Too All The Dumpees Get Some Pride, Follow My Lead

[BBB08]

To all of those who have been dumped and the Relationship is over. Just let it be. Go with the F*ck it attitude.

 

Here are some key steps. If you are in any position and you're the dumper or dumpee and having a hard time getting over it.

 

1) First you MUST erase your X's number out of your phone book on your phone. I found it much easier not to have to scroll through my phone book and go by her name.

 

2) Another key is Block on any type of Messenger,

3) Drop off the face of the earth

When this is done your will start developing a pattern and will get used to it.

 

 

Me and my X ended it in May, she treated me like ****, pretended that i was a nobody and i started to wonder why someone would be so "too cool" all of a sudden.

We'd talk all the time and when I'd phone her, she'd give me the I'm to busy right now can't talk, or not pick up at all, but when we were dating she was like PARIS HILTON with her phone.

I agree you do feel like **** in the beggining.

What i did wrong was after 3 months of not talking to her she'd occasionally message me on messenger ask me "sooo what's new with you" and i'd be nice and say " ooh nothing much".

And this went one for a couple of months where she'd contact me for like 2 weeks straight then stop and then again.

 

 

Then i started thinking WOW!!! I must look like a big idiot. She screwed me over, made me feel like **** and when ever she talks to me , THEEEERE I AM. Wow she must think what do I have to do to this guy to getting him hating me.

 

 

Well i finally did it Blocked her on messenger, and at first i was worried "but she'll know i blocked her cuz i'm not on anymore"

 

WHOOO GIVVVES A ****!!!!!

And to all those who are going through pain right now...................... IT IS THE GREATEST FEELING ever waking up and not giving a crap who are what our X's are doing

[Isabella82]

I would just like to say that all this has helped me too. I have done all of these things and it helps a lot. Every time I went online and my ex didn't talk to me I would get so upset and hurt, but now he is blocked, I can not tell when he is on and he can't tell when I am on, and that makes me feel better.

 

At first I thought, if I block him, he will forget about me, but you know what I came to realize WHO THE F CARES. Honestly I rather him not talk to me, because if he did I would never get over him.

 

I know I can't be with him again, I can not trust him anymore. I thought maybe he took me off of his buddy list, so I checked, and I'm still on there, well I was when I checked a while ago. Don't know why I'm still on there he never talks to me!

 

I still check his profile, and I know I should not. His profile used to be all about me, and now it is just his name and location, I know that eventually it will say something about the next girl and it will hurt me. I just can't seem to stop checking his profile.

 

Another thing I did was stop talking to his friend, well he was both of our friends, known him for 8 years, but I had to stop talking to him, it just reminds me of my ex. I am young I try to go out and have fun.

[BBB08]

In 10 Years you'll look back and wonder, I was such an idiot. What did we see in them.

[GreenCap]

Hey All

 

I started doing all that today prior to reading the posting. It is amazing, it is like giving yourself the permission to live again without the pain of yesterday. It is LIBERATING!!!

 

I stopped talking to our mutual friends even and have declined all invitations for holiday parties etc (don't worry have other places to go). Even told (lied) to these mutual friends that I would be moving out of the state and if I feel like it, out of the country. Don't care what they think or what they say or do anymore.

 

Precisely drop off the face of the earth....this is perhaps the best advice I have gotten to date on LS, no offense to the other people....taking charge feels more empowering than to forgive and forget

 

Hopefully there will be no relapses and even then, I am thankful my career is taking off and can take me places and foreign postings if I want to. Seasons merriment to all and the motto for the week should be "I DON'T GIVE A F***!!!!!

[BBB08]

That's the way..............WHO GIVES A f***C........

 

People out there don't let someone have that much of an impact on your life............

 

Drop of the face of the earth.........It's a WIN WIN situation....

 

Either they'll call you wondering what's up and or they won't and you'll eventually forget and won't even care. Anymore.............

 

 

Life's to short to sulk over somebody, good luck

[XNemesisX]

lol easier said than done

 

Keep up the strength though! I have been pretty strong here lately, but I'm also feeling a bit of a relapse may be on the way!

 

Relapses suck.

 

Wouldn't it just be nice if there was a pill you could take that would make you not even think about them at all anymore?

 

Since there isn't, guess we just have to cope the best ways we know how!

[kodiak]

Hey Guys-

 

I went through a very hurtfull breakup back in June and I still miss my ex till this day and am still very much inlove with her. She will always be my soulmate but i will never be hers and i know that. Anyways I agree with all the post above. A wise man once told me a great saying and i want to share it with everyone guy her. The best way to deal with a break up is revenge. I dont mean bad revenge by any means. I would never wish anything but the best for my ex but then again our realationship ended because of bad timing and long distance. We were still very much inlove. So here is the saying- "the sweetest revenge is when its erved cold. There is nothing better than bumbing into your ex a few years down the road, after you have your own lucrative buisiness, dropped a few pounds, put on that rock hard six pack. Not to mention your swedish model standing by your side" GET IT ON!!! Take Care Guys...............Kodiak

 

 

Ladies you can use this too, but you just have to change the six pack part and the swedish model.lol.....

[jellybean]

Originally posted by BBB08

People out there don't let someone have that much of an impact on your life............

 

You are right, of course...but I also think it takes time for many of us heartbroken Shackers to get to the 'I don't give a f*ck' stage'.

 

I do hope I get there soon tho.....

 

3 billion men in the world, and I allow myself to become

crippled by ONE...*big sigh*

[GreenCap]

Hey guys

 

I didn't mean to suggest that my healing was easy...if that were the case, I would never have come online in the first place. Most of you know my story: 3-month breakup, she found a new guy and wants to marry him and left Saturday to take him to see her parents etc.

 

I made a pathetic mistake of calling her before she got on the plane to beg her not to go. Not only did I break my own no contact rule, I realized I stooped down to my lowest point of self esteem and confidence. I really hated myself - I stared in the mirror: I saw a man I did not recognize...haven't showered for days, haven't eaten except drinking etc.

 

My motto has always been live and let live and most people know me as a happy go lucky person - and all I saw was this stranger man in the mirror. I had to do something to get over feeling sorry for myself. It was a three year relationship and I had plans galore for us - home, kids, travels etc. But apparently she didn't want me to be in the picture, so be it. And the washboard abs do help as well as I have joined a gym to take up competitive squash again. Life is sweet, a new beginning in a new year. Let the snow fall down and clean the air, clean the environment and make sure no dogs are around to spoil the whiteness of it all :-D

[Weird]

yep, great advice and it is my philosophy I take it.

 

There are what, 6.4 billion people in the world so why let one person have such an impact on your life? Also, life went on before the person and it will go on after the person.

 

I know it is hard to get to this point but once a person does and realizes "who gives a *****" it feels great. I've been there for a while so I know it is easy for me to say. One thing that helps is to realize that if you were truly a great partner then hey, you did the best you could and it wasnt meant to be.

 

I also can relate to having trivial IM convos with the ex. I did that recently and would just think to myself "wtf is this girl so boring?" but thankfully I was already in the "I don't give a *****" stage so trying to talk to her didn't matter. I did it more for fun and a good laugh (to see how useless it was) than anything else.

[LexiB]

Originally posted by jellybean

3 billion men in the world, and I allow myself to become

crippled by ONE...*big sigh*

 

Ha, tell me about it. And in my case, one that isnt even that attractive. Geez, what the hell is the matter with me?

 

Good suggestions tho. Been doing those things for awhile off and on and everytime I stop its the same cycle. Communication goes great for a while but then something happens to make me feel even more stupid than before. Def. best to stick with it!

[nikki81922]

Okay, this sounds like a great plan and it probably would have worked for me 3 years ago. My problem however is that I have two children, fathered by this man. I really can't just cut him out of my life.(as much i would love to)

 

I'll give you an overview.....we met 4 years ago, we were in the same place in our lives, young, no responsibilities, just out to have fun. He had a g/f at the time, I was just dating around. Sometime within the following year we developed feelings for one another. His g/f broke up with him, we got together a week later. Eventually we got an apartment, and as I started to mature, he didn't. He insisted on partying 7 nights a week, lying about where he was going. I suspected he was cheating on me with this sk@nk from his work but i had no proof or confession from him so i had no choice but to believe him. I found out I was pregnant, he continued his adolescent behavior, when i was five months along and we could no longer hide it we started telling our friends. When the sk@nk found out, she practically dissappeared from his life, all the more reason to believe he was cheating. I continued to try to make things work, don't get me wrong it wasn't bad all the time. When things were good they were GREAT, I mean really great! I also do not claim to be without fault here either, I made my fair share of mistakes. We had a beautiful baby girl, at this point he made the easy transition of working very hard to keep me out of his social life. He worked nights, so it was so simple to come home whenever he felt like it, and I spent many, many nights alone. Yet he griped about a non-existent sex life, "I said spend more time at home and we'd be able to have more sx" he said "Have more sex and i'll spend more time at home" the chicken and the egg theory I guess. I found out I was pregnant again, We continued having the same fights about money, sex, alcoholism on his part, and numerous other things. Last december we gave birth to baby spencer, life continued to get worse then better then worse then better then worse again. In the last year we only slept in the same bed about 14 times, you cn imagine what our sex life was like. While I'm here taking care of his kids, he is out partying and drinking with a bunch of people he barely knows. I told him I wanted him to move out a few months ago, he begged me to stay, he swore he would change, blah blah blah. I told him it would be best if he moved out, we could still try to work on things but I could not commit myself to his problems anymore. Over and over he told me how much he loved me and he didn't want anything but a life with me and our children.

 

I finally got him to actually leave two months ago, and the past two months i have not hurt for him at all. I really believed that it was for the best, when people asked what was going on, are we going to get back together, i told them probably not, it depends on him. After he moved out he told me he realized what an idiot he was during our relationship, and he was going to do everything in his power to change.

 

Well last week I snooped in his e-mail and found correspondence to and from his EX. Apparently they got in touch, and he told her repeatedly that he wanted to get back together with her. She turned him down which i think is actually kind of funny. But after I read those emails I really truly started to hurt for the first time since we broke up. The last week has been the worst week of my life, I've been binge eating, I can't finish the most simple housework. I talked to him about all of this, and it doesn't even seem to phase him. This past saturday was his birthday party. So I spent an obscene amount of money on a new outfit, I must say I looked D@MN FINE, he was speechless when i walked in the door. Then his EX came over (which I knew she was going to) and I cannot express how much better I look than her, she has the worst body, the worst personality, I'm so much more intelligent. So while part of me felt so much better about myself after seeing her, another side of me felt even worse. How could he want her and not me? It's not even that I want to be with him, I guess I just thought that this whole break up would allow him to grow up and realize what is important in life, then we could be together and actually be happy. But he has made his decision, and it's killing me that he didn't choose us.

 

I guess I kind of got off track...i want to know if anyone has any suggestions for me. I can't cut him out of my life, but I need to get over this. I know deep down that we are better off without his influence in our life, so how can I get past this pain. I have to talk to him almost everyday, and everytime i do I am just reminded of how he chose that empty life over life with me and the kids.

[Isabella82]

Originally posted by BBB08

In 10 Years you'll look back and wonder, I was such an idiot. What did we see in them.

 

 

God I hope so, I really really do. That is what I say about my ex from high school. But can't possibly say that about this guy.

 

 

About the whole closure thing, I thought I needed closure too, but you know what, you probably will never get it. I mean he is a guy that will never admit that he was wrong, never has been. So why would I expect him to call me and say I am so sorry I was wrong. That is just not going to happen. People have to make their own closure.

[BBB08]

Well here's my deal, I was 23 she is 19 and going to college.

 

And as time goes on I wonder how I did not see it coming. I mean a girl who is starting college, nobody wants a relationship. I remember 2 years ago when I was in college I didnt care about relationships or things like that I wanted my freedom.

 

So I can't really blame my ex for what happend. I initiated our break up, not only becuase of myself but becuase of her. This goes for everyone who is dating someone who is in college or younger then you in the late teen early twenties stage.

I look at it this way if we hadn't broken up b4 school, it would of eventually happend later down the road and probably would of hurt alot more. You gotta let people go and see what's out there, I believe College is when people start change. And if your in a relationship that change will be slowed down.

 

I initiated it but then my X was the mean one for a while. And its been 8 months since our break up, but just two months ago we started talking again. Nothing Romantic or about the past just, about how each of us is doing and joking around like we used to. And the funny thing is the way we talk, it was all of the best, I mean it's almost like both of us are thinking that "it was the best thing" that could of happend.

 

And i went through it all when we broke up, i thought there was someone else lined up. But there wasn't she just wanted to be alone and try to grow as a person. And I subconciacly knew that and I initiated the break up. It's taken about 8 months to realise that, and i just realized it.

Becuase i was the same way, breaking up with girls not becuase i wanted other girls, just becuase i wanted to be carefree do my school work.

So in a way it was the best thing that could of happend.

[Weird]

nikki,

 

only thing I can say is just keep remembering you KNOW he is not worth being with you and just keep thinking about your kids and focus your life on them not this clown and whatever crap he is doing. I know it is easier said than done but I am sure you can do it if you put your mind to it.

 

Here's hoping it all works out:)

[Puma]

i think all this is true and helpful advice. it goes along the lines of ignorance is bliss..it is hard to keep with but it does help it seems

 

BBB08,

im gonna be 22 my ex is 19 and she broke up with me for not being ready for a serious relationship, wantin to have fun, take advantage of college, so i can relate to ur situation u tlakin about. but if thats the case then why dotheyeven settle down with us inthe first place?? or after being with us do they realize they want their freedom?

and i understand as i was the same way not to long ago..i wanted to be single and just enjoy and party a bit..but of course i have outgrown taht and ya can even call me a bit of a party pooper but i just like to do other stuff for fun instead of gettin drunk, smoking, goin parties, etc. anyways it sound as if u two are still ingood terms and thats great...would u or do u see chance for reconcilliation now or the near future even??

[BBB08]

Hey Pump....

 

Umm i think they settle down with us in the first place because initially they do like us but, what we gotta understand is that just think back that you want you freedom. But i notice girls usually realize in the first or second year of college that it's not just like that.

 

Ummm well we pretty much are reconciled not in ways of getting back together but in the matter where we have talked and it was a friendlly tone.

The think now is I'm not gonna go out of my way to talk to her. I will be polite and talk when she contacts me, but don't take it as anything. Like I'm at the point where it feels like I don't even really know her.

For all i know she could look different act different. So i really dont know if i would want her anymore.

 

I look at it this way PUMA... I like the person b4 and that person does not exist anymore. So i just look at it this way.

 

Like I said i have never been hurt b4 so it is almost a blessing in discuise, cus someone once told me to know what you want you have to get hurt at least once. And that's that.

 

So hope you're getting through it, your X was pretty much younger too, so what were we thinking right?? Just ask yourself, how many people do you know that are still together with a g/f when they met at 19. It rarely happens.... Take care

[Puma]

BBB08,

yeah i agree with ya there..they really fall for us..i know mine did and pretty hard which is why she got scared cause she felt if she could love me that much..she was puttin her plans of studyin abroad to the side for me and she didnt want to do that..hell she even left vacation to mexico one week earlier than she had plannned cause she couldnt be without me that long...i guess after that she started gettin more distant cause she realized that i had that kind of hold on her.

 

she also felt a lot of pressure from school finals, classes, and b4 that she broke up with me..she is in her second year now. i know that def had somethin to do with it.

 

wow, u never been hurt? ive been a couple times so i knew that my ex was the right one for me...then i get hurt again!! i was so coo with being single butasiget older i just want to settle down more..i guess since shes19 she still has yet to reach the point im at now in my life..as she said so also. we are at diff levelsandshe said thats shes not good for me right now..but its that right now that gets us thinkin the most..its leavin that door open. well i actually do know a few..but they have been off and on...these days everyoe seems to be more inclined to open relationships, etc...where did the monogamy go???!!

[BBB08]

I don't know what to tell you, it's all a game at that age, and i'll be honest I'm playing it.

 

She contacted me for like 2 months, i did not do it once!! And we talked and she kept saying she was gonna come to my city and stuff like that. And she'd tell me she'd write an assignment at school about what happend to me and her and that she got a good grade.

 

Then she won't talk to me for months. I guess she is seeing if I'll go running after her. So I think she just does it when she's bored to see what I'm up to, but whatever.

 

And time does work, the longer it goes on, the more you see that she isn't that great, and you see that you offered alot. And eventually they will miss that.

 

It's weird that at first I'd hate to go online and see her on there, but now i see her and i don't feel bad not talking to her, and of course i know she's pissed of but, ahhh welll. It's over right.

 

So hey, just be nice when they do contact you, say as little as possible and stay on course. It's wierd how if your ignorant and rude and ignore them, they want you more. Sad thing, but that's how it works.

[303]

Originally posted by BBB08

To all of those who have been dumped and the Relationship is over. Just let it be. Go with the F*ck it attitude.

 

Here are some key steps. If you are in any position and you're the dumper or dumpee and having a hard time getting over it.

 

1) First you MUST erase your X's number out of your phone book on your phone. I found it much easier not to have to scroll through my phone book and go by her name.

 

2) Another key is Block on any type of Messenger,

3) Drop off the face of the earth

When this is done your will start developing a pattern and will get used to it.

 

 

Me and my X ended it in May, she treated me like ****, pretended that i was a nobody and i started to wonder why someone would be so "too cool" all of a sudden.

We'd talk all the time and when I'd phone her, she'd give me the I'm to busy right now can't talk, or not pick up at all, but when we were dating she was like PARIS HILTON with her phone.

I agree you do feel like **** in the beggining.

What i did wrong was after 3 months of not talking to her she'd occasionally message me on messenger ask me "sooo what's new with you" and i'd be nice and say " ooh nothing much".

And this went one for a couple of months where she'd contact me for like 2 weeks straight then stop and then again.

 

 

Then i started thinking WOW!!! I must look like a big idiot. She screwed me over, made me feel like **** and when ever she talks to me , THEEEERE I AM. Wow she must think what do I have to do to this guy to getting him hating me.

 

 

Well i finally did it Blocked her on messenger, and at first i was worried "but she'll know i blocked her cuz i'm not on anymore"

 

WHOOO GIVVVES A ****!!!!!

And to all those who are going through pain right now...................... IT IS THE GREATEST FEELING ever waking up and not giving a crap who are what our X's are doing

 

wow this is scary how similar it is what happened to me, same month even!!

 

i did the EXACT same thing as you and it really hurts to have to cut that person off that you loved so much but the time comes where you have to look after #1 and you can only wait for that person for so long.

 

good luck!