Jump to content

Question for long time members


While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Posted

Hey guys whats going on? Hope everything is going well! I chose to post this in the BU section because many of you who have helped me frequent here and it is about my ex so double win.

 

It's been a year since my breakup (well 13 months....about to be 14) and things have been getting better....especially here recently. I try to come here every once and a while to share whats been going on and help out those who are in similar situations. Its a tough road ppl....as many of you know, but it does get better. It gets better for everyone here. It takes hard work and determination, but if you want that goal, it WILL happen. Which brings me to my question:

 

So here, within the past month/month and a half, I have met a girl. She is very nice and caring. She has much different ways of living than I do (not bad at all, just different. Religion, eating habits, etc), but we seem to connect on a great level. After going on four dates, we decided to see how a relationship would be like. Its been going very well and I do really like her as she does me. Ive been taking it turtle slow because of my last relationship.

 

What that, my mind has been focusing on my ex recently. I don't know why...it just has. She has been in my dreams a lot lately and I have seemed to be just thinking about it too much. I know my ex left me for someone else, that failed, and is now with someone new and at this state, I've made so much progress that I dont want her back...I just cant seem to get my mind off of her. Even worse, I have been comparing new girl to old girl. Thats REALLY not fair to my new girl and is probably hindering me from really giving her a chance.

 

I'm not going to contact her. Its been almost a year since I said a WORD to her so I dont plan on breaking that. Her sending me two e-mails didnt phase anything. It wouldn't matter anyways because she is done. Sometimes, we are forced to move on even though we don't want to. I've accepted that (finally) and realized there is someone else that cares and is better. Maybe its new girl...maybe its not...but I'll never know until I try. Why is my ex currently flooding my mind right now? How do I get it to stop? How can I make things better here for myself?

 

Thanks again LS!

Posted

I think she is on your mind because dating again brings up past experiences with your ex. It's only normal to compare with past relationships because it's all we have to go on. I also think that dating someone else really signifies that you are moving on, and that could trigger some nostalgia. You know it's over, but dating someone else means that it's really and truly over. You are doing a great job of being objective about the ex and putting it into perspective. What you are feeling is normal.

  • Like 2
Posted

Completely normal.

 

You'll instinctively think and compare at random times.

 

Nothing wrong with it, and I'm sure you'll get the people that come on and say oh you're not ready.. Blah blah.

 

What your doing is right, turtle slow.

 

Have fun , enjoy yourself .

 

If it works great.

 

If not, oh well, hopefully you made a great friend and keep it moving.

 

Whatever you do tho, don't go near the ex.

 

Seems like you won't, so kudos.

 

But stop letting your head and dreams get you side tracked.

 

The new girl is that, new.

 

Slow and steady... You'll be just fine.

 

When I was broken up with my (ex) and I'd laying snuggling with the new girl, that's all I could think about was my ex.

 

It'll pop up at random times, just don't let it over rule you.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

  • Like 2
Posted

You're thinking of your new girlfriend a lot, so it's natural you dream about her. I did that when I dated someone new, I kept comparing the two and didn't realize I did it until after the break up with the new guy. Give the new girl a chance, and don't let it bother you so much you keep thinking of your ex. In short time, you will stop thinking about her so and everything will be okay :). In my situation, I found forcing yourself to not think about the ex backfires. I am happy that you found someone new :). Best wishes xxx!

Posted

Agree w/ Barky.

 

And also.. IF you're going to compare the new girl to your ex, try to remember the things about your ex that made you two break up.

 

Thats a constant struggle I have, keeping in mind the negatives when you start to miss them or 2nd guess the fall out. However it does help.

 

Best of luck! Slow and steady is perfect, as long as you're happy.

  • Author
Posted

Thank you everyone! These answers really help!!!

 

I guess I'm afraid that this is going to tailspin into something that I do not want. I've been working SO hard on moving on. Its been such a tough road. LONG nights and battles with myself.

 

I have a really hard time letting go of the bad parts and only remembering the good parts...but the parts were all fake. For instance, when I met my ex, she didnt like sports. It sucked to her. Thoughout our relationship, she seemed to start liking them sorta. She has a habit of taking on the habits of who she dates and making them her own. She never really believed in anything really, just what I did. If I didnt like something, she didn't and vise versa. She broke up with me to go to another guy. She tried to impress the guy with her knowledge of MY favorite team and plays it off like its HER team. Would even text me asking about videos on youtube to impress him!! She is now going for her masters in sports marketing!!! For some reason, that irritates me.

 

Now, I look at the girl I'm seeing now, and she likes GOING to sports games, but not on TV. In my mind, I'm saying "Well, my ex liked sports." So already, I've downgraded the new girl! Does this make any sense to anyone?? Its stuff like that I'm comparing new girl to, but it was never really THAT real. I noticed with new girl, there are things we differ in (She is a vegan-I'm not She is Jewish-Im not), but we've talked about those issues many times, but we have very similar life goals and aspirations so its good...I just compare them AGAIN to ex, and me and EX had almost EVERYTHING the same BUT AGAIN THEY WERE FAKE! I hope this makes sense to you guys.

 

I dont want to get sidetracked and I'm working REAL hard at it....I just dont want to lose myself in all of this to a past relationship. I really do like this new girl and I waited until I was fully healed to actually take that step and be in a relationship again and I feel like I am. This recent crap has just been annoying. I need some help with it.

Posted

Out three years from my D and life is busy and romantic relationships are generally the furtherest thing from my mind. I've got great friends and a crotchety old male feline companion and life is good. Last time I had contact with my exW was to offer her BF a job and otherwise have no idea what's going on with her.

 

I don't expect to have any romantic encounters or relationships in the foreseeable future and should be moving states in the next year. Perhaps, after settling in there and getting my business going, opportunities will present themselves. One never knows what life will bring. Good luck in your pursuits.

  • Author
Posted

Thanks for the help Hill. Much appreciated.

 

Mild update: The new lady and I are doing very well. She slept over for the first time the other day which was really nice. We havent had sex yet...but VERY close. I also have a job interview Monday for a really nice job that I pray I get. Its nice to get my life finally on track again.

 

WITH that said, the ex is still on my mind currently. The exact same thing from my last post still applies.

 

My last post....is there anything I can do here? Its really annoying....

×
×
  • Create New...