strive Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 A very close friend is inviting me to her party, but the problem is this group of friends are all mutual friends with the ex. I've known some of these guys for nearly 10 years. I really want to go because miss them and haven't seen a lot of them in a long while. But I don't want to go because he'll probably be there. BUT if I don't go I feel like they might stop asking me to come to the next ones and I might eventually lose them. What to do?
organizedchaos Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 A very close friend is inviting me to her party, but the problem is this group of friends are all mutual friends with the ex. I've known some of these guys for nearly 10 years. I really want to go because miss them and haven't seen a lot of them in a long while. But I don't want to go because he'll probably be there. BUT if I don't go I feel like they might stop asking me to come to the next ones and I might eventually lose them. What to do? It's one party. They're going to stop inviting you because you miss this one party? 1
Author strive Posted November 12, 2013 Author Posted November 12, 2013 lol yeah they probably won't. but I hate the way that they might feel like they had to choose. I guess that's my real problem here.
d0nnivain Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 Steel yourself & go. Have a plan B so you can leave early because you have something else to do if it's unbearable. 1
anna121 Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 How long since you broke up? Nothing wrong with stating "you know what, I'd love to come, but things are still raw for me and I'd rather avoid "X" for now. Hope that's ok." Only a total jerk would hold that against you. 3
Author strive Posted November 12, 2013 Author Posted November 12, 2013 (edited) Thanks everyone, I still have a few days to think about it. BU was over a month ago, and NC for nearly a month. I'm doing mostly fine (surprisingly enough considering this is a 10 year RS). I have zero urge to see/call/talk to him, but the thing I'm battling right now is extreme boredom. Any more suggestions? Edited November 12, 2013 by strive
Grumpybutfun Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 Strive: Maybe you could go but just for a little while. Take a friend with you who isn't a mutual friend so you can have someone to lean on. I think going and hanging onto your friendships is a really good idea. You don't want to give the ex anymore power than he already has. Take your life back. These are your friends also. Have an escape plan in case you start to feel uncomfortable. You have to work early or you have big plans...be vague, people usually don't dig when they know how hard it was for you to see the ex anyway. You will be fine, you will be strong and you will be happy again. Grumps
Author strive Posted November 12, 2013 Author Posted November 12, 2013 Thanks you grumps. I think you're right, but I also don't know how people there will react. Of course there will be questions, but I'm afraid I might end up talking smack about him for the ****ty way he's treating our kid (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/438965-how-do-you-keep-your-child-s-heart-breaking) and that is not classy. I'm having a hard time weighing the pro's and con's of this.
newmoon Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 don't go. it's just one party and no one will care. in the back of your mind and heart just be honest - the hope that he might be there is probably influencing your decision. at the one month mark you're still too vulnerable. pass on this one and say you'll come to the next party for sure.
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