Sadguy33 Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 Hey guys so in september I was cheated on and dumped by my girlfriend of 5 years. We broke up and she has moved out. Coincidently, a few days before we broke up an old friend asked to catch up and she became a sounding board for my break up ( which she was/is totally okay with). During the last month we have been getting more intimate and there are just so many feelings I feel like I am going crazy. She really likes me and treats me very well. She is the girl I should have been dating for 5 years. I have been single before this 5 year relationship. But here is the problem. 1. Sex is different...i dont know if its performance anxiety or if I dont find her as attractive, but there is something missing with sex. However, you should know my last relationship was based on sex (horrible sex, but it was). it was our weird way of making up I guess and i became conditioned to not having intimate sex. 2. The ex has been contacting me because big surprise, she hit reality and is very upset. Its not that i would take her back right now, but the fact that she is telling me how much she regrets things and how this was all for nthing that i cant help but feel feelings. The feelings are polar opposites of what i feel with the new girl. 3. She is not a rebound type of girl, she is the kind you date and start a relationship with. She is very, very good for me and i dont have to be blind to see that. But do i need to rebound with other girls? would it be wrong to start dating? Ill ask other questions when they come, it just feels very complex. any thoughts?
d0nnivain Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 A rebound is a place holder -- a warm body you stick in the empty space created when your old relationship ended. If you genuinely like the new girl for who she is & not just because she is here / convenient, yes you can start to build a real relationship. If you are just hanging out with her because she's here then she may be a rebound.
Phantom888 Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 If you have no feelings for her, and just using her for company, then she is a rebound. You can have genuine feelings for a new woman.... the rebound rule is not applicable all the time.
Author Sadguy33 Posted November 12, 2013 Author Posted November 12, 2013 I do genuinely like her, i have always had a place for her in my heart over the last decade but we never got together. She had a crush on me and highschool. She is very understanding of the situation and doesnt want me to feel like i have to start a new relatonship but i cant help feeling guilty that she isnt getting the "proper beginning" to a relationship. She says she doesnt mind but should i feel guilty? im sorry i feel like this is coming out so jumbled
d0nnivain Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 Its a beginning. As long as you aren't using her to replace your EX, don't feel guilt just move forward. I literally fell in love with the man who is now my husband the day after my EX died. Should I have felt guilty & kicked out a perfectly good man because the timing wasn't ideal?
Author Sadguy33 Posted November 13, 2013 Author Posted November 13, 2013 Another problem is that sex just isn't the same. I can't finish because it just doesn't feel as good as it did with my ex. I find the new girl very attractive but physically she's not as drop dead gorg as my ex and that ****s with my head. Don't get me wrong the new girl is extremely pretty just not in a "hot" way that I found my ex to be.
AShogunNamedMarcus Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 Another problem is that sex just isn't the same. I can't finish because it just doesn't feel as good as it did with my ex. I find the new girl very attractive but physically she's not as drop dead gorg as my ex and that ****s with my head. Don't get me wrong the new girl is extremely pretty just not in a "hot" way that I found my ex to be. Ahh yes. Comparing everyone to that one great love, at least on some level. The one that after years still is the sexiest, most generous, caring person you've met in your life. (in my case) One of those things we have to accept. Have to be thankful for having it, without being too sad for losing it. But until we get to that acceptance, should we bother trying to lie to ourselves when we haven't accepted it?
Author Sadguy33 Posted November 16, 2013 Author Posted November 16, 2013 I agree but it makes me feel insane . My ex has literally ruined my life. She tore me in hf I don't see why I care about her. I literally up at 5 I. The morning because I'm worried about who my ex could be with right now. All of this while I have a beautiful new companion who treats me amazingly. It's simply body type differences. I'm sorry I made you cringe but its not as black and white as it seems
Author Sadguy33 Posted November 16, 2013 Author Posted November 16, 2013 Is it normal to feel like how i do? Or am I insane
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