polkadoodle Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 This is my current situation: I met a guy about seven months ago and we dated for a month (we were not physical) until he ended it saying he "just didn't feel it was going to work out." Since then however, we have continued hanging out at least once a week and we have become closer than ever during that time, going for dinners, walks, museums and spending time at each others houses. The truth is that I really want a relationship with him and feel that if I wait it out, he might develop feelings again and want a relationship too. What I don't know is whether I've been completely friend-zoned or if there is still a chance of this developing into something more…my feelings for him are becoming really strong but I am scared to risk ruining our friendship. Everything we do is very couple-y, just without the physical aspect. He says he can tell me anything and he feels completely comfortable with me. However, we never discuss dating other people - it seems to be completely off limits. We flirt with each other more than we did when we were dating, for example, we often make sexual innuendo's towards each other and we have also become a lot more touchy-feely when we're together. On the negative side, I've seen he has been recently active on his dating profile, but with that said, so have I. I'm too shy to cuddle with him, hold his hand or anything of the sort just incase it makes him uncomfortable. I feel intense chemistry with him, but I don't know what he's thinking. I don't know if he realizes I still have feelings for him (it's been 5-ish months since we dated). It's also important to mention he's a very shy and passive person and we are 20-somethings. Is it worth making a move or saying something? Or considering that he ended it with me in the past, should I accept that he is not interested in me in that way? What would be the best way for me to find out without flat out asking? Thanks for taking the time to read this.. any opinions are welcomed.
mammasita Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 In my experience, when a man tells you something....believe it. He's obviously friend zoned you months ago and enjoying your companionship with no strings. Not to mention he's active on a dating site. If you were "it" for him - he would have said something or made a move by now.
Zahara Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 So, he's now active on a dating site. What happens when he meets someone and begins to cut short or cut all time with you. You better step up, speak your mind. His answer will help you determine if you are wasting your time or not and it will also help you cut loose, heal and let go, if he tells you what you don't want to hear. Waiting around like a sitting duck, afraid to rock the boat is silly. If he likes you, he'll be receptive to you. If not, you have your answer, you move on. No need to keep clinging on and guessing.
kassy Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 I've known people to waste years on relationships like this. Do yourself a Favour. Forget your 'friendship' as being important. It only is so important because you want more. Let him know you like him and want to try dating again and see how it goes. If he says anything other than being thrilled and also totally on board then move on. Don't keep hanging out with the hope he'll see how great you are in time. Go and find someone else
MalachiX Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 Sounds like you're on the hook (as How I Met Your Mother calls it). Often times people will have a friend of the opposite gender who they have some chemistry with and can do couple-ish things with but who they don't want to date for one reason or another (sometimes because they don't think it will work out in the longer term and don't want to risk the friendship or sometimes just because they think they can do better). They often keep this person "on the hook" by being flirty with them because they like the attention, like having someone to do date-ish things with, and because they want to feel attractive. Sadly, these things never really materialize into anything. Often people don't even realize that they've got someone "on the hook." I don't think you should break off a friendship with this guy if you are getting close but I think you need to realize it's probably not going to amount to anything; especially if you dated and he already ended it.
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