LearningtoFly62 Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 I am new to this forum. I have browsed through many of the topics and decided to give it a shot. My fiance (female 25) and myself (male 30)decided to seperate about 4 months ago. We were together for a total of a little over 2 years and engaged about 1 year. We were always very happy and complimented each other very well. We were scheduled to be married in September of this year. Plans were of course in full swing and everything seemed to be going smoothly. Then sometime in May she expressed that she wasn't sure about getting married. Of course I took this as a surprise. Never saw it coming. We went along with our relationship trying to figure out what we were going to do. This of course caused a lot of stress and tension in the relationship. She was uncertain with herself and stressed a lot of becoming a more independent woman. She then suddenly decides she want to move out of the state to stay with some family and try things on her own for awhile. We decided that long distance was going to cause more strain on our relationship, so we decided that it was best to end things. I of course did not want this at all, but I care very much about her happiness and did not want her to resent me. This is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life of letting go of my bestfriend and the person I loved the most. I've been through the breakup process before but this was so much more difficult. So, we arranged to move things out of the house and she went on her way in search of herself. The sadness and heartache was the most unbearable feelings to deal with and honestly still is now. There was no big fight, no hatred or animosity between the two of us. Things were left open that we could possibly rekindle things. The problem is, there is no guarantee that she will move back. I have tried my hardest to accept this and go about doing things for myself. Then, I recieve the call from her one evening. We talked for a good while and she expressed her affection and how much she missed me. I of course fed into it and reciprocated these feelings. We started pretty much talking on a nightly basis for a few weeks. We shared how things just didn't feel right and that we both felt that things are not over between us. Now, for the past couple of weeks or so we have not talked as much and when we do, she seems to be pulling away from me again. I know this could be due to many possibilities and some I just don't want to think about. We are still friendly with each other but she just seems distant. I just don't understand why SHE would call me and express the feelings of love towards me and then start to pull away again. It seems very unfair to my mental and emotional well being. My feelings for her are pretty straight forward and she knows this. I don't feel the need to beg and plead for her to come back and I won't do that. I want her to be happy and find what she is looking for. At the same time, I want my best friend back in my life. I am sure I have over analyzed the situation and just need to go about doing things for me. That is what I am doing and will still do. I just have no interest in looking for someone else nor do I care to at this time. I just want to know if she is truly wanting to rekindle things at some point and why pull away from me again after initiating the contact? Complicated and crazy situation, I know. Thanks for reading and any input. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LearningtoFly62 Posted November 12, 2013 Author Share Posted November 12, 2013 Any advice or input for me would be very much appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 Similar story as mine. Basically, she has lost feelings for you and the RS and there is nothing you can do. And of course she misses you and will continue to confuse you by telling you this often. Best bet is to initiate NC, and begin healing and recovering. As much as it sucks, it's time to move on. As the weeks and months go by, you will understand more and see things more clearly. Good luck, and stay strong! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Canadiangirl78 Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 Sorry that you're going through this. Your story has some similarities to my own so I understand. I'm also struggling because I know WHAT I'm supposed to he doing, it's the HOW that has me troubled. Some days I can barely move to be honest but I am just taking it all as it comes I guess. It's so much harder when there wasn't a huge blowup to look back on and blame for it ending. When it just sort of happens you are left analyzing everything and all the possibilities of when, where and how it all started to unravel.. It's hard, I know. Posting your thoughts and feelings here will help. It helps get different perspectives on things. Take care of yourself, if you don't nobody else will. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LearningtoFly62 Posted November 12, 2013 Author Share Posted November 12, 2013 Thanks mtnbiker. I feel for you too. I have good days and bad days. Trying to stay as strong as I can. Part of me really wants to hang on to hope that we will one day find each other again. That unfortunately is an uncertainty and the only certainties in life are uncertainties. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LearningtoFly62 Posted November 12, 2013 Author Share Posted November 12, 2013 Thanks Canadiangirl. I'm sorry you have had to go through a similar situation. I do think it is harder dealing with things when there was no big fight or meltdown. I am left wondering about the what ifs right now. The only thing that I can do and control is myself at this time. Thanks again and best of luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 Part of me really wants to hang on to hope that we will one day find each other again. The faster and more completely you squash this line of thinking the better. It will keep you in limbo hell and not allow you to move on and heal. Which is now your main objective... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MoooOinkBaaa Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 Why did you get engaged so fast? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LearningtoFly62 Posted November 13, 2013 Author Share Posted November 13, 2013 Mtnbiker that is what I am working on. I cannot give myself false hope by counting on an uncertainty. I realize this and of course it is easier said than done. It will take a lot of time to emotionally heal and that continues with my goals for self improvement for myself and nobody else right now. Moo we had known each other for many years prior before becoming a couple. Timing finally fell into place and we developed a relationship with each other. Things did move pretty fast but felt right at the time. In retrospect I suppose my instincts were far from on point. I can say with confidence that I regret nothing about our relationship and the decisions we made when we were a couple. Things obviously did not go as planned. Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 Mtnbiker that is what I am working on. I cannot give myself false hope by counting on an uncertainty. I realize this and of course it is easier said than done. It will take a lot of time to emotionally heal and that continues with my goals for self improvement for myself and nobody else right now. Excellent!! Keep up the good work and come here for as much support as needed. We'll cheer you on every step of the way... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LearningtoFly62 Posted November 13, 2013 Author Share Posted November 13, 2013 Thanks mtnbiker. Support and cheering up are always welcomed these days. Having an outlet like this already seems to help by just being able to vent and obtain outsider input. Link to post Share on other sites
barky2 Posted November 14, 2013 Share Posted November 14, 2013 Where she moved to, does she know anyone? Has she ever lived there before? Seems as this point she is done, she got nostalgic and called you, but still doesn't want the relationship, at least not now. Answer my first two questions and I'll dive in a little more. Barky Link to post Share on other sites
Author LearningtoFly62 Posted November 14, 2013 Author Share Posted November 14, 2013 She decided to move to Florida from Virginia to stay with her aunt and uncle. She has visited there before but never lived there. She has family ties in VA and lived in VA all her life. It almost she feels like she was wanting to fill a void and ran away. Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted November 14, 2013 Share Posted November 14, 2013 I'm sorry for your situation but there's no where to go but UP from here! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LearningtoFly62 Posted November 14, 2013 Author Share Posted November 14, 2013 Thanks me. Got to keep on keeping on! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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