The fool rushed in?

[g4ostdog]

Looking for advice, and see if anyone thinks I can recover from this;

 

 

I started dating an amazing woman about a month ago. We met online, and had a lot in common for our life situation; we both worked a lot, had both just moved to the same small town for our careers and family. She told me that at first she was weary, because I wasn't her usual type.. but after a date or two said that she was very glad that she had taken the chance. I must admit she wasn't my usual type either, but I liked the change. We started texting, and she said she was sick.. so I dropped off some home made soup secret admirer-style. She texted me that no one had ever done something like that for her.

 

 

We went on some more dates, walks or dinner or a movie at my place. The conversation was light with lots of laughs and smiles. It had the natural progression; life goals and history, what we want for ourselves. We bonded over needing adventure and getting away from the town every couple of months to stay sane, and looking at real estate as we were both looking to get our own places. We both felt it was the point in our lives where we wanted to start to get to know the person we'd like to be serious and long term with.

 

She told me that she had just gotten out of a 5 year relationship, and didn't want to rush into anything. I agreed, as we both said that every time we had rushed in, things had gotten messed up. I also told her though, that I didn't want to slow things down just for the sake of it; just to feel things out, and let them progress naturally. She ended up staying over at my place about 10 dates in, and the next time she did a few days later we got physical, with great chemistry. We both were worried that might be rushing it, but things didn't seem worse for it, if anything we got closer... at least, we did at first.

 

We had a few more dates, and I went over and met her family.. we talked for hours, and we bonded over sports and poker, and the dogs seemed to give me a passing grade too. We started planning a trip together for November.. somewhere not too far, just to get away for a few days. Then thanksgiving (we're in Canada) came along.. her family usually worked during it, so I invited her and them along to mine, if they felt like it. The day of, they found out they weren't working and decided to do a family dinner, which I thought was great, and she said she'd come up afterwards. I had no cell reception, so I gave a few calls at a decent time, which she didn't pick up. Two days later when I got back to town, she joked I was in trouble, that she had been worried having not heard from me, but that she was glad to talk again.

 

Something changed soon after. She started ignoring some of my texts, and the ones she did return had a cooler tone to them; no smiley faces, no goodnight handsome. I asked her a few times if she wanted to do something, and would just say no worries when she'd say she wasn't up for it for whichever reason. I bought the tickets to the trip then.. at the time I figured she just was wanting to slow it down a bit but was till game.

 

Halloween comes along, and she's making a girls night of it. I purposely just gave her space, but she texted me asking if I was at my work (which was throwing a party). I told her I had just gotten there.. supposedly my coworkers saw her but I never did. Later in the night, I saw her at the other bar.. she was pretty drunk but I said a quick hello, and she gave me a few kisses. Over the next few hours I said hi another time but tried to stay out of her ladies night.. even so guys were flirting with her, I trusted her.

 

The next day I asked her out to dinner.. she had that cool tone again and wanted to do coffee instead; I could tell something was up. Sure enough, I get in her car and it's written all over her face.. I asked her what was up, and she started to cry, and said it was really hard to say this.. I stopped her right there, and told her I could tell something had changed.. but that she still liked me.. and things were just too much for her right now, that she had just gotten out of a 5 year relationship.. she said I had read her mind, that at first she had thought she was ready for something serious, but that she had realized that she needed some time still. She said that she honestly got a bit freaked one of the days we had coffee, where I had said we were 'dating,' and that me wanting to hang out as much as I did freaked her out too. I said it was no problem, that I was happy to go as slow as she needed.. but that I also felt something real with her, that I still wanted to explore being with her, if she wanted, and that I was happy to wait as long as she was still interested.. to which she said 'definitely; you're everything I want in a guy.' I told her that when I said dating, I had meant that we had just been going on dates, not that we were bf/gf.

This is where I get confused; she than said either 'I will' or 'I won't be going to coffee with other guys, but I just want you to know I won't be doing what we did (get physical) with them'

I tried to clear up whether she was saying she was going to be dating others or not, but the convo was pretty emotional, with both of us in tears, and I didn't get it clear before we started talking about other feelings.

This is where I did something stupid; I told her that I had bought the tickets.. that I'd still like her to come, if she wanted. To me, it was just an adventure, and not a big deal to stay or go.. but I should have realized that it would still make her feel guilty, regardless of how non-chalent I was about it. She said she'd need a few days to think about it.

We then went for our coffee.. which is where I get more confused, because by the time she dropped me off at home, it had basically become that we were still going to date, but be taking it slow.. she asked how she could tell me that things were going to fast if they were, without hurting my feelings? I told her to never be ashamed of her feelings, that I wanted her to be open with me and that I wouldn't be hurt.. and we ended it with laughs and smiles and kisses.

 

I honestly had it in my head at that talk that the trip was a good month away, which I figured would be a decent amount of time. A couple days pass, and I don't text her to give her some space. She shows up at my work, says she's sorry she had been busy and hadn't texted.. I said no worries, that I knew she needed some space.. she was waiting for her car to get fixed at the mechanic and decided to stop in. She gets me to warm up her hands, and I tell her that I was sorry, that I thought the trip was farther away than it was, and that it was important to me that she feel completely free to stay or go, and that we could even go as friends, as long as I didn't get friend-zone-d ultimately, and that I thought it would just be nice to get away from the day-to-day for a few days. I read it on her face though that she was still not feeling it, and said 'I get it though, even even that would be too intense for you right now'.. she said yes, but that she'd still take a few days to think about it. I said I was still cool to wait, as long as she was still interested, to which she said 'of course I am.' Just before she ran out the door to her ride, she looked up at me.. and I regret not kissing her then, to the half glimmer of expectancy I wasn't sure I read in her face or not. That was a week ago.

 

That night I got worried.. as I thought about it, I got the impression I hadn't really gotten it across that I didn't think the trip was a big deal.. I was worried that texting her wouldn't be giving her that space, but resolved to send her a quick text the next day saying I was sorry, that I think I might have put something bad on her with the trip, instead of the relaxation I had meant it for, that I felt horrible and was sorry, and that I hoped she was having a good day. She texted me the next day saying 'thanks '

 

The day after that, I brought some food to her work after I was done.. she was working a graveyard shift and I had finally gotten off at 3am, thought it might be nice.. I didn't mean it as a way to get to talking to her, just that I was thinking of her. She texted me right away, saying thanks, but again in that cool tone. She asked if there was snow outside, to which I said yes, and that we'd have to have the snowball fight that we made a pack to have at first snowfall, if she still wanted... she said of course, but that she 'didn't know when we'd get around to it'.. I read between the lines and said 'I can wait', to which she replied 'okay '

 

That was a few days ago. I must admit, I'd fallen hard for this girl, and quickly. I'm sure she could read that in me, as cool as I tried to play things, which must be part of what cemented her needing space from it. The next morning I creeped her profile on the dating website. The first day we first started talking, she gave me her number to text and took down her profile. It's now back up, with some new pictures.. I'm not sure exactly when she put it up, but the pics were a 2 weeks old at the most, as she had texted some of them to me.

 

I haven't talked to her since dropping the food off; I figure confronting her about the profile either shows I creeped her, or worse yet she might think that I was looking for girls. I'd like to say I don't mind if she's casually dating other guys, but it does bug a part of me; why would you look elsewhere, other than not being sure about us? Best case scenario is that she really is still interested, that she didn't want me to be the rebound and realized she needs to be casual with some others first, and so she does want to keep me for later. Worst case, I blew it and she's just been sugar coating things for me.

 

She never texted me about the trip, and I canceled it. I know I'm going to have a great life either way, and I'm excited about my career and where things are going. But when I look at this girl, I feel incredibly weak and strong at the same time.. and that's got to mean something. Even seeing blond hair girls in town now makes my stomach do a flip, thinking it might be her.

 

I'm confused on the signals.. she says she's still interested, that I'm everything she's ever wanted, but she's back on the site? If the opportunity still exists, I want to play it right. How long a time should I wait to text? I want to balance giving her the space she needs and supporting her in that, and not letting the spark die out, if it's still there for her. I've heard anything from a week to a month from some people, and to forget about her from others. I don't want to make drama for her, or rush things.. I'd love to just take things slow, have coffee once in a while and keep in touch, see that smile and make her laugh again.. but I'm worried any contact might be too soon and destroy any opportunity that's still there, if it is.

 

Please help? Cheers everyone, and thanks for reading.

[melell]

Do not even entertain the thought of being with this girl at this point. People take a good while to go over a relationship that long, and they are very hot and cold- not on purpose, but within themselves. One minute ready to move on and happy, the next everything comes rushing back.

 

It really isn't easy.

 

Don't take it personally, it really isn't your fault. It is just that she isn't available at this point.

[ja123]

I have to agree with the above poster.

 

In this case, she is not emotionally available.

 

You need to think about yourself. The best thing you can do is go NC. By not contacting her again, it will make it easier for you to move on.

[Uwaae]

I think you just came on too quick for her. You got too serious too fast. Talking too much about relationship etc.

 

My advice, is to let her dictate the nature of the relationship.

 

 

...I didnt get to read all of it

anyway, that advice is probably for your next relationship

[g4ostdog]

I'm going to just take it day by day, see what life has in store for me.

 

It makes a lot of sense, that she's just not ready for anything in the near future, and I wouldn't expect anyone to be in that situation. I'm sure she's not grounded in her feelings at the moment.. but she said she was still interested a few times.. what could that have meant? She doesn't want me to be the rebound?

 

But if time goes by, and I still have the same feelings for her.. not saying I'm going to! But if I do in say a month.. is that not worth exploring? I'm not talking about hounding her, just saying hello and feeling out where she's at.

 

My question for you is; IF the stars aligned that way, when would you do so, and how would you go about it?