Author kfey Posted November 12, 2013 Author Posted November 12, 2013 Because in spite of what she did, I love her and want to give her the chance to improve. She did so with me once before.
Canadiangirl78 Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 Did I read that right? She did that (improve) once before? Okay so how did that work out for you? She LEFT YOU for your roommate..I'm sorry but I just don't understand how on earth you are even considering giving her another chance. What are you giving her another chance to do? To hurt you again? She has already shown you who she is and how she feels about you, why don't you believe her? I know you're hurt by what she did, but why why why would you give her the opportunity to do it again? And she will, you know that right? Why wouldn't she? There are absolutely no consequences for her in doing what she did.. If you want to be her doormat, feel free but I don't think you are living in reality. She clearly wants him, not you. And if that relationship doesn't work out you're gonna be there for her to run to? I'm sorry but I think that is absolutely ridiculous..
AShogunNamedMarcus Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 (edited) It's ok to want her back still. You have to accept that you want her back and still be able to stay away from her. Accept that you are feeling the way you're supposed to and recognize it as a part of the healing process. This will not be fixed in a matter of days or weeks. If you feel like you are going to give in and take her back or contact her, post here first and let out everything you want to say to her. Just do not say it to her. You need support because you've been knocked down and are wounded. It's like you're reaching up for her to pick you off the ground. Maybe she will turn around and come grab you by the hand. She may even lift you up a little. But she will ultimately end up dropping you before you can catch your balance. That will give you more to be hurt about. Edited November 12, 2013 by AShogunNamedMarcus 1
Author kfey Posted November 12, 2013 Author Posted November 12, 2013 Did I read that right? She did that (improve) once before? Okay so how did that work out for you? She LEFT YOU for your roommate..I'm sorry but I just don't understand how on earth you are even considering giving her another chance. What are you giving her another chance to do? To hurt you again? She has already shown you who she is and how she feels about you, why don't you believe her? I know you're hurt by what she did, but why why why would you give her the opportunity to do it again? And she will, you know that right? Why wouldn't she? There are absolutely no consequences for her in doing what she did.. If you want to be her doormat, feel free but I don't think you are living in reality. She clearly wants him, not you. And if that relationship doesn't work out you're gonna be there for her to run to? I'm sorry but I think that is absolutely ridiculous.. In September I told her I wanted to take a break. I didn't like how she was treating me. In a matter of hours I took her back. She was very mad at me at first, saying I cheated on her, that I was being conceited. But not long after she got desperate. Called me dozens of times, left crying voice mails. She was in pain. She told me she wanted to make this right. I had fought a lot to be better for her, and I know she made me a better person. She then told me it was her turn. I slowly began to accept her back into my life. Just at the time I felt like I was back to loving her as usual, she did this to me.
Author kfey Posted November 12, 2013 Author Posted November 12, 2013 Want to add something: the week she began hanging out with my roommate, she bought me two nice shirts online. Button downs that she picked out for me. Additionally, we had been planning a long weekend together in St. Louis and Memphis. It wasn't looking like I could go because of work, but as soon as four days before the breakup, she was asking me if I would go.
Chi townD Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 Dude, I get it. You're in shock, in pain, you're hurting and alone. Believe me, I'VE BEEN THERE!!! Right now, you can't feel any lower. And do you know what will happen? Maybe next week, you'll feel anger and resentment. Hatred and a strong urge for vengeance. I've been there too. But she has done one of the most hurtful things you could ever possibly do to another person you are supposed to love. You trusted her and she threw your trust in the toilet. A good definition of love is literally giving your heart to someone and trusting them enough not to break it. Well, take a scientific wild ass guess at what she did. Dude, you just need to take it one day at a time. Do not call her or text her. Post here instead.
Author kfey Posted November 12, 2013 Author Posted November 12, 2013 I haven't contacted her at all. And I've been through the anger and vengeance already. I probably will go back. But revenge is not truly what I want the outcome of this to be. My desire is that she can recommit herself and perhaps her and I can be happy together.
xUnknown Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 I haven't contacted her at all. And I've been through the anger and vengeance already. I probably will go back. But revenge is not truly what I want the outcome of this to be. My desire is that she can recommit herself and perhaps her and I can be happy together. That will take time if that happens. She has to realize what she passed up. She's gotta realize he is a hit it and quit it guy, or wait for the honeymoon period to be over. But if she comes back. Don't take her back immediately. She has to show you she can change. Or else it will happen all over again...
Author kfey Posted November 12, 2013 Author Posted November 12, 2013 That will take time if that happens. She has to realize what she passed up. She's gotta realize he is a hit it and quit it guy, or wait for the honeymoon period to be over. But if she comes back. Don't take her back immediately. She has to show you she can change. Or else it will happen all over again... Of course, this is exactly what I would do. She'll get no guarantees.
Canadiangirl78 Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 Listen, I don't want to sound like I'm attacking you or being harsh to you because I know you are hurting. It's just that I think the people here are unbiased and it's easier to be objective when you're not in the situation. Right now your emotions are guiding you and it's making you think you want her back. I get that in your heart you want that because having her back will take all the pain away..for now. I said it before, it doesn't sound like this girl is anywhere close enough to being ready to give you what you want. You said you asked for break, which was only a few hours, so not much of a break but that she cried to you and was in pain so you took her back. She is now the one inflicting the pain on you, she did something that to me is unforgivable. I know this is hard, you're heart is broken. I just honestly think this girl will do this to you again and again..why? Because you let her. She doesn't love you back the way you love her my friend. It's time to see her for what she is and STOP making excuses for her.. 1
Author kfey Posted November 12, 2013 Author Posted November 12, 2013 She's screwed up, I know. I don't want her to be that way. Not saying I can change her. Only saying I want her to change.
flight E Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 So so sad. But I tell you, neither love her nor want her back. Right now you ego is bruised, yourself esteem and self respect is damaged and am sure you think it's your fault; there must be something wrong with you. Getting her back will redeem you image and esteem but if you do take her back first; she will definitely break up with you again. There are stats for these things. One you will always be on your toes and come across as possesive,clingy etc. She will breakup with you again; that is guranteed. The worst is she will do it again to someone else as you would have taught her that it is ok. The issue is not only that she cheated but the way she did it. Your new roommate she got to know through you. Under your own roof. She made sure she made sure she caused you such huge embarrassment. by her mindless act. But it has nothing to do with you its totally about her. If I were you and have the advantage of thinking rationally like I do now. After all the drama you did with the threats to kill yourself and beg, I will send her a letter or mail and tell her that her act was shameful and classless and most disappointing. That I never want to hear or see her again. Ever. That she should enjoy her new relationship and know that she will never hear from you again. Do this to regain some dignity and never, ever, contact her again. It would be better to die of literally grieve than to contact her in any way. If you do this. You will not only help yourself but will also help her. She will get to appreciate that what she did was gravely wrong and make true ammends. If you even want a real and changed person back, this is the only thing you can do as if she ever come back, she will do so knowing that she has a lot of atonement to do and not that you are waiting with open arms. I know how bad you feel and the wild emotions you must be going through. Hell, I feel bad jusst reading it. Just try for your sake and the sake of others that will cross her path, that you do the right thing.
Author kfey Posted November 12, 2013 Author Posted November 12, 2013 So everyone here seems to agree she is a bad person. My parents and friends are no longer fond of her either. And flight_E, you're saying I use that as ammo?
Author kfey Posted November 12, 2013 Author Posted November 12, 2013 This is really tough for me to bear. They are still together, he is still staying with her. I want to stop it.
AShogunNamedMarcus Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 There's nothing you can do. Not one single thing you can do would make her want to come back to you. You have no moves left here. If she did come back it would be from pity. You lose. Any thinking otherwise will just make it all the more messy.
flight E Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 Am saying you should but not as ammo to get her back, as ammo to gain a little power back. Send her that. Regardless of what some might say, she will read it and feel something: as least you are back to being yourself. She appreciate that she messed up big time and you don't want her anymore but you have to back it with action. Never, I repeat never contact her after this. Move on, live your life. It's hard as hell but don't let her make you more miserable than she already has. Visualize her like a piece of s**t which she actually is. It will be hard but you have to move on. You have to get angry. You are worth much more. She can screw your roomate or all the men at the mall. It shouldn't concern you. If you keep pinning over her you will definitely justify her actions to her and everybody who knows you guys.
flight E Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 Pls you have to be strong. dont belittle yourself over this girl again. No matter how much you think you want her back. Move on. She can never respect you or like you if you ask her to come back. Even if that is to happens she has to beg for it on her knees
Chi townD Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 This is really tough for me to bear. They are still together, he is still staying with her. I want to stop it. It will. The thing is, their relationship is built on a foundation from the pain of others. Normally, relationship like those don't last more than a couple of years. By then, hopefully you would have moved on.
Dimepiece Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 Dude... Do 180.. Go hit the gym and talk to girls.. I don't get why you want to get back with her.. If she did it once she'll do it again. You're not married run as far as you can from her man.. Don't be dumb 1
tlegend Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 Long story is here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/439705-lt-gf-left-me-my-roommate-still-love-her My girlfriend left me for my roommate. He has essentially moved out and is shacking up with her. I want this to stop. Has anyone ever been able to stop this sort of thing by taking some direct action? Yeah. Move out.
d0nnivain Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 They are adults. they are free to make their own decision. You can't do anything to stop them. If you try, you will probably end up on the wrong end of a harassment claim.
veggirl Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 This relationship wasn't going to last anyway. You guys have only been together a year and the R is described as "volitaile" and you had horrible fights and needed counseling together. That is not how healthy, long-lasting relationships start. At all. 2
Author kfey Posted November 13, 2013 Author Posted November 13, 2013 I have an update. Tonight she emailed one of my best friends, my former roommate whom I lived with for nearly the entire time her and I were together. During that year the two of them became friends too. She tells him that her and I split up, that she developed feelings for my roommate, and that she was "concerned" about me "overreacting" or something. He replied saying he'd call me, and he did. We had a good long talk about it. He was appalled at what she did, and it doesn't sound like he's going to be getting back to her about, well, how I'm doing. I was very honest and open with him about everything that happened. He is a good friend, and I know I can trust him with all the info. I'm sure he won't be divulging my depression to her. All in all, I'm pretty pissed that she did this. Going through my friends to see how I'm doing. It's just another ****ed up action she's taken. Though part of me would like to yell at her for this, rest assured I won't be contacting her. 1
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