SJC2008 Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 I seem to always rationalize myself into being single. I think part of it is legit but most of it is that I'm too damaged and don't want to get invested in a woman. A perfect example would be when I went on a date with a 42 year a couple of years ago when I was 29. I told myself "What if I want to get married and have kids?". OTOH, there's this young girl that I like who is 20, I'm about to be 32 and I'm thinking "I don't want to get married but I don't want to hurt her if I change my mind and decide to date someone older". I seem to jump to the big picture at the end before even getting to know that person. Like I said I think part of this "problem" is good because I don't want to use/hurt someone but it looks like I subconscously do it to keep myself off the market. I don't know what to do with myslef...
d0nnivain Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 When you find yourself thinking those thoughts, will yourself to stop. refocus on the selected date activity & live in the present. Think about how much fun it will be to spend the next 4-5 hours at the movies or at dinner with your date. Do not think more than 24 - 48 hours in advance. In the very beginning of dating you don't need to assess whether the other person will be a good spouse or parent to your future children; you only need to determine whether they will be an enjoyable companion for the next few hours. Obviously if they do or say something while you are together that is fundamentally antithetical to your basic principles, you don't have to see them again but don't start off trying to predict & control the future.
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