Multiple chances - a road to hell

[Arkona]

Hi everyone…

 

After browsing through these forums, I felt perhaps that this is the place where my story fits. So here it goes… My WALL OF TEXT:(

 

A year ago I was married to a man that took me at best for granted and at the new work, I’ve met a guy that was 4 years younger than me, but we instantly clicked: same hobbies, same interest, same humor, same …well, you get the point. I was always sarcastic type when it came to all that ‘soulmate thing’, but with him, I started to believe it. Problem was, he was in a relationship as well.

 

Despite that, we started seeing eachother, I did not want to continue doing that without breaking up with my husband, so I divorced. Yes…I hoped he will do the same with his girlfriend and that we can actually start something we both wanted, or I thought so. After several months of him publicly being with his girl, and keeping me in closet, I tried to break it off because I felt as a second choice; while in return, I always put him first, before everything. Problem was…every time I would try to leave, he would do everything he could to stop me, because according to him ‘we were meant to be together’. I believed it…oh, I believed every word he said because I loved him as I never loved before. In the meantime of this crazy roller coaster ride where we would be ‘leaving eachother’ on and off every few weeks, he slept with my co-worker. Naturally, I felt completely broken when I found out, and his excuse? ‘I wanted some leverage in case you would do something like that to me, because you met with your husband to talk’. Yes, this was obvious sign that something is terribly wrong with how he justifies things that are just wrong. But I forgave him…or at least I tried. I did not want to lose him, no matter what.

 

Several months passed again, with us meeting between 4 walls of my apartment; I moved to my own place, settled down things with my ex, I was ready to start a life with him, despite the hurt. And so he went to see his girlfriend or more specifically; he went to break up with her. Instead of doing that, he slept with her and sent me a message that he loves her and doesn’t want me in his life anymore. Yet another strike to my heart…but even then I didn’t stop loving him. Heart is a dumb thing… Few weeks after, he moved to a city quite far away, where she lives, started at a new job. I kept No Contact, until he one day texted me that he is single and that he is ready to start a life with me, that he will do whatever it takes.

 

This was several months back….countless hours on the phone, me finding out he is still spending time with his ex (according to him as friends), listening to his explanations why he couldn’t be with me…apparently he was afraid to get hurt. Again, I took him back into my arms, if you love someone, you should never give up on them just because it gets hard, right? Wish I never heard that sentence.

 

We got back quickly into ‘today I love you, tomorrow I am saying goodbye to you and asking you to never contact me again’ mode. He would get completely cold and emotionless, refusing to come see me even when I offered to pay for the trip, unable to say ‘Yes’ when I asked if we are doing this finally, but at the same time… unwilling to let go of me ‘Because he loves me and there is no life without me’. Finally he came to see me a week ago, after 3 months of not seeing eachother, saying he cant do this, barely even able to look me in the eyes. I said my goodbyes to him…cried my heart out, only to have him write me that he f*cked up and that I need to give him another chance…and stupid me, I did. I love him, I feel like I need him…and it’s a horrible feeling when you need someone like him.

 

We talked on the phone and agreed to start this properly. Despite him saying that he is trying everything he can to make US work, I kept seeing the same things from the past: not calling, or even sending one message in 2 days when we live so far apart, promising to come see me and failing to show, unable to even say he loves me. So I called him, told him this is it…the end for me. He cried terribly on the phone, begging me to not let go, to keep trying, that I am his soul mate. I hanged up… cried the whole night, skipped the work next day, unable to function and do simple things as eating.

 

A friend called me today and said he is back with his ex. Barely 24 hours after we stopped talking. I am beyond broken; I don’t understand how someone can tell you they can’t live without you, only to replace you in less than a day. I feel like I spent the whole year making a base for the life with him, and now he is back with the woman he left for me. I can’t stop thinking that he sees me as a mistake that broke up something good he had (despite him saying she was not good for him) and it pains me that one person I loved so much would think that of me. I never hurt him, never did anything bad, gave him so many chances to make this right…His ignorance towards my pain, ability to move on so quickly after refusing to let go of me while I still had some control over my feelings for him…its devastating.

 

There… it was a long and crazy ride. I don’t know how to cope; hell…I don’t even know how to get out of bed at this point. Nothing seems to matter without him, despite all the bad. I do not wish this on anyone. While most of you won’t even read the whole thing, I am thankful that this forum exist…and perhaps some of you that do, can offer me a little guidance as how to get out of bed, how to accept that one person you love is somewhere smiling and being happy with someone else

[Stealth3]

Guess you found out grass ain't greener on the other side. That guy sounds like a total player, played you and probably his gf like pawns onohis chessboard.

 

You were used, learn from it and next time be smart about it. Cut him from your life and walk away before you get hurt more....my advice.

[Stealth3]

And honestly, girls like you are probably the reason half the people on this forum are on this forum.

[chir]

I can totally understand why you keep taking him back. Keep thinking he is just so weak

And you need to be there for him.

 

Don't ..as you had learnt .. he is selfish. Period. It is hell with him and hellx10 when u leave him. For now. Yes you feel like ****. But it will get better..really not now not immediately. .but it will. He is totally not worth it.. you might know and you hate yourself for knowing yet you cannot stop loving him.

 

I cant tell you to just switch off the feeling. But you can start loving yourself. There is nothing about you which needs to be treated like that. No way.

 

Be brave.. go through the pain. You will make it.

[Confusedguy81]

Sorry but I don't feel bad for you. This guy is an idiot and you bought into his bs numerous times. I'm sorry if that seems cold but it is the truth.

[Mz_sassy_77]

A friend called me today and said he is back with his ex. Barely 24 hours after we stopped talking. I am beyond broken; I don’t understand how someone can tell you they can’t live without you, only to replace you in less than a day. I feel like I spent the whole year making a base for the life with him, and now he is back with the woman he left for me. I can’t stop thinking that he sees me as a mistake that broke up something good he had (despite him saying she was not good for him) and it pains me that one person I loved so much would think that of me. I never hurt him, never did anything bad, gave him so many chances to make this right…His ignorance towards my pain, ability to move on so quickly after refusing to let go of me while I still had some control over my feelings for him…its devastating.

 

 

This is how some people are. My ex slept with someone a week after we broke up. He says he doesn't want a relationship and yet he is actively trying to find someone new. And some of these "new" people have the same characteristics as me - and he didn't like them. But he doesn't care...so long as there is someone there. Some people just need to be with someone. Seems they don't care who it is as long as there is someone.

 

I feel sorry for the next person my ex dates cos he doesn't really feel, you know. He doesn't really attach or love. It's superficial. Maybe that's how your ex is too.

 

You don't want to hear this but you are better off without him. Really you are. After a few months without my ex and I could look at the RS objectively I realized what a user he is and that is wasn't real love. Just takes some time but you will get there. I feel for this other poor woman too who has invested what 4 years with him and it sounds like he is using her.