SerCay Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 I'm wondering...does it still happen? Do people still meet, fall in love, get married, raise kids, have a wonderful life, are faithful and honest to each, and grow old together? I'm 26, have been in 2 past relationships, 1 current for 3 years now. A sh*tty relationship though, he's a commitmentphobe, I'm codependent etc etc EVERYONE, literally EVERY ONE in my past, in my surroundings every person I know has had troubles in their love life and ended up seperating. The ones that didnt were my grand parents, but they have a whole other mindset and my brother, but he's so scared because the traumas my parents caused him by divorce that that's his only reason to stay devoted. Are there stll couples (young couples) that stay together after 10 years? I'm starting to lose my hopes people...I see people lying, cheating, and having their cake and eating it too ALL the time...
d0nnivain Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 Although I have friends who are divorced, many in my circle have stayed together for decades & while there have been struggles, there was no infidelity. I even have 3 friends who met their SOs in high school married before they were 20 & are still together 20 - 25 years later. DH has at least a dozen buddies from his days in the service who are still married to women they met & married before age 22. Most of my sorority sisters have celebrated their 20 year anniversaries. Yes it is possible to have a healthy happy marriage. 1
Babolat Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 I'm wondering...does it still happen? Do people still meet, fall in love, get married, raise kids, have a wonderful life, are faithful and honest to each, and grow old together? I'm 26, have been in 2 past relationships, 1 current for 3 years now. A sh*tty relationship though, he's a commitmentphobe, I'm codependent etc etc EVERYONE, literally EVERY ONE in my past, in my surroundings every person I know has had troubles in their love life and ended up seperating. The ones that didnt were my grand parents, but they have a whole other mindset and my brother, but he's so scared because the traumas my parents caused him by divorce that that's his only reason to stay devoted. Are there stll couples (young couples) that stay together after 10 years? I'm starting to lose my hopes people...I see people lying, cheating, and having their cake and eating it too ALL the time... Not much to offer you, other than, I feel exactly the same, and had this discussion with a female friend last night.
Quiet Storm Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 (edited) I'm 37, married my HS sweetheart. We are happy & have three kids. We both came from "intact" families. I think our parents do influence us because they are our models for how marriage & relationships are supposed to go. When you are from a healthy, intact family, you learn good coping skills, how to compromise. You see how your parents make sacrifices & resolve conflict. My husband's family was emotionally healthier than mine, but even though my parents had issues, I saw them work though them & stay together. I also think that many men raised by single moms need strong, male role models. Single moms do their best, but simply can't provide the male influcence that boys need to be good husbands & fathers. There are a lot of guys that would like to meet a woman & fall in love, but have no older, wiser married males to guide them. The internet becomes their advisor, and porn becomes their woman. Edited November 13, 2013 by Quiet Storm 2
Babolat Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 I'm 37, married my HS sweetheart. We are happy & have three kids. We both came from "intact" families. I think our parents do influence us because they are our models for how marriage & relationships are supposed to go. When you are from a healthy, intact family, you learn good coping skills, how to compromise. You see how your parents make sacrifices & resolve conflict. My husband's family was emotionally healthier than mine, but even though my parents had issues, I saw them work though them & stay together. I also think that many men raised by single moms need strong, male role models. Single moms do their best, but simply can't provide the male influcence that boys need to be good husbands & fathers. There are a lot of guys that would like to meet a woman & fall in love, but have no older, wiser married males to guide them. The internet becomes their advisor, and porn becomes their woman. Spot on with the family/parent comments IMHO. Most of the woman I have recently dated come from emotionally unhealthy familes and/or previous relationships. Myself included. I am putting in the work and time to improve myself, though I do think some folks start off with an advantage, like your situation.
Babolat Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 I'm wondering...does it still happen? Do people still meet, fall in love, get married, raise kids, have a wonderful life, are faithful and honest to each, and grow old together? I'm 26, have been in 2 past relationships, 1 current for 3 years now. A sh*tty relationship though, he's a commitmentphobe, I'm codependent etc etc EVERYONE, literally EVERY ONE in my past, in my surroundings every person I know has had troubles in their love life and ended up seperating. The ones that didnt were my grand parents, but they have a whole other mindset and my brother, but he's so scared because the traumas my parents caused him by divorce that that's his only reason to stay devoted. Are there stll couples (young couples) that stay together after 10 years? I'm starting to lose my hopes people...I see people lying, cheating, and having their cake and eating it too ALL the time... I think it's importnat to note, at least in my social circles, what appears to be an amazing relationship, if you listen and watch, sometimes really is not. 2
Author SerCay Posted November 18, 2013 Author Posted November 18, 2013 I'm 37, married my HS sweetheart. We are happy & have three kids. We both came from "intact" families. I think our parents do influence us because they are our models for how marriage & relationships are supposed to go. When you are from a healthy, intact family, you learn good coping skills, how to compromise. You see how your parents make sacrifices & resolve conflict. My husband's family was emotionally healthier than mine, but even though my parents had issues, I saw them work though them & stay together. yes yes yes, all about role models. My parents had a siht relationship. My mom chose celibacy after divorcing and my dad is still struggling in his love life. As you see my examples aren't that good.... And then the thing of internet, porn, and individualism..everything being available right now right here, everyone being disposable and replaceable... Maybe I'll be positive one day on this topic..will start a new thread then
Absinthe Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 I'm 37, married my HS sweetheart. We are happy & have three kids. We both came from "intact" families. I think our parents do influence us because they are our models for how marriage & relationships are supposed to go. When you are from a healthy, intact family, you learn good coping skills, how to compromise. You see how your parents make sacrifices & resolve conflict. My husband's family was emotionally healthier than mine, but even though my parents had issues, I saw them work though them & stay together. I'd agree, but all bar one of my exes have come from broken homes - and that ex was terrified of commitment. Then again, despite his parents staying together, he said they argued constantly. "Staying together for the sake of the kids" isn't a good thing if it means the kids get the impression that marriage is a struggle to be overcome. I'd be scared of commitment too if that's what my parents had demonstrated to me. 1
Author SerCay Posted November 18, 2013 Author Posted November 18, 2013 I'd agree, but all bar one of my exes have come from broken homes - and that ex was terrified of commitment. Then again, despite his parents staying together, he said they argued constantly. "Staying together for the sake of the kids" isn't a good thing if it means the kids get the impression that marriage is a struggle to be overcome. I'd be scared of commitment too if that's what my parents had demonstrated to me. You described my bf.
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