Trying to understand why people do what they do

[Weird]

flexi lexi, you're still alive! Good to know but sucks about school kicking your ass:(

 

Yeah I'm with you. Nothing like people who don't communicate thier issues and then just end things and I guess shrug at their lack of commincation skills and say "oh well." It is like people are afraid to be honest and afraid to tell people stuff on their mind and think holding it in until they have had enough is healthy. Makes no sense and I think comes back to people being lazy and also immature.

 

My ex had some minor issues with things I didnt do but do you think she mentioned them? No. I was supposed to read her mind and see past her appearance of wonderful happiness. The funny thing is the things she had issues with were so minor and easily coudl ahve been corrected had she just told me. Oh well...that is an issue of her personality (she even admitted ot it recently) so not my problem and some other poor sucker will experience it I'm sure.

 

I dont like it when people expect me to read their minds because I am too old for that crap. Just grow a pair and speak what is on your mind!

[head/heels]

post i am now thinking my ex is doing the same thing....cant wait til she realizes what a dumbass she is..and she will ....but that is how it goes....the guy is a loser and doesnt deserve her, but oh well

 

Congrats to :

 

DRJ!!!!!!!

 

BASteve!!!!!!!

 

way to go guys, well about the kiss and the new uni!

 

steve, your ex sucks balls and she doesnt deserve you!....

 

 

Lexi!!! how are you doin..we have been wondering about you...how is your mind doing these days>?? holidays making it tough?

 

 

well anyway, i have to get back to work....bah humbug!

 

post later all

[Weird]

derek,

 

dude, you need to clean out your PM box:)

[LucreziaBorgia]

Originally posted by Weird

so pretty much you broke up with a good guy and a good relationship to rebel against those who were sure it was a good thing and also because you (probably) had thoughts that you could find something better/more exciting.

 

It wasn't an act of rebellion. It wasn't the excitement factor - it was no fault of his either. That's what made me feel so bad about it. He was a great guy and we had fun in our years together - but it wasn't enough to sustain a marriage. I did it because I didn't want to marry him. I sat down and thought of actually spending the rest of my life with him and I just couldn't see it. I went through a similar thing when I decided to quit teaching. I sat down at my desk one day after four years and thought "in 30 years I can retire". I laid my head down on my desk and cried at the thought of that. Then I realized: wait, I DO have choice. So I quit and moved on to the career I had always wanted. Same with that relationship. I realized that I did not want to spend the rest of my life with him. So I left. Everyone was convinced about how good it was, but when it came right down to it - how good would it have been if I didn't love him enough to want to be married to him? I'd have a lifetime of guilt and 'marriage counseling' to look forward to in order to try to force myself to feel something that I didn't for him - and to work for a marriage everyone wanted but me. No sense in that - when I could just leave and open up the possibility for both of us to have loving passionate marriages: with other people. My only regret - my only one was that I didn't just tell him. I could have saved a lot of trouble. At the time, I was 21 - a very different person than I am now at 34.

 

It is great to hear it all worked out for you and the guys involved...I like that.

I know, it really was best for all involved. He found a woman who loved him to pieces and wanted to give him the kind of love and life that he always dreamed of. The other guy found a strong woman who whipped him into shape and made him into a strong successful person. I found a guy who is everything I always dreamed of, but never thought existed. After all the heartache and pain settled - we all came out of it stronger people with more positive relationships. So, for everyone who was broken up with by the "perfect person" - keep in mind that the person breaking up with you probably did you a favor and cut you loose so that you can discover what true happiness and love can be like.

 

Is your husband more like the 1st guy or 2nd guy?

Ha! Neither. He is different than any person I've ever known. I'm a firm believer that you learn from your mistakes - and trust me, I learned a lot. Especially not to repeat them.

[djones]

Guys,

 

I need your help, I dont know what to make of this today, I got an e-mail from the ex just asking how am I doing hows the business, blah blah....I told her everything is fine just keeping busy, hows things in your life, I just said that to be nice etc....so she replies, things in my life are going ok but not well, then she says that she is not with her guy anymore.....I was kind of shocked and I just said sorry to hear that you have a good christmas and give me a call sometime.....Its weird that this is all happening when I getting so comfortable with this new girl I am seeing and we are just starting to really getting to know each other....My Ex did not say anything more than that, so I cant assume that she wants to get back with me...but just her telling me this has really got me confuesed on what to do....I was just starting to see this new girl in a different light and now this news has got to me....Guys any thoughts on this....I told my parents they say stick with the new girl, my ex still has to ask me (if thats what she wants), and they feel that she missed out and that she did not wsee the things in me that this new girl does....I dont know what to think, I know my ex and she is not like that but, maybe I was so caught up with everything but I dont know what to think right now...any ideas guys, I need all your imput right now

[Nick14]

Jonesy, I say stick with the new girl. Realistically, it takes your ex this long to email you, I mean come on. Its like, would you dump something new and trade it for something old and crummy. Now, if I was totally single, then you have a merit to think about it, but you are seeing someone and I would try that out first. Its like, "finders keepers, loser sweepers" The old one left you, the new one found you and now the old one wants to come back, TOO LATE! Be smart man, i can see if you were single but your seeing someone, dont' let that slip either.

[Sukotto]

I got the same choice as you last week and i tried to keep both girls and got neither! If i was given the same choice i'd have taken the new girl and devoted more time to her.

[djones]

Nick,

 

Thanks what you said makes total sence, man...I dont want to lose out on the new girl.....

 

Sukotto---I was just going to ask you that also you were just exactly in the same postion as me

[Nick14]

Originally posted by Sukotto

I got the same choice as you last week and i tried to keep both girls and got neither! If i was given the same choice i'd have taken the new girl and devoted more time to her.

 

 

hey man, you can still try that new girl out, just call her, i would seriously try that.

[worm]

Allright ya'll I need help.

 

I have never used one of these forums before, and I am a little ashamed to be using it now. Howerver, if it helps others, then hopefully it will help me.

 

I first met my ex almost two years ago. We met at a barbecue and it was love at first sight for me. However, I did not see her for another three months. Finally we saw each other again and the sparks flew. We started dating and it lasted for a year and a half. During this time I came to realize that she was the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. She too thought the same thing. We talked about marriage constantly, and even had our children's names picked out.

 

Both of us had bad relationships in the past. We had both been cheated on, and it was nice to finally have someone who loved me without the fear of it happening again.

 

Anyways, about three months ago ahe told me she was having doubts about "us". We broke up for a short while. After two weeks, we were in church and she sat with me. During the invitational prayer she put her arm around me. After the service she told me God spoke to her and let her know that I was the one. Well, we got back together. She told me during the two week break up she had gone off with her ex (the one that cheated on her). She said she knew that she wanted me at that point. After we got back together, he continued to call her. Eventually, I put a stop to it. I did not do anything bad, I just let him know that it was time to stop. As far as I knew he stopped.

 

My problem is, a month ago she told me again, that she was having doubts, and she needed time. Needless to say, she broke up with me again (as tears poured down her face). Next thing I know, I see her with him (the ex). She claims they are just "hanging out", whatever that means. She refuses to do anything with me, and what few times I have spoken with her on the phone, she makes me feel like the bad guy. I treated that girl better than anyone in her life. She has told me that, her friends have, and her family. I truley believe that she is the one I am supposed to be with. I try and get her out of my head and heart but it is useless. I love her too much. I know that I have done everything I can for her, and I want nothing more than to give her everything for the rest of her life. She knows how I feel about her, I just do not understand how she feels about me. I don't know how she can be acting like this, when only three days before she broke up with me, we were again discussing marriage. How do I take all of these mixed feelings. I can't for the life of me get mad at her (eventhough I want to). What do I do ya'll? If any ladies read this, please give me some insight with what she is feeling. Any help would be nice.

[Sukotto]

Oh i neglected the new girl Heather and I since heard through the grapevine that I was a great guy just not her type. I'm sure if I'd just devoted some more time to her rather than holding on to the thread of hope that the ex really was wanting to give the relationship another go.

 

Dr Jones, ignore the ex completely and enjoy the company of this new girl. You still probably haven't even scratched the surface with her and you'll have months of enjoyment getting to know this person. Yes temptation might lead you to the ex, but go look at the threads from a few months back. Go read them and think about what your ex has done to you and then ask the question of would you get back with her?

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by Weird

MJ, Heels, Sukotto, Steve, Atlous, Doc Jones, etc

 

Hey guys, here is the new thread.

 

So lets figure out why people do what they do, meaning why do people give up good relationships for no logical reasons. Couristy perhaps? That is my guess.

 

Thoughts guys

 

Does school count? My g/f is going to leave and she has to decide: School or Me.

 

She'll probably pick school because it's a lifelong dream of hers and I don't want to stand in her way. But either way, she loses. Give up the love of your life for school or give up your dream career for the love of your life.

 

That's a no win IMHO.

[LucreziaBorgia]

If any ladies read this, please give me some insight with what she is feeling. Any help would be nice.

 

It sounds like she wanted to love you, tried to love you, was aware that she should love you, but in the end just wasn't able to love you the way that you wanted her to. After all you have done for her, I'm quite sure she doesn't want to look a perfectly good, loving and blameless person in the face and say "I just don't love you the way you love me."

 

So, she says things like "I need some time/space", or "I'm confused". She tries to justify what she is doing by trying to somehow make it your fault.

 

Guilt will make you do some strange things - and I expect her cold behavior and anger toward you are guilt at just simply not loving someone who was so good to her.

 

All you can do is tell her that you can't handle her doing this to you and initiate a no contact.

[head/heels]

stay with the new girl....she has a bunch of good things going for her that your ex doesnt...

 

she hasnt lost her belief in you

she hasnt lost her belief in your relationship

she didnt leave you and end up dating another guy

she hasnt said she wants you back

it would never be the same

she might say she wants you back until another guy comes along and then she is out and you and the new girl is out of your life

the new girl might be the one

she may love you and realize you aint getting away from her because you are so special...your ex did..what does that say about how mcuh she didnt want to lose you....

she was still hanging out with you when she was seeing another guy...not coool

and many many more but especially this one....the new girl stood by you during the hardest point in your life....and who left you and made it the hardest point in your life?

 

 

out with the old and in with the new..

 

and continue to play it cool with the ex....

 

ie

 

i am sorry to hear that....

hope you get to feeliing better

keep conversations quick

and end them first

and definitely dont show an new interest..

at least this way you get her to either move on.....or fight for you because she knows she lost you...

then you have the above decision to make...but until she wants you back.....INDIFFERENCE and continue to have fun with your new girl .....dont you just love the kisses again!

 

 

d

[mj108]

Hi everyone--sorry this is going to be long. Been a long time. ha

 

Head/Heels---thanks for letting me know where everyone was...thanks for being here for me.

 

First of all I want to thank everyone that has been here for me! I appreciate it deeply.

 

Weird--my little bro---You are right...some women think if a guy talks to them-they want to hump them. Maybe 90% of the gals out there think that. I do not think that---I guess because most of my friends are guys;however, I often wonder if "I'm going to be lonely for the rest of my life & just be a girl that is a buddy (since I have more guy friends) & be a girl that doesn't have a guy of her own.

Also, about opening up: I opened up to my ex & I was completely devoted & honest. Maybe that scared him away...I don't know. I just know that he's with a psycho wacko now that doesn't tell him the truth & doesn't communicate & doesn't show him love. Oh well, I agree with Beejsea2---"What comes around, goes around."

PS--Glad you started the new thread. Thanks little bro.

 

 

LucreziaBorgia---Wow...someone my age...34. ha Thanks for sharing your story. It gives me hope. Keep on posting...you've been a help.

 

bigacesteve---Yeah--it gutted me when they closed the thread down, especially when I was going through a crisis. My friend was a great guy...just like yours was. It does make you think about a lot of things, doesn't it?

Wish you would post your pic of you in the uniform. lol 2005 is going to be the greatest year for all of us here. I can feel it.

 

Beejsea2---My ex always told me I was too good for him. I'm sorry he left you but I do think you are doing the right thing by carrying on. That's all you can do. I do believe the saying "What comes around, goes around." I have forgave him & I will forget him but I do believe that the pain he caused me, he will feel one day. Maybe he's feeling it now by being with a psycho wacko that doesn't give a damn about him or maybe he will feel the pain when he knocks on my front door & wants me back & I will be gone. Hmm...no matter what...it will come around & go around & bite him on the arse.

As far as my experience---answering your question....I know through bad experiences it can change a person. I'm trying not to let it change me. I try not to let my heart turn into stone because I may meet a great guy one day out there. I mean, would I want to hurt a great/good guy out there because of my bad experiences? No---I wouldn't. I catch myself at times acting cold toward guys...that's when I have to get a grip & tell myself that not all guys are bad. I guess, these guys on the loveshack thread have shown me that there are good guys out there. Also, they keep me in line. ha lol

 

YX32Nemesis---Like your 2 reasons.

 

Worm---How old are you & your ex?

 

Drjones---You know my ex tried to contact me when he heard about Matt! Stick with the new girl. From what you've told me she's a nice girl. That's what you deserve. You're ex is checking up on you & who's to say her ex is gone? I mean, My ex told me that he was leaving psycho wacko (that was a week couple days ago). He told me that to give me some 'hope' because he doesn't want to lose a good woman. He is trying to string me a long because he wants psycho & he wants a good girl to catch him when he falls. Same with your ex. I fully believe she is doing this. Just being honest. I think you shouldn't turn your back on new chick because she deserves a good guy like you----you're ex doesn't in my opinion. From what you tell me about new chick...she is a great person....don't let it go or you may regret it.

RING ON THE YEAR WITH NEW GIRL---START NEW IN 2005! Get more kisses when the countdown begins!

As for me...I'll go with my motto---for 2005---2005 we will survive & to add---

Out with the ex & on to the next!

PS---drjones---Congrats on the kiss.

 

Everone take care!

Your loveshack bud,

MJ

[Lin]

I basically think you really need to get over yourself not every woman thinks that. I mean honestly maybe you shouldnt think every woman wants you and get on with your life. Let the past be the past.....

[Weird]

Doc,

 

dude, me thinks your ex wants ya back...hahahaha. Think about it...she doesnt give you the time of day for a while and all of a sudden she breaks up and is contacting your ass? I bet in her mind she thinks this:

 

"I bet if I contact him he will show interest and ask me if I want to work things out. This will be good"

 

So not only does she want back to something she KNOWS was good for her, she probably is expecting YOU to make the move for it to happen ratehr than her to outright ask you if there is a possibility for reconciliation/2nd chance. It comes back to humans being PUSSIES.

 

Like others have said, stick with the new girl. It'd be harsh to dump someone who is into you to be with someone who jerked you around for her own selfishness...unless of course you are 100% sure you want to be with your ex. If your heart/mind truly says the ex is the right one then go back to her but from all the posts you have made in the last few weeks it sounds like you are into this new girl and she is the way to go for you.

 

Best of luck bro and I just want you to be happy.

[Weird]

Originally posted by Lin

I basically think you really need to get over yourself not every woman thinks that. I mean honestly maybe you shouldnt think every woman wants you and get on with your life. Let the past be the past.....

 

Who is this directed at? Me? If so, what drugs were you smoking to come up with that reply since NOTHING I said would point to any of that.

 

 

 

 

Worm,

 

Dude, just let her be. She's sounds too weird to try and understand. Sounds like she still has feelings for her ex and while she may want to be with you, she can't shake that guy so she is going to pursue it. Give her tiem to get dumped and watch her suddenly want to be with you again.

 

 

 

MJ,

 

hey sis.

 

yeah 2005 will be the year...it should be a good year for me but not because of any relationship junk...just other stuff that I have (or will be getting) which i wont list here because I'll prolly be deemed too materialistic or some crap if I mention it all.

[worm]

Worm---How old are you & your ex?Originally posted by mj108

 

I am 28 and she is 23

[head/heels]

WHERE TO BEGIN

 

Dr J------dont contact your ex whichever way you decide....it will be bad if you do on both sides

 

i.e. you wont get either girl! New girl will find out and leave you and ex will know she has you wrapped around her finger and then leave you

 

so NC with her and if she wants it bad enouh she willall call call and show up and eg for you to hear her out...especially with how she treated you at the end..she better have to climb the hghtest mountain in the area for you to take her back.....

 

if she doesnt call then you wont lose anyskin off of your back

 

 

MJ- welcome back!

 

ALSO

 

new guy, dont let your ex hurt you anymore,,,dont contact and drop of the earth...Weird and Lucretia are both right.

 

let her go

for now

 

 

she has to get cheated on by her ex again

 

she should know better at 33

[bigacesteve]

Quite pissed right now (drunk).

 

I had enough the other day. I told you all about how my ex wanted to see me last Sunday and then cancelled so she colud go to work.

 

I saw my very best friend Steve yesterday; I was his best man at his wedding. I sat down and told him everything about what had gone on all year. I tried to not miss anything. He told me that she has no respect for me and he is absolutely baffled how someone can treat me that way. I told him that I was tired of how she treated me and that I'd written a text message explaining just how *****ed off I was with her attitude.

 

I have looked at the text message that I wrote all day today. I was at rock bottom. I read it and added to it. I kept thinking if I send this then she'll know my feelings and it will be totally over. I tried ringing her and got answerphone again.

 

Since I've been split from my ex I've become a better person, got on with my brother and family, made more friends and basically become a better man. Tonight I read the message I saved on my phone when I felt really down and it was the truth. I sent the message to her. I feel so much better. Since her message over a week ago I've not been the same confident, happy person. My mind has been wandering and I've been getting really upset. I've not slept properly for 2 weeks because I've been hoping to see her; she has gaven me false hope. It is unfair that she gave me this false hope and I stress to you all like I stressed to drjones privately; if you have the opportunity to move on, even if slightly... do that. The ex does NOT give a s*** if you are happy. All they want is for you to be there when they need you.

 

I sent the text message and I know that I am way to good for her.

 

Head/Heels,

Thank you for your kind words about my ex not being worthy. I think I'm starting to understand that now. All the achievements I've done in my life mean jack s*** to her. But they mean everything to me and everyone else that still talk about my accomplishments. The ex... ex's were just jealous of everything I have done. They've all said that they wished done and seen all the things I have.

 

Mj.

I miss my friend a great deal. He passed away in such an unimaginable situation it was hard to soak up. You have to use this as a positive though. When I'm competing in anything I do it for his memory and it makes me work just that little bit harder. When I lift weights or spar, when I'm tired I imagine him pushing me like he used to. Saying "you can do more than that, you're bigger than me" It's a great boost. Horrid situation but you take some good from it.

 

Sukotto,

Ring Heather!!! Still early days mate. I think that if you show a little more of yourself and don't show anything of the ex, I reckon she'll bite. Don't hold back now.

 

 

Ok my friends I am really drunk and I need to go bed, got work tomorrow 7:30am.

 

Weird, good man starting up this thread; you're the man.

 

Good night everyone and

 

Worm,

These forums are the place to meet the best people you will ever know. Don't be embarrassed about being on here. Trust me no one gives a s*** who or what you are, they just want to help YOU. You're going through the same b0ll0cks as us, say your piece and help others.

 

BigAceSteve

[bigacesteve]

Ouch my head hurts. I'm never drinking beer again; is it Xmas Eve tomorrow? Oh s***.

 

I've just read my message from last night and I think you can just about understand it?

 

2 weeks ago I texted the ex saying that I still missed her and that I just wished we could talk. I didn't think I'd get a reply but I did. She was really pleasent and said she'd like to see me that Sunday. So I waited all week, feeling really nervous and not sleeping properly. Sunday came and she sent me a naff text message saying she was really sorry but she was going to do another shift because she needed the money. I tried to ring her and I have been ignored every time and she has not replied to any of my text messages asking if everything is ok. Over the last 2 weeks I've gone from being moderately happy to feeling like utter wank.

 

Tuesday morning I woke up and thought enoughs enough; I'm living on false hope here and all the healing I did before is going to waste. I wrote out a text message telling her that I couldn't do this anymore, it's too painful for me. I said that I really wanted to see her and talk with her but I don't believe she has any intention of doing so. I said that her cancelling on Sunday to go to work was an insult. I put that she gives me false hope and then does not reply to any of my phone calls or text messages, which is just plain rude. I don't get the tiniest bit of respect from her and I really don't deserve this treatment. I put that I still love her and it's something I can't help and her ignoring me has not made any difference to that. I said that last Xmas was so different between us and it absolutely guts me now that after being apart for 3 months we still can't sit down somewhere and talk to each other. I put that I wish her and her family a great Xmas and a happy New Year and that I made a mistake in contacting her again and I'm sorry I did.

 

I kept modifying the message slightly on Wednesday until in the evening I started feeling down again and my mind was thinking 'what if I do this or that?' I thought I've got to stop this so I sent the message and I have felt so much better since. Got no reply as usual but I don't want one. I may as well be dead to her.

 

Honestly people... keep away from the ex; if she doesn't show even a basic respect towards you, leave it be. Because they will put your mind in bits and the next thing you know you're a gibbering wreck again. Give the new people in your lives a chance. I met some fantastic women last night so I know it's coming soon. I was chatting to an absolute stunner last night; she approached me and told me that she recognised me from working at Michelin years ago. I remember her because every bloke at work fancied her. She was incredibly flirtatious with me and what a rack! Really difficult maintaining eye contact... 'must look at eyes, must look at... oh lord!' She was dropping hints and kept touching me but I'm still not ready for this yet and my new career is more important to me. My confidence is back and I feel the good side of me coming being released again.

 

I will not contact my ex again and if I see her around I've got nothing to say to her and I'll walk away. I've tried a ridiculous amount to make the peace between us and it's fallen on deaf ears and only hurts me. I've made my decision now and I'm sticking with it. When I'm down I'll come on here and I'm sure you top people will help me like you always have done.

 

Anyway it's Xmas Eve tomorrow and I'm out with everyone I know more or less. Loads of people about tomorrow and I'm back into the Xmas spirit again. Family and friends is what Xmas is about and not thinking about ex's who don't give a rats ass about us.

 

Merry Xmas all, I'm going to get another coffee. Oh god, got 5-a-side football in an hour and I'm still a little pickled.

[bigacesteve]

yea, got a picture of me fizzer on LS.

 

I'd put a picture of me in uniform but they won't let me take it home.

[djones]

Hey Guys,

 

I am back today, I had to goto to a business trip to Montreal yesterday and I just read all your posts about my delemia just now. Thanks guys for all your advice....It seems that most if not all you guys are saying the same thing, just stick with the new girl. I was thinking that yeah she (the ex) did not say she wanted to get back with me and like HandH said that maybe she is trying for me to ask her back so that she can save her pride ....Well I think you all are right, she will have to prove that to me and climb the highest mountains in my area to show me that. I am going to just stick with the new girl, nothing really has changed with my ex other than she is single she knows how I feel about her and SHE NOW has to prove that to me, and I dont know if she ever will, but thats her problem not mine she knows where I am....I like this new girl and she has been treating me real good and I like her....so am going to stick with the new girl....my ex is stubborn and lets just say that if she is thinking that I will ask her out now, she is mistaken, I did not do anything wrong in this relationship and she has to prove that to me that she loves me...I did enough asking her to come back the ball is in court, but I dont think that she will do anything.....take care

[djones]

Hey Guys,

 

Continuation from my last post....I am going to just keep going out with the new girl...you are all right this new girl has been treating me right and everything is going welll so why throw that all away....

 

Bigacesteve--Thats good you sent your ex that text message, you spoke your mind thats awesome...you are right I think staying away from our exes is a good thing to do....

 

MJ-- good to hear form you after all that your have gone through with the pssing of your friend....our exes seem to call or contact us when are are tring to move on...how are things going with you and matt?

 

HandH--man thanks for your last few posts, what you said make lots of sence, why throw away a good girl when all she wants to be with me...your list of godd things about the new girl realy did hit home....

 

Worm, lin, and LucreziaBorgia----welcome to the group!! I will have to read your posts and get know you guys.....

 

Sukotto---man you know Bigsteve is right ring the new girl and just try to make things work out with the new girl...just b/c you heard it from the grape vine that she not your type...you need to know that from her, not though a grape vine...remember not all grapes are sweet,, meaning that you dont know if the rumours are true

 

Weird---hows the new car handing in the snow...we just got dumped on with freezing rain and tonnes of snow!!! I hate the winter

 

Worm-- I read your posts I think your ex is just feeling big time confused....I think she sees that she has a good thing with you and that she is afraid to conitune with you....she goes back to her ex b/c I think b/c she was hurt in the past by him and she is able to deal with that rejection, b/c she knows that will happen from him but she feels afriad of that she may be rejected by you a very good guy to her and she would not know how to deal with it....the ex she knows in her heart that he is not good for her, but she goes back b/c she knows that she can take his hurt......I dont know if you get where I am going with this I cant think to clearly I am drugged up with some cold meds that is making me drowsy ....the idea that I am going with this is some people cant deal with happyiness and they are afriad that its too good to be true.....so they screww up a good thing....I would do NC with her, let her sort out her life and feelings for you...