Nygirl22 Posted December 20, 2004 Posted December 20, 2004 I just do not get this whole no contact. I love this man more than anything I made a mistake, I do not get how he can just act as if I feel off the earth no calls nothing. the more he does not call me the more i want to call him and i do and i leave messages and no return calls. I can't take it. Is it a game? I just want to talk and make this right i feel like by not calling i am giving up and i do not want to give up i want to make it right.
lexnmike4enomore Posted December 20, 2004 Posted December 20, 2004 [the more he does not call me the more i want to call him and i do and i leave messages and no return calls. Thats the beauty of No contact. You get the urge to call him when he doesn't acknowledge you. So if you were not to call him, I'm sure he'd feel the same way. Now if you broke up with him, then i don't understand him not calling you. But if he broke up with you, then get the hint that ho doesn't want to be with you anymore. Try NC. If you stop calling him and he still doesn't return your call then you know its not meant to be.
alphamale Posted December 20, 2004 Posted December 20, 2004 can someone explain to me exactly why people are obsessed with NO CONTACT on this board? I mean, there are multiple posts every day regarding NC. What is the deal and what is so hard to understand about it??
lexnmike4enomore Posted December 20, 2004 Posted December 20, 2004 Originally posted by alphamale can someone explain to me exactly why people are obsessed with NO CONTACT on this board? I mean, there are multiple posts every day regarding NC. What is the deal and what is so hard to understand about it?? Good point
moon Posted December 21, 2004 Posted December 21, 2004 Seriously, I never knew how important it was not having contact with an ex after a break up. I never really though about it in any other relationship. I had one other bad break up when I and he continued to contact each other, but we couldn't get the relationship back on track and we were living close to each other and had to see each other from time to time. In my most current break up (we had already broken up a few times before and gotten back together) I wanted nothing more than to keep calling him and telling him how much he hurt me. He started dating someone a week after we broke up and she lives next door to him and was interested in him, so they might have started as much as a month before (but I don't know at all and he denied it totally). Anyway, I wanted to call like a mad woman. Well, first I left the area we were living in and cooled off, but after that I wanted to do something. I wanted to feel better. Then I caught on to some of these websites that say you should have No Contact or N/C. I was totally shocked a phrase had been coined for the rules for moving on and eventually feeling better after a relationship ends. It's not just this website, but others too. So N/C became more like a philosophy for me. If I decided never to call or write then no time was a good time. So those have just been words to live by for me. It is sort of like quitting smoking and making a rule that you can't even have one cig, you must totally quit. It's a cold turkey method. But if your ex is not returning your calls and making you feel bad for staying in contact it really seems you have no choice. I guess I could have stayed in the same town as my ex and I could have waited it out. Or tried to contact him more, but I just needed some space. Once I got the space I realized I should just forget about it. It is a long process. It's been like 9 weeks for me of no contact and during the days I am fine. The mornings are okay now too. The nights are still hard though. I sometimes have trouble falling asleep. But no contact has spared me looking like a total idiot in all this. It's given me distance. My ex hasn't contacted me either but I knew the guy for four years, so I knew him pretty well. Good luck.
XNemesisX Posted December 21, 2004 Posted December 21, 2004 No contact can be used as a way to heal and move on or it can be used as a tool of manipulation. A mind game to make the other person think that you don't give a crap about them anymore. Often times, this will make the person want to call you more. I think there is a problem with no contact when the person takes it a little too seriously or lets pride take over too much. For example, my ex used NC on me last May (and well I guess even he is doing NC right now during this break up as I have been the one to call him and he won't return my calls) It can start out as a way to get the other person to feel sorry or reap what they sew but it can also be a really awful way to do someone after so long. After a while it may also backfire. If one takes NC too seriously and the other person tries to call but is never responded to it may make the person who is having NC used against them just give up. Then it defeats the whole purpose of that other person using NC as a way to get the person back. (if that is what they were trying to do). I guess NC rules just have to be customized to your own situation. But if you really want to get back with the person eventually or would want to consider it....doing too much NC and not responding to calls could end up blowing up in your face. Pride, in my opinion, is probably the number 1 reason why relationships aren't reconciled. And that is too bad. For there to be a reconciliation SOMEONE has to give up some pride.
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