butterfly4me Posted December 20, 2004 Posted December 20, 2004 Hi everyone. It's been a month now since my ex of two years dumped me. There has been no contact on either end. I am just so sad. To think that I loved this person with all of my heart and soul and he obviously didn't feel the same. I just can't understand how someone that talked to you constantly on the phone, lived with you, did everything with you can all of a sudden walk away and not turn back, not once. It's so odd. How are you all coping with that? I just find it strange that they are permanently gone from our lives. Everything has to be readjusted==from the way you sleep, to the way you eat==not that I've been eating much... I wonder if they think of us? I wonder how we could have been so insignificant? Does anyone have any perspective on this? Thanks
bebop Posted December 20, 2004 Posted December 20, 2004 Well, if you spend a lonely confused night or two on these boards wandering around you'll see how people do it. Reading a person's thread start to finish helps. You're in good company.
tgrace Posted December 20, 2004 Posted December 20, 2004 I don't understand how they do it either. Mine broke up with me on Nov 15th after 15 months where we had talked about the future, growing old together, etc. Then, all of a sudden, I was told that after he really sat and thought about it, he realized he had just 'wanted' to be in love, and realized he wasn't in love with me. But, I've noticed that all guys break up differently. I'm sorry you've had no contact with him. I have the opposite where he'd still like to be friends. The problem with that is, when we then interact it feels like nothing ever changed, and then I have to pinch myself and remind me that we're not a couple anymore. Now I have him staying in my home town for two weeks and dating someone new but still wants to call and shoot the breeze when he has free time. I don't think breakups are easy, regardless of how they progress. If it helps, I started eating again about 3 weeks ago. But, I think I lost about 10 pounds on the 'my boyfriend dumped me' diet. Tracy
Author butterfly4me Posted December 20, 2004 Author Posted December 20, 2004 Well, I am sure it would have to be tough with my ex wanting to be friends, but, in my heart, at least then I could hope that I could melt his heart again and get back together. The fact that my ex just stone cold has stopped contact with me is so odd, b/c he always called me many, many times during the day if we were away from each other. Maybe my ex has found someone else? Who knows, I just can't figure it out, but, it hurts so terribly
tgrace Posted December 20, 2004 Posted December 20, 2004 yes, I think we could deal with things easier if they were just honest about what is going on. If they don't want to be with us, fine, but don't run off and leave us to speculate about multitudes of things. I wish more men could just be adults.
Isabella82 Posted December 20, 2004 Posted December 20, 2004 Butterfly4me, Your story sounds identical to mine. We never talked, he never called me. It is hard, I know I can not be friends with him right now, but by him never calling me etc... I feel like I was so easily forgotten and I never meant anything to him. I know exactly how you feel, the nights are the worst! I usually still cry mself to sleep because he isn't there. It is so hard.
reasontosigh Posted December 20, 2004 Posted December 20, 2004 Originally posted by butterfly4me .....The fact that my ex just stone cold has stopped contact with me is so odd, b/c he always called me many, many times during the day if we were away from each other. Maybe my ex has found someone else? Who knows, I just can't figure it out, but, it hurts so terribly Unfortunately, more often than not, when somebody simply drops out like that it's because there is someone else. Since you had been together 2 years it's not like a simple change of mind/heart, as in "Gee, I just don't think this is going to work". All I can say is as much as you may want to hope for the best, be prepared for the worst.
SadFellow2004 Posted December 20, 2004 Posted December 20, 2004 Same deal with me, except i'm a guy and she left me for a marine that is using her for booty calls and will dump her in a heartbeat when he gets tired of the same thing. Its funny how quick she was to be manipulated, and to flat out lie to someone and say you didnt break up with them to be with someone else, lol.
Author butterfly4me Posted December 20, 2004 Author Posted December 20, 2004 It really sucks that we are all going through this. I just tried to sleep for a while, but naturally it's not happening. The whole staring at the TV thing, not really processing anything that you're watching, and thinking over and over again in your mind, what could have possibly happened. I go back and read all of the old letters, and it's so sad b/c he said such beautiful things about his love for me, but, heh they were written in the spring, so obviously something changed between then and now. I mean, even if a drink a few beers and take a xanax, I am still thinking of him. So how could he possibly have no interest in speaking to me?
XNemesisX Posted December 20, 2004 Posted December 20, 2004 Unfortunately, I think you have an idea what happened. As Sigh said, most likely he has found someone else. She is correct, when people drop out of a relationships suddenly like that it is because there is someone else. And your right, it would be nice if more men were adults and could just owe up to it. They won't though because these type of men are cowards.
reasontosigh Posted December 20, 2004 Posted December 20, 2004 Originally posted by YX32Nemesis Unfortunately, I think you have an idea what happened. ... I concur. ....And your right, it would be nice if more men were adults and could just owe up to it. They won't though because these type of men are cowards. Exactly. And as much as you may want (and certainly deserve!) closure, he's not about to give it to you so don't hold your breath waiting. What you really need to be doing right now is looking out for Number One - and yeah, I mean you here!! Frankly, mixing booze and Xanax is not a good idea, to put it mildly. And, as you said yourself, it's not very productive since you're still thinking of him . As for you not eating much....check out the "Depression Diet" thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t53466/
sandra parker Posted December 20, 2004 Posted December 20, 2004 Hello, My relationship was one of five years. He too dissapeared after a fight and I had to track him down to find out we were broken up. It has been almost five months and after 5 weeks he started dating someone he has worked with. Come on...like this was not going on before. Anyway, you all can imagine what I have been going through. We have had contact in the past months. In the beginning we argued and there was a lot of mudsling. He is very close to my son and insists on attending all the sporting events and hangs out with my son once/twice a week. This was/is a hard one for me. He plans on stopping by on X-mas day and has a present for me----huh???!!! He minimizes his new relationship to me and my son saying it's not what we think and claims that she is fine with his contact with us. All I know is that I do great when I don't see him and fall apart when I do. He relates to me in numerous ways that it is over between us for good and yet he still wants to be part of MY family. I fought this for the longest time and finally accepted it because my boy really loves him and sees him as a father (He s 16). But it is so hard on me. I don't understand how she is ok with all this. She is younger (27) and has a two year old boy. It seems to me that that they should be who he should concentrate on, not us. He is 45 and I am 48. I am thinking about finding out when he is coming on X-mas day and leaving--what do you guys think? I would like to move on totally and as I said when I have not seen him or spoken to him for a period of time, I do just that. But when I see him.,,,it's all back. Some closure hey? I am beginning to think that there are no easy answers, no point in trying to figure anything out because ieveryone of our situations are so unique. I wish you all well and hopefully we will overcome all this soon and find the happines we deserve. Take Care, Sandra
bebop Posted December 20, 2004 Posted December 20, 2004 If it were I, I'd clear out and let my son and the guy visit when he shows up. But that's just me. You'll have to figure out what will work best for you.
sandra parker Posted December 20, 2004 Posted December 20, 2004 Thanks, I know that this is the best thing for me to do. This all sounds like a soap opera doesn't it? But it's my life and I guess that I can't change what he does, but I don't have to be part of it. I feel that he is getting his cake and eating it too. What do you guys think about this man who is in a new relationship and yet insists on being part of my life too? What about this girl? Maybe I am not open minded enough, but how could she be agreeable with this?? Your opinions and thoughts are always appreciated, thanks in advance, Sandra
bebop Posted December 20, 2004 Posted December 20, 2004 I have a grown son, so I'll try to just address that aspect of it. It really adds to the pain and difficulty when our kids are involved. If there's a way for this man and your son to continue their friendship, and if you can live with his being around for your son, continuing that would be a great thing. It's so important for boys to have some continuity in this area. They have a harder time, I think, with the comings and goings of relationships. They DO get attached, (if a guy is a good man), and then oftentimes they lose that friendship when the relationship ends. It's a shame. I don't know what you can live with, but if they could keep their relationship, super. Good luck.
sandra parker Posted December 20, 2004 Posted December 20, 2004 Thanks again, I am doing this because of the love I have for my son. It is soo hard on me though. But, I am trying to be the adult here and TRYING really hard to not be resentful that this man has it all now' someone new, and my son. I know that this may sound pety, but I am angry about it.
tgrace Posted December 21, 2004 Posted December 21, 2004 You have every right to be angry Sandra. Tracy
sandra parker Posted December 21, 2004 Posted December 21, 2004 Thanks again for all the input. I have been digesting all this stuff in my head for the past couple of days. I had gone a couple of weeks with no contact and it was great. Then, my son expressed his need for my ex and my ex through a letter to Carlos expressed his great desire to continue in his life. He came to a basketball game, picked him up a couple of times and now is coming over X.Mas day to visit with him. (for a couple of hours). See, it is hard for me because I still love him and I know that it's dumb, but I connect all this with some sort of stupid hope that he wanted to be with me too and that through these encounters something may spark and we will get back together. I know that's stupid, but I am thinking it may be a natural feeling. In my head I know this is not right and I know that I need to really move away from those thoughts. I think that as hard as it may be I need to not be here X-Mas day when he comes ( dumb how I have to leave my own home), but I think it's for the best that I do. Thoughts on this? I mean if I don't I'll have to watch him sit in my living room where he sat for five X-Mas and then watch him leave to be with her. Can you guys imagine how much this hurts! As far as the games goes, this is MY son and I will not forfeit going to watch him play because Andy insists on going too. I NEED YOUR INPUT ON ONE MORE THING: When I found out he had bought me a present, I made a collage/picture frame of pictures of the three of us together. I also bought him a couple of scarfs. I want to give these to him. It is just a remembrance of our time together as a 'family.' Should I go ahead and give this to him. I know what he got me $200.00 worth of Victoria Secret stuff. I thought that I would just have Carlos give these too him. You guys are GODSEND!!! Thanks in advance, Sandra
tokyo Posted December 21, 2004 Posted December 21, 2004 Sandra Parker, you should talk with him and find out what he wants, I mean, you´re not together anymore and he buys you Victoria´s Secret stuff????
Author butterfly4me Posted December 21, 2004 Author Posted December 21, 2004 Hi Sandra. If I were you, and I guess my opinion is not so great b/c I love and miss my x and he left me, too, I would stay there xmas day. You need to hold onto any hope that you can. I wish I had the opportunity to see my x on xmas day, b/c I know when we are together there is still a chance. Imagine if you had no chance? And remember there is always a shred of hope, especially when you have memories of five xmases together. I also would give him his gifts. I wouldn't leave and let my son do it. I know that it may help put thoughts of him out of your head, but, he's already there, so why not give yourself a chance? Remember if you leave there is no chance. I wouldn't ask for another chance while he is there, but, I would look my absolute best, be as nice as ever, and let him do all of the talking....at least in reference to the past or the future. How's that?
sandra parker Posted December 21, 2004 Posted December 21, 2004 Hi guys, first of all thanks again, I know you take time to read this and answer! I have argued the point of 'what is all this about???' He wants to be friends. He is still with the dumb girl who I am sure does not know about this X=Mas gift exchange thing. He called yesterday about something and I told him I had a gift for him, he went on to say I shouldn't have done that since we are no longer dating, I asked him what hispoint was since he bought me something and then he agreed with me. Anyway, I want to stick around too, this is my house, should I stay in the same room? Go to my room?? I don't know, frankly I would just llike to grab him by the throat and be done with it. NOT! Sounds like games to me and we're in our forties!!! What about my gifts, do you guys think ithey are appropriate?? Thanks in advance, Sandra
tokyo Posted December 21, 2004 Posted December 21, 2004 To be honest, I don´t know who is worse, the guy with the lingerie or you with your collage. Who are you guys kidding?
sandra parker Posted December 21, 2004 Posted December 21, 2004 It's not lingerie, it's perfumes and body lotions a couple of hundred dollars worth. So, I guess you think the collage is inappropriate?
tokyo Posted December 21, 2004 Posted December 21, 2004 I wouldn´t give anything to an ex that reminded him of our time together. If it´s over, it´s over. Unless you are trying to get him back I wouldn´t do it. On the other hand, he obviously doesn´t want to go back otherwise he wouldn´t be dating someone else. Oh, but then again he still wants to be part of your family. Come to think of it, this man sounds like a mess. I´d refuse to give him anything as present. Period. And if I had to give anything to him in order to not look vindictive it would be something small. I see no reason to give an ex expensive gifts. Same for him.
sandra parker Posted December 21, 2004 Posted December 21, 2004 Hi Kookey. you know what, you're right he is a mess, and I suppose I am too or else I wouldn't be asking for the input of others. This whole break-up has been unorthodox from the get go. I get to where I can't think straight. That's why I am at the LS website. This is what I will do; more than anything I am tired of mulling over every little thing about this. I will do what I feel like doing in that specific moment; about the gifts and about being home. My emotions are up and down all the time so I am just going to ride with them instead of figuring them out. Sounds good to me. Thanks for listening. Sandra Thanks the rest of you too.
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