Sugarkane Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 As people say on here. Yet it seems to make no difference that I haven't remains friends with Ahole exes and even gone NC in years with some.
faithfully Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 Dont think it makes any difference if they hated or not. They wanted you gone and couldnt give a crap if they were selfish and only care about themselves 2
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 As people say on here. Yet it seems to make no difference that I haven't remains friends with Ahole exes and even gone NC in years with some. What is this thread even asking? Is this a legit question? Seems kinda pointless. 1
Riou Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 I thought it's the opposite.They want you to hate them,so they feel less guilty. 2
Author Sugarkane Posted November 12, 2013 Author Posted November 12, 2013 What is this thread even asking? Is this a legit question? Seems kinda pointless. Asking why everyone says exes can't stand to be hated (especially female), yet even gone NC long term, so why isn't that the case, in my experience? Goes against what everyone says on here.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 Asking why everyone says exes can't stand to be hated (especially female), yet even gone NC long term, so why isn't that the case, in my experience? Goes against what everyone says on here. No I get the question...I just dont understand why it matters to you? They hate you, they are indifferent, they love you....does it really matter? They arent with you, so the answer is kinda moot. 1
Ordinaryday Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 I have learned over the years that people can rationalise ANYTHING in their own minds, obviously I do it as well. so while dumpers may not enjoy being outright hated, if they are in strict no contact with you they often are able to convince themselves that you are happy with them and wish them well and that there are no hard feelings between you. the fact that you are not around to contradict them helps. someone once did something horrible to me and then six months later sent me a birthday card telling me that THEY FORGAVE ME! I was furious but then I realised that in their crazy logic they thought that I was somehow pining about how bad I was and desperate for their forgiveness. even though this was not true in the slightest sense, as I said people can rationalise ANYTHING!
radiodarcy Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 I have learned over the years that people can rationalise ANYTHING in their own minds, obviously I do it as well. so while dumpers may not enjoy being outright hated, if they are in strict no contact with you they often are able to convince themselves that you are happy with them and wish them well and that there are no hard feelings between you. the fact that you are not around to contradict them helps. someone once did something horrible to me and then six months later sent me a birthday card telling me that THEY FORGAVE ME! I was furious but then I realised that in their crazy logic they thought that I was somehow pining about how bad I was and desperate for their forgiveness. even though this was not true in the slightest sense, as I said people can rationalise ANYTHING! This is so true! When I broke NC with an ex after seven months. He was like, why are you bothering to contact me at all? You're the one who stopped speaking to me. Nevermind the fact that he was the one who sent me a nasty email breaking up with me and telling me to MOVE ON. And then had the audacity to send me text message about all the girls he as dating a few days later.
Confusedguy81 Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 People in general are very stupid (myself included). We can rationalize things and manipulate things to make ourselves feel better about situations. 3
Ordinaryday Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 People in general are very stupid (myself included). We can rationalize things and manipulate things to make ourselves feel better about situations. it's not so much stupidity as it is a survival instinct. we have to live with ourselves every day so obviously it is no good if we genuinely go through life thinking we are a bad person. thus, we rationalise our own behaviours while condemning other people for doing the very thing we excuse ourselves for doing. sadly, it is human nature, and yes I do it as well. we all do. for example, I had a friend who once cheated on his girlfriend. his 'excuse' was that it was a party, he was drunk and not thinking properly and that they had had a fight. he honestly believed that he deserved to be forgiven for having sex with another woman because he was 'drunk' and he was 'sorry'. she forgave him. and yet when she did the same thing he completely ditched her. she too said she was drunk and sorry, she too asked for forgiveness but he wouldnt hear it. I myself have never done anything that extreme but lesser versions. for example, one time I had a date scheduled with my ex and had to cancel at the last minute because an important family committment came up. I was very sorry and sad. and yet when she cancelled on me for similar reasons I was really annoyed, even though I did the same thing once. I am not proud of it, but my point is WE ALL DO IT.
Fufu Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 I hardly remain friends with some of my exes.. i think it's just both sides felt indifference already. I don't know about hate. I don't hate them by the way because hating someone really takes a lot of energy. Why waste the energy and whether the dumpers hate us (dumpees)? Who cares~ it's their problem anyway.
barky2 Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 I actually remember the post where someone actually said that " dumpers can't stand to be hated" or something along the lines of that, it truly doesn't make sense. Well I mean it makes perfect sense, but dumpers obviously think you hate them... Why wouldn't they? You just smashed their heart. Op, idk in some weird way were you thinking if you showed hatred she'd reach out? Or get them back? Anger will only last so long, but after that is when it becomes tough, hense so many people post " on month 2-7 and it's still so hard". Op like I said, pay that opinion of someone else no mind, in the grand scheme of things, it means diddly squat. Barky
aybc123 Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 (edited) I think it's true up to a point. If the person respects you and your opinion and still care about you then obviously noone wants to be disliked by that person. But yes not talking to someone can be rationalised by them as everything being ok, especially if they dont hold a grudge themselves, people also always tend to put their own mental state/ place on a relationship. But there's a limit to how much you can hate someone and have them care, it's not quite the same but i had a best friend once for several years, we were extremely close, he betrayed me and i couldnt be friends with him anymore. I didn't hate him but i couldnt trust him anymore and i wasn't going to forgive and forget so moved on. He hates me though, though for what im not quite sure, not forgiving him and so making him feel bad about the fact there are consequences in life? Anyway he was so vindictive, saying horrible things about me and spreading false rumours behind my back, saying he was plotting revenge and wanted to see me suffer etc. Well basically at that point i stopped giving a **** what he thought, he just turned into this ridiculous crazy person in my head and instead of feeling bad about the fact that he hated me i found it kind of funny, i now wish i'd never met the dude and hope i never have anything to do with him again, which im positive is not how he'd like me to feel. This was obviously not a romantic relationship but im sure that many dumpees manage to push dumpers to this point in their head where their opinion of them just becomes invalid and they'd be more hurt by being hated by a random stranger than their ex. Edited November 12, 2013 by aybc123
Chi townD Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 Asking why everyone says exes can't stand to be hated (especially female), yet even gone NC long term, so why isn't that the case, in my experience? Goes against what everyone says on here. I usually say this and I always say that MOST...not all. A lot of times our Ex's need to demonize us to themselves so they don't feel bad about what they're doing to us. Like, we deserve it or something. But, over time, some reflect on it and start to feel guilty. The start to remember the good times and they reach out to see where our head is at. A lot would love the end result to be, " Well, I cheated on him and left him for this dude. The break up was bad. But, look at us now! We're talking! No hard feelings! Things are good!" Now, they can ease their own guilt about what happened. But, sometimes, they demonize us and we stay demons to them. So, that's why I say, MOST.
Author Sugarkane Posted November 12, 2013 Author Posted November 12, 2013 What is this thread even asking? Is this a legit question? Seems kinda pointless. Thanks I think your thread was pretty pointless aswell. Especially as it was stating the obvious.
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