Heartbroken newbie.

[Sparky9]

Well, here is my story....

 

My gf...well now ex gf just decided to move in with her mom. Fact of the matter is, I was unfaithful. At the beginning of our relationship ...things were very forced by me. I knew at the time I wouldn't be in it for the long haul. I should have heeded my own warning. She was a smoker, and a partier...I was not. But I continued on then she got pregnant. I was there for good now.

Fast forward 2 1/2 years..so many little things had me wanting to split with her...but now we had a little girl together, so I myrtles through it. I started letting a close female friend even closer...she became my go to person to talk about problems...of any kind. My gf was talking about having another baby..she was somewhat clueless as to how I was actually feeling...save for the snappy outbursts I may have at times. I was on the verge of breaking it off ..had said something to my boys from a previous relationship. She hit me with the fact that she was pregnant again. By this time, I had started a physical relationship with the close female friend...had been going on for a few months. I imagine this is why I wouldn't give my gf the attention that she was longing for. When she told me she was prego, I was irate, and let her know exactly how I felt. I never did split with her and continued both relationships.

 

In the beginning of March, the close friend and I decided to stop our physical affair...by this time neither of is was going to do anything about the relationships we were in... She was married with 2 kids. We still stayed in contact..flirted as we always had...but the physical part of the relationship was over.

A little over three months ago, my gf started digging through my phone while I was sleeping...I thought I had gotten rid of pics that I had saved..but erased...I erased the folder I had put everything into...however, over the year and a half, and many many pics saved....about half a dozen got put into another folder without me knowing. She found them...and the ball started rolling.

 

Honestly, by this time, I have really started to enjoy being with my gf...she is 10 years younger than me...I'm 35. She was so immature before , that it drove me crazy!! But being with her, and watching her develop and mature...I really realized how much I loved her...this was why I decided to stop with the close friend.

 

My gf freaked out...I couch hopped on some buddies furniture for a few weeks...the her and I talked. We decided to work on it, she wanted it to work and so did I! I was elated. We started going to counseling on a weekly/semi weekly basis. We were completely committed to each other...I was willing to do anything to make this work, for her and I , as well as the kids. Things went great...then I found out she had been starting to talk with a male co worker on a regular basis. I told her if she was going to give us 100%..she needed to curb her contact with him. She said there was no attraction to him...I told her..if you continue doing this...let's see where you are with this in 6 months.

 

On to last Monday...the day was great...bit evening quickly turned sour..we were spending some quality alone time together when she called my name and said she was having a really hard time letting go. I assured her that we'd work on it and everything would work itself out...that there were going to be many rough patches along the way, but I'd be supportive through it all. She started to harp on my about my infidelity with my "whore". I started to get defensive and blurted to her...just get it off your chest..let it all out..tell me everything you are feeling. She just said," there isn't anything more to say."

 

Come 2 am, we woke up to feed our now 7 month old son. I got up and made him a bottle..she fed him. I realized she wouldn't have eye contact with me. So I asked her how she was feeling. She told me she can't let it go...I told her that she could if she stays strong...it's going to take time and commitment, but we'd get through it. She said no..I just can't do it anymore...said she should have to do it...she was so right, and I knew it. She explained to me that she wasn't happy, and with all the bad memories having an overwhelming presence...she would never be happy with me. She told me she was over it.

 

Woke back up in the morning, where we continued our normal routine. Coffee..get kids ready...get ready for work. I put my arms around her...she reciprocated... Kissed her goodbye for the day..which was my last kiss. I asked her if she wanted to meet for lunch about 20 minutes before noon on Tuesday. Got a text back saying...I'm just gonna stay at work. She is never that straight forward, I knew something was up. I decided to stop by her favorite spot to eat , where I found her eating with the guy she had been talking with at work. I calmly walked inside and she looked up and saw me. Gave me the oddest grin and stood up. We went outside and talked...she told me she was done ...there was too much hurt. Told me that her dad was clearing the extra room, and she was moving in with them. I was devastated!

 

I ended up having the kids over night last night... Her mom live 2 houses away from us , so we are very close proximity. I noticed she wasn't at home.throught the night...she got to stay the first night at the guys house she worked with. 5 days after we split...she has already moved on.

 

I know it my own fault..I'm sure I'm going to get bashed, and have some tell me I deserve everything I get plus more. But I had honestly decided...before she found out that I was unfaithful, that she was the one I wanted to marry and live my days and nights with. I ultimately hope to get her back in the future. Only time will tell. I know it's time to move on with my own life. Become stable myself...hopefully things will work out in the long run.

 

Thanks for the read...sorry about the book. Helps to let it out and get it off my chest. Frank

[barky2]

Hey franky,

 

Honestly from someone who's been in your shoes I'll give you my 2cents.

 

She either will get over it or she won't.

 

She very well might get retribution.

 

Be prepared.

 

I went thru a roller coaster ride trying to get mine back after what I did.

 

It's time to really take a step back and let her do some healing, shell prob start seeing or banging someone else, she feels rejected and disgusting so more than likely unfortunately she'll turn to another guy to get her moral up, that's just life.

 

So man to man?

 

Let her go do her thing, I've been thru it.

 

But also do yours as well.

 

Give her as much space and possible.

 

I'm sure you'll get bashed, lol so have thick skin

 

 

Barky

[Sparky9]

I know that what you are saying is completely true. I am letting her go..I don't want to, but know I need to. I'm going to live my life and let her live hers. I really want to get back together, but know that she needs to heal.

 

Her banging someone else really hurts. But also know I don't have a leg to stand on.. At least she cut ties completely before she started.

[barky2]

Hindsight 20/20 bro

 

It's just the way it works, it sucks ,it hurts , but better to disconnect now, and let her do it, instead of you chasing her, her stringing you along while she does it.

 

Just do not be nieve.

 

Us guy, we realize stuff always too late.

 

Keep ur chin up, ur human and messed up.

 

You could have very well lost her for good, but that's something you knew going into cheating.

 

Think of it that she's not coming back so you need to get over it and move on, healthiest thing you can do right now

 

Good luck op

 

 

 

Barky

[Sparky9]

Not sure what I should do about no

Contact. I found out a couple days ago that she made an appointment with our counselor on Tuesday...to tell him she was over everything, and what steps to take. I guess the counselor told her to cut all ties, no contact, until she can lose the emotional attachment. We were mediating everything through her parents...yesterday she texted me a few times about the kids. Not sure if I should continue no contact, and continue mediation through her parents..or if she is looking for the return texts?? Texts were all about kids, and nothing more.

 

I want her to have the time she needs to heal the right way...I do want her back...more than anything..but I want it on the right terms. It may happen, but probably won't... I'll live my life, and hope a year down the road we can re-kindle the love we once had

 

In the long run, how did it work for you barky?

[barky2]

Can't do no contact with kids involved.

 

Keep it strictly cordial and business like for now, no feelings regret anything should be shared right now.

 

Kids come first, relationship second.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

[Fufu]

I personally feel that she has difficulty trusting you after knowing what you did in the past.

 

I think she doesn't feel the sense of security and maybe afraid the same thing will happen again.

 

All I can say is respect her decision that she wants to leave now. And for yourself start moving on. Don't pause your life when someone wants to get out of your life.

[barky2]

How'd it work in the long run?

 

Lol.

 

I went thru more heartbreak and pain then I'm sure most have ever been thru.

 

I chased begged pleaded you name it.

 

For almost a year I was broken dude.

 

I finally had to man up to what happened, let go moved on.

 

Eventually I got her back, after me giving up, getting me back,nc, and owning up to what I did.

 

We were broken before I left, way beyond fixing us, I just moved on faster, then later regretting not giving my all to work on us.

 

So it did work out, but don't hold out hope because it did for me.

 

First step is to own it.

 

 

 

Barky

[Sparky9]

I'm glad it worked out for you!! I will hold hope, not because it worked for you, but because I want it to work for us. I guess the thing that really kills me, is two years ago I wanted to split. But over the last year or so, I truly fell in love with her...that is the reason I broke off the other relationship. At this point, I wish I never had that affair...but I also look back and can see why I did it.

 

My gf turned into my best friend, my companion, the ONLY one I wanted to be with. But it's too late for that now.

[Sparky9]

Here it is...2 am...can't sleep. Have my kids laying next to me. But I know she is with her replacement for me

[Canadiangirl78]

Hi sparky. I was thinking about you and wanted to check in and see how you were. Then I read your post from 2am. I'm sorry, I had a rough night too. All I could do was stare at my little one and cry. This is horrible, I know. Hope you have a better day..

[Chi townD]

Well, you played with fire and you got burned. No one to blame but yourself.

 

Now, what's done is done. I strongly suggest that you find a new place to live. You sitting up at 2AM and knowing that she's out screwing some guy because you can see her car isn't there two houses down is going to drive you insane. She's not rubbing your face in it, but you can't get more obvious to about what's going on.

 

Whoever she counseling her is telling her all the right things. She's staying NC and only communicating to you issues about the kids. Which is the correct thing to do.

 

She's gone dude. Time to move on and be the best Dad you can be to those kids. If you move, don't tell her until you're settled into your new place. It's not her business anymore.

[Sparky9]

Hi sparky. I was thinking about you and wanted to check in and see how you were. Then I read your post from 2am. I'm sorry, I had a rough night too. All I could do was stare at my little one and cry. This is horrible, I know. Hope you have a better day..

 

 

 

Thank you so much for the kind words. I know what I have done...and how it has ruined my family. I hate that she is with him, but am also glad he is making it much easier for her to let go.

 

I know I just need to move on and live my life, and will do so. I'll slowly quit obsessing and be able to let go myself. I just want her back so bad! I realize, though, that it has NOTHING to do with what I want....

 

My little daughter, who is 3 on dec 22, is having a really rough time. She seemed very angry about everything...I asked her what was making her angry and she just said,"I want mommy an daddy happy". That was a heartbreaker. The only thing I could say to her was...you make daddy very happy!

[Sparky9]

Thinking about sending this to her......what do you think?

 

 

I think we should moderate all conversations through your mom, or Babysitter if they are willing to do so. Every time I see a text from you, it rips my guts out. I think I need complete separation for some time, until I can lose the emotional attachment.

[barky2]

No, sounds weak and doesn't sound like a man.

 

Leave it be for now.

 

Trust me.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[Sparky9]

Just had my first face to face with her since our split. Had an appointment for our son and saw here there.

 

Told her my long term goal that in the future, we'd get back together after healing. She told me that it's a waste of time. I banged my whore while my ex was pregnant with our son. She'll never forgive me ...don't bother. Now that she looks back, the relationship wasn't good enough to want to return to...too much hurt, and I was a lying pig for a year and a half....

 

Well, I can definitely see where she stands.