blahblahblacksheep Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 So I met this guy on a dating site and we went on our first date last Tuesday. We had a bit to drink and ended up going back to my place but we just talked, watched tv and when he left we kissed, and that was it. He had asked me out for Saturday by the next evening. We texted the next day and just a few texts on Friday then we had our Saturday date. It started early and we hung out all day and once again had too much to drink while we were at my place. We talked about what we were looking for (while tipsy), our sexual histories, etc. One thing led to another and we had sex but before doing so I drunkenly told him that I wanted to have sex with him but I wasn't the kind of girl who normally does that, and that I hope he wasn't in this just to have sex and that I hoped he would still want to date after this. He assured me he did. I kind of believed him and trusted him more than any other guy bc he told me he was a feminist and yadi yada yada. Anyways so we did it, and he stayed over night and the next morning I was sleeping on my couch alone bc I was so hung over and didn't want to end up throwing up next to him in bed. How unsexy would that be? I was also being a little cranky when he was getting ready to leave. He kissed me goodbye and I kind of made a weird bitchy face and noise bc I thought it was kind of gross he wanted to kiss me after I had thrown up. He left with a hug and said "we should try to go out later this week", and I said "yeah, that'd be cool". So that was yesterday morning and here it is 36 hours later and I haven't gotten a text, phone call, message or anything from him. I was starting to like him and I feel like I should at least give trying to see him one try seeing as how we've already had sex and everything. So my question is would it be okay to follow up with him about what he said about going out this week? I was thinking of doing it tomorrow evening if I still hadn't heard anything from him. Something along the lines of "hey, did you still want to get together this week?"...I don't want to just leave the ball in his court. I want to show him that I'm still interested and want to get to know him, and hopefully he wants to do the same.
laylay305 Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 i think if you haven't heard from him, it's safe to contact him--at least once. one way or another, his intentions will be revealed. 1
MrCastle Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 Contact him. The worst thing that happens is he's not into you and you move on as soon as possible. Also, just because he told you he was a feminist doesn't mean he was one. Actions speak louder than words, in every situation in life. 3
Ruby Slippers Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 I think if he doesn't even respect you enough to call the day after you had sex for the first time, there's not much hope for anything real here. I'm sure he'll hook up with you some more if you want. But if a guy didn't even contact me the day after we had sex for the first time, no matter when it happened, he'd be dead to me for anything serious. 12
Ninjainpajamas Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 You got a bit drunk the first time....had him over your place, which is already half way there at the least for him to getting in your pants. You got wasted the next time he saw you, back at your place, had sex...in which you tell him you're "not that kinda girl" Yes, so far you appear completely conservative and totally like someone who would neeeever do this. Then you end up on the couch, having thrown up then had an attitude and just generally appearing trashy. I can't imagine why this guy would not want to date you! Honestly though, this guy is indifferent and likely seeing other people anyway...I don't think he has a high level of respect for you at this point, that seems pretty clear...however if you give him a call I'm sure he'd at least consider a sure thing at this point. I would say anything "serious" coming out of this however would be wishful thinking. 3
Mascara Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 It's absolutely fine to sleep with someone early if that's what you both want. What's not fine is what so many girls (even grown women) seem to do, which is to say "I'm not that kind of girl" and then demonstrate that you're exactly "that" kind of girl. If you want a man to commit after having sex, wait until he's committed before you have sex. Don't ask him for assurances with the promise of sex if he agrees. At that point, he'd agree to wear a pink tutu at the office if you asked him to. Doesn't mean he's going to do it. 3
Uwaae Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 Having sex is different than a regular relationship. Sex brings you closer physically, but doesnt mean that you a both compatible. However, you could be. Call him, I'm a feminist too. I'd totally understand if a woman called me, and wanted to go out again, and I'd totally understand if it was just for sex again. I dont think you have much to lose if you like this guy
PinkInTheLimo Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 Read your story again and ask yourself the question: if you were a serious guy who wanted to meet a girl for a real relationship, would you be attracted to a girl who acts like you do? Stop focusing on whether you will hear from him again and deal with your first problem: your alcohol consumption. 4
Uwaae Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 Read your story again and ask yourself the question: if you were a serious guy who wanted to meet a girl for a real relationship, would you be attracted to a girl who acts like you do? Stop focusing on whether you will hear from him again and deal with your first problem: your alcohol consumption. She was honest about what happened, and did not sugar coat anything. Holier than thou much? 2
runningfar Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 I'd contact him and see. If he's a feminist, he probably has no personal issue if you were just into NSA sex, and you sort of acted afterwards like that's what you were aiming for... He might not have had any plan and it didn't work out so well and y'all aren't a match. Something could have turned him off of you.. He may have lied to you just to get in your pants and thought the "feminist" line would be a good closer. But, there's no way to know from where you're at... 1
krista28 Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 I recently had the same thing happen . the guy and. i were on our second hangout. We got together that night and it seemed fine...he never called me again . wouldn't even reply to my texts said he was busy. what u gotta know is its him not u..some guyd are just losers like this once they get it that's it. i wouldn't contact him but if u do...prepare to be blown off because its a possibility . trust me its nothing u dif wrong ..if this guy wanted to talk to you he would ..they're all the same. don't be hard kn yourself tho...sounds like maybe he was seeing other girls tooor is..
mammasita Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 I'm sorry but I highly doubt that he will take you seriously. You did the most cliche thing you could possibly do. "I'm not that kind of girl" "I never do this" Well guess what. Now you are. I don't mean to be harsh, I'm just speaking the truth. You can certainly try to contact him, but I say you should move on and play your cards better next time. 3
truth_seeker Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 "I'm not that kind of girl" "I never do this" = "I've done this before, but am saying this so I won't feel like I'm a whore." If a girl says this to me, I automatically think she is someone who gets around, lies and is only fun material. 3
Ruby Slippers Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 She was honest about what happened, and did not sugar coat anything. Holier than thou much? Seriously. I guess all the preachers in this thread have never made a mistake.
lino Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 'I don't usually do this kind of thing' Fellas, whenever you hear that line, the person who's mouth it came out of is good just for 'that kind of thing'
krista28 Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 Seriously. I guess all the preachers in this thread have never made a mistake. ive made many mistakes like this. slept with a guy too early..but usualy if the guys nice hell at least try to get to know you afterwards..id let this guy go...the more u dont text him the more hell probly wonder.
FitChick Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 Limit yourself to one drink when you date. Then you won't find yourself in this situation. Better yet, schedule day activity dates until you have dated a guy at least three times, then move to the one drink per night dates. 1
Leigh 87 Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 A guy was really into me, but the fact I slept with him too soon pushed him away. I slept with him after 3 ish times I think.... My good friend and her bf are madly in love, they fell so hard and fast and lasted. Yet, even her bf confessed that: had they slept together the first night, it would have changed the dynamics and caused him to lose respect for her a bit. He would have soon found out she was a good girl with morals but still...... A true love match may not have gone ahead, had she slept with him when they met at the club! Then again, my ex slept with me after date 3 or 4! We lasted 2.5 years.
Leigh 87 Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 and doooon't get drunk during first few dates:sick: It is a really trashy look.
crederer Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 I personally don't have a problem with being intimate early. I don't judge girls for it. The two longest relationships Ive ever had both became intimate after the second or third date. I take it as a compliment, I really never understood how some thought so negatively of women who do this. It's all in context and how the girl behaves during and leading up to the act. If she's acting raunchy the whole time and it's the only thing on her mind, sure that may be a sign to back out, but if I felt a connection and we happened to have sex, there is no respect lost on my end. But as for your specific scenario, the thing that would be a turn off for me was how you reacted the next day. It sounds to me like he was trying to be nice and respectful but you didn't exactly return the favor and maybe that scared him off thinking you weren't interested. I'd call contact him, why not? 1
Ruby Slippers Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 Limit yourself to one drink when you date. Then you won't find yourself in this situation. Better yet, schedule day activity dates until you have dated a guy at least three times, then move to the one drink per night dates. Also, pass on the downstairs grooming and wear unsexy underwear until you've decided for sure it's a good idea to have sex with him 2
ForeverHopeful1 Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 (edited) She was honest about what happened, and did not sugar coat anything. Holier than thou much? Just because she has acknowledged it after the fact, doesn't mean it didn't happen. She isn't portraying herself in the best light. She now understands this, I'm sure. I don't believe it was a holier than thou post, so much as it was trying to help her understand why he wouldn't be taking her too seriously. I make mistakes and Im human too. Lol. I just think posts like that can be helpful because she may not realize that she IS acting like "that kind of girl" who does "that kind of thing." It is good advice to look inward at this time. Edited November 13, 2013 by ForeverHopeful1
Leigh 87 Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 Also, pass on the downstairs grooming and wear unsexy underwear until you've decided for sure it's a good idea to have sex with him LOL. I have done this and... It didn't work:lmao: But I didn't let them get very far, and I did explain to them that, uhh... They still wanted to go down, and I was like.. no:(
Ruby Slippers Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 LOL. I have done this and... It didn't work:lmao: But I didn't let them get very far, and I did explain to them that, uhh... They still wanted to go down, and I was like.. no:( It works for me. I make sure my first sexual experience with a guy is volcanic, and all the details are just right. I'm way too OCD perfectionist to let my plan be foiled on a whim
Author blahblahblacksheep Posted November 13, 2013 Author Posted November 13, 2013 I could see how "I don't normally do this kind of thing" could set off a guy's bull**** alarm, but I know my past and really this was honest. Nothing like that has happened, or at least not for a long time. I'm kind of a serial monogamist. And yeah the feminist thing was kind of a strange thing when taken out of context but we had actually been discussing it earlier that day so it wasn't like he was saying "it's okay to sleep with me this soon, because i'm a feminist and I'll still respect you after!" Anyways, after thinking about it and discussing with a friend too, I think crederer hit the nail on the head. I kind of acted like a bitch the next morning. I guess I'm not the warmest person ever. Even after our first date he said he couldn't tell if I liked him, hated him or somewhere in between. I'm just hard to read. So I think maybe he was thinking I wasn't into him, or wasn't into the sex or he just felt like a dick for jumping the gun too soon too. Of course I really won't know what he was thinking unless I actually sit him down and ask him. I mean, I could be completely wrong. So anyways, I figured nothing ventured, nothing gained, and, I waited til this evening and texted him a simple "hey did you still want to get together this week?" and he responded within a few minutes with an enthusiastic "yeah! i'm free tomorrow or thursday. how about you?" and he suggested we go bowling in a town neither one of us live in so that will make going back to eachother's places even more difficult. Since i'll be driving that will keep me from drinking too much. I don't know how things will play out from here - if we'll both continue to be interested in getting to know one another but for now I'm happy that we have an actual date planned and this hasn't moved to a hook up. Thanks for all the replies, even the overly critical ones! ;-)
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