somewhere and talk with me, or have a nice long day with me at a beach or something to fix our problems? N0! He avoids me instead. Why? I dont understand. If he loves me why doesn't he do this for me so I can heal? This is the most painful experience in all my life. I hate him for doing this too me and the intense pain and suffering he caused me and is still doing to me. Idk how to approach him. I really want him to suffer and feel the pain I felt and continue feeling. If I'm around idk why he gets so nervous. He kisses me every am and before I go to bed. Something we never done in our whole 18yrs together. I know he wants to stay married, but I'm still hurting. Some men do NOT appreciate what they have until they are walking out the door in stiletto heels with a suitcase packed, KWIM? Do that. Ignore him and find your oldest GFs and go dancing....head to the beach...take a class together... Move on. be respectful to him.....but live yourself OUT LOUD. 2
2sunny Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 Maybe he's just hiding it better? Either way - since he's been hanging on so tight to his feelings for her - it's possible he hasn't made room for you? That kind of betrayal would end it for me.
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