Marriage destroys relationships before and after.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

I don't get it. It's just an outdated social practice based on bull**** religion. I know one of the reasons my ex dumped me is she wanted to get married.

 

After eight years she dumps me because I don't believe in marriage. I saw tons of threads about this online. Oh he didn't marry after nine years so I'm breaking up with him. LOL erm I think he ALREADY proved his commitment to you, he's with you nine years you dumb ****s.

 

It's like the worst ultimatum ever. Marry me or you're dumped. Erm, hang on a minute you say you love me but you'll throw me away for a piece of paper and a wedding dress?

 

How freakin shallow is that! My ex wasn't even religious! I feel like I've dodged a bullet to be honest. I even told her I would marry just to make her happy.

 

Now isn't that true love?

 

What is your definition of "Love"? Isn't that when someone else's happiness becomes more important than our own, and that's where love just starts.

 

I really hate the social pressure and bull**** people get sucked into from family, friends and media. You don't see swans breaking up because they didn't get married oooooh no people might think we are strange because we aren't married! LOL I can't wait to meet someone REAL.

 

I love you so much, more than anything in the world. Oh wait no I don't I just want to get married but you don't so goodbye I'm going to find a new man who will marry me. Then we can say to the world yes, me and this other person are going to share our lives from now on. The last guy who loved me wanted to share his life with me too but now he's alone because I got what I wanted, too bad for him.

 

I just don't... get it. You're saying you love a piece of paper more than a human being.

Edited November 12, 2013 by MoooOinkBaaa

[AnnaAnna]

I agree with you 100%. Marriage doesn't mean anything anymore.

[aussietigerwolf]

and marriage doesn't mean that you'll be with that person forever anyway... the person could decide after a short time that they want a divorce or will just cheat if they are that way inclined.

[esteem-jam]

I cant even imagine it. Me.. in church? Whom would I invite? Would be very lonesome. Then, what if my fiancee invited like 50 peoples who I dont know and cant relate to, and I invited 0? I hope she would love me enough to not pressure a crowd of unknowns onto me

But then again, I have heard that every girl dreamed in her childhood to be that special princess in white. Do I rob her of that dream, am I a robber?

 

I could do that bureau thing, the paper. But also, I think I would respect my fiancee enough to not make it a bleak thing... just signing papers on wednesday morning before work? ))

 

I remember a brief episode on TV, they showed the work of that bureau, couples going in and out, like a factory, all dressed, ceremony after ceremony. Then, the reporters caught two people somewhere in the building, turns out they were getting married. They had no ceremony, they looked like early 20s students, dressed plainly, sweater, jeans, backpack. Such a contrast. That moment was funny.

[Omei]

It isnt shallow some people believe in marriage and want marriage, they have wanted it and its a dream if theirs. If you dont believe and you'll only marry just to make her happy, thats not a reason to marry someone she didnt leave you because a piece of paper is worth more she obviously values marriage while you obviously dont so thus you're no longer right for her.

 

If you dont "believe in marriage" and she does well then yes you did dodge a bullet but then she did also. But I wouldnt call 8 years dodging a bullet anyway thats being shot.

 

To say shes not real beacuse she believes in something you dont is being shallow, and I hope you didnt stomp all over her ideals of marriage to her face like you did on this forum, if you're not into marriage life and she is she has every right to not give up her dreams

 

Just next time you date state you never want to be married

Edited November 12, 2013 by Omei

[MoooOinkBaaa]

I agree with everyone else in this thread except you. She knew my stance on marriage from the start. She even used to say she would rather spend the money on a nice holiday.

 

Then she succumbed to social pressure. Come on nobody would want to get married if it wasn't for all the marketing of it.

 

LOL she obviously values marriage more than us! She values one day more than the rest of our lives together. It's completely hypocritical and ironic.

 

Oh hey there handsome I'd like to spend the rest of my life with you but not really I just want one day to show off to the world I'm in love and wear a pretty dress. Forget our eights years together I'll trade it all for one day because my friends are all getting married and I'm a total sheep.

 

Yeah I got shot you're right there. I STILL love her but she couldn't care less. I hope she misses me when she gets married because she'll have what she wants but is it worth it to through away something special.

 

Women must see men as just expendable creatures used to create a family with. As long as they love you and are relatively attractive you'll do!

 

She's not real because she doesn't value real values. I would like to think she loved me more than a wedding.

 

I'll find someone who really loves me and isn't an average sheep looking for social acceptance. I need someone who just doesn't give a **** like me.

 

Let's face it women want marriage to hold the divorce card against men to keep them on their toes.

 

I hope she gets a cheating scoundrel because I never cheated once, didn't even hug a girl. So I would of made a good husband I even cleaned the house for her and washed up. I never sit watching TV, don't even own a TV and I don't like football. I just imagine the typical married guy. I just don't need to be married.

Edited November 12, 2013 by MoooOinkBaaa

[AnnaAnna]

"Oh yes, I love you and I want to be with you forever but only if you marry me."

 

I don't get it!

 

She'll probably end up marrying some A-hole and spend the rest of her life being miserable.

 

You sound like a good guy, I'm sure you won't have any problems finding a right woman.

[Omei]

I think most of the people that are agreeing with you are people who themself are still angry with being left also.

 

If she wants to get married or shes changed and does now tho she didnt in the past, people change you cant say "all woman" and "marriage ruins" just because something didnt work out in your life while its working very nicely in others.

 

People change

 

You ither grow with them on the same path or you dont and part ways.

 

The way you talk about women in general is disgracful because one girl no longer thinks you want the same things and decides to find someone who does, now you think all woman are out to get you?

 

Who are you to say what she values is real enough or not? It is to her. You seem the type if its not in "my ideals" it shouldnt be anyone else's.

 

Gosh I cant picture how id be if I took that approch after being beat by a man for 5 years you think I think all men are slime? No because I refuse to let things in the past ruin my future.

 

And believe it or not theres men out there that want to get married as much as a woman.

Edited November 13, 2013 by Omei

[MoooOinkBaaa]

My ex told me the same, that she is growing and changed, her future with me is fading. Her plan is to get married and settle down living the married life. She could of done that with me but I'm not into marriage although I would of married her because that's what she wanted and I would do anything for her.

 

All my life I've been waiting for her, eight years for us to be together finally. No more travelling 300 miles and seeing each other for a week every 2-3 months. She really loved me very much, I loved her. We did have fights but this is what I don't get.

 

Now she has to start again and find another guy that DOES want to get married. Just because he wants to get married doesn't mean they will be together forever. We worked, we had eight years. I'm just expendable to her for a dress and the next guy. It's hard to find love out there. She posts on Twitter how she will never find requited love and how she's not the kind of girl guys want to settle down with.

 

She could of done that with me, that's what's really important. Why let a wedding dress get between two people if they are suppose to truly love each other, the fact is she never loved me like she said. She would rather pick up another man just to marry! Just to have that day wearing a dress! It's all about them isn't it. I'm willing to do something I don't even want or believe in but she's willing to do twice the damage by not even compromising but dumping me altogether. How is that love?

 

At which point is wearing a wedding dress more important than spending your life with someone you supposedly love.

 

"Oh yes, I love you and I want to be with you forever but only if you marry me."

 

Getting married isn't growing. It's just an occasion there is no personal growth is there. Spending our lives together and travelling is growing and growing old together, that's growing.

 

No I don't think all women are out to get me. I will call them out though.

 

LOL I don't have respect for people who value wearing a dress over someone who put eight years into them and loves them more than anything in the world. I would of sacrificed I would of even took a bullet for her.

 

She told me she loved me the same way I loved her, now that can't be true can it, can it? She dropped me for a dress! LOL that's not real values and if it is you're a cold blooded heart breaker.

 

It's not just me I see it everywhere. I know there are sane women out there I thought she was one of them, she put on a good show.

 

This isn't about all women blindsiding, I'm saying how ironic marriage is.

 

I know there is men out there who want to get married that's fine. Dropping his lover because she doesn't believe in marriage after eight years isn't right though is it?

 

I just think it's hilarious "I want to spend the rest of my life with you but because you don't believe in one thing I'm going to throw it all away".

 

It's like me saying "I love you so much but you don't believe in valentines day so we could never work as a couple could we, forget all the chemistry we have".

 

THESE type of women are insane. I don't think my ex is that type of woman but they do exist. I think she just didn't love me that much at all, just attached to me.

Edited November 13, 2013 by MoooOinkBaaa

[melodymatters]

It's NOT the dress, it's NOT the party, It's NOT a piece of paper. ( I got married in a courthouse in jeans BTW) It is announcing to the WORLD that : "WE are a family, we are a team, we put our unit above all others ( moms, sisters, friends etc)"

 

That's what it means to me anyway, and I've never got the "it's just a piece of paper argument" because if that's all it is and you love the person who badly wants " that piece of paper" why the hell not give it them ?

[MoooOinkBaaa]

Well that's even more pointless LOL, i don't think the world cares and already knows.

 

well it's not just a piece of paper is it, it's getting a third party involved in your relationship, i kinda want it just to be between me and my partner.

[melodymatters]

Nope, I would put my family above any BF. Once he becomes my HUSBAND he, and WE as a team come before any other family members.

[xxoo]

It's legally creating family relationships, and it is important to many of us.

 

If I had a child living with us that was "like a daughter/son", and I could legally adopt, I would. If I have a partner that is like a spouse, and I can legally marry, I do. Husband. Wife. Daughter. Son. Mother. Father. These titles have meaning to me.

 

Still, I would never try to convince a man to marry me. If it isn't his strong desire, then I don't want it either.

[pteromom]

How about all the legal benefits that come with marriage? Social security benefits when one of you pass. Tax benefits. The ability to make decisions for each other and access finances if one of you should fall sick or be injured. Legal protection when it comes to mortgages and credit cards and custody.

 

There are a lot of valid reasons to get married outside a pretty dress.

 

Getting married isn't all about the WEDDING. As a matter of fact if the most important part is the wedding, I would go as far to say that the person isn't ready to get married.

 

I can understand you being angry at your ex, since you were upfront about your feelings on marriage, and she switched things up on you. It's not fair. But for whatever reason, she changed her mind and decided that she DID want to get married.

 

I'm curious when you said you would marry her if it was important to her, what her reasons were for declining and walking away anyway. Or did that only come up after she walked away?

[mtnbiker3000]

Just imagine giving her the ring, proposing, wanting to get married, wanting to give her and yourself all of that. And still being tossed on your arse. Dumped. Rejected. Well, that's what happened to me. What does that say about me and my value to her?

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

You sound really hurt. I'm sorry she did that to you.

 

But just as much as you feel so STRONGLY about NOT getting married, is just how strong she feels about getting married...You both have two very different opinions on the same subject. Her's might have been different when you got together, but over time things DO change..

 

Here's the thing, you guys have been together for a long time...Maybe she got to the point where she needed more. Boredom maybe? Maybe she wanted the excitement of putting on a beautiful dress and being the center of attention for a day and going on a week long honeymoon to spend with the love of her life. A lot of girls are all about fairy tale's...

 

I can tell you one thing...bashing your ex out of anger isn't the right thing to do. Respect her. Respect her opinion. She felt strong about something and she went for it. Just because she wants marriage and you don't and she walked away doesn't mean she will marry an a.sshole. That's ludicrous to say that.

 

When a girl wants something, we will find a way to get it. Doesn't mean you have to give it to us, but we will find someone who does.

 

Also, she could be testing you. Like Jennifer Aniston did to her boyfriend in the movie "He's just not that into you". He eventually came back and proposed to her after he found out how important it meant to her. He just wanted to make her happy.

 

READ: Marriage Isn't for You | Seth Adam Smith

[mtnbiker3000]

OP - I'm guessing by your posts that there were other reasons behind the BU. Maybe she just used this marriage excuse as an easy way out. Really, it sounds like she just wanted out (yes, even after 8 years), and this was the path of least resistance.

[Omei]

Reading your post's I can get a feel for how you think about things you go on and on about her dress and a peice of paper and how you think shes got no value in what you had together because she wants marriage one day. I think you're convincing yourself that marriage was all there was to the breakup when people leave they have been doing it in their heads, planning, thinking about what makes them unhappy for weeks! Dont think its simply just marriage its not! thats just the reason she gave you just one of the many other reasons and you're hung up on it. I am not your gf and I already can tell your ideals on how things "should be" and never understanding someone else's veiw would drive me nuts. She did love you, people dont waste their lives spending 8 years "pretending to love" someone. People change like I said there is so much MORE to the breakup than just a wedding she wasn't happy anymore.

 

And it sucks the love of my life decided after a near 4grand vaca that I wasnt "it" for him anymore after years its bull****. I never changed they did.

 

You are going to move passed this if you truely dont believen marriage you will find someone who feels the same. There's a couple in my family who have been together for over 20 years and they never married but it works because they both 100% agree. Yeah its unfair she knew about it and agreed at the time of meeting you she may of thought you would have a change of heart over the years. And its nice that you would of married for her sake but she prob wants the man she marries to be as passionate about it as she is. Sometimes we know what the persons all about and even if things dont a line we fall deep anyway and it takes us years to find out its not what we want.