Author Elliotte Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 (edited) How is she with your son? It's hard being a full time step mom, but at the same time it can be very rewarding. When my stepdaughter first moved in with us it was quite the adjustment. It's natural to get a little irritated when your not used to having someone around on a daily basis. I'm happy for you! I was worried your update wouldn't be a good one. I really hope things continue to go well. That is definitely an area we are working on. Around the time she moved in was also around the time he moved in with me full time. His mother decided to pursue her boyfriend of 3monthes to his new job on the other side of the country, at that point I fought for primary custody and got him here full time. At first my wife was trying to become his new mom, but with his ODD and attachments to his mom, that was rough. Now we have a more balanced situation, she's there for him sometimes but gets to step back whenever she needs. It's still tense between them, between his issues and hers, they can be a bit adversarial at times, which is definitely something that makes me more hesitant about having a child with her and that causing him to feel more displaced in our home. In contrast to your situation, my wife took her pain out on both of us quite a bit during that first year, and I made it worse by always trying to fix things rather than giving space where it was needed. Edited November 23, 2013 by Elliotte
ThatsJustHowIRoll Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 I think your wife is hurting because it seems a bit unfair. You have a biological child which she is helping to raise. She wants a biological child too. She probably is a little envious of the connection you have with your son. She wants that too. You yourself can attest to the bond that you have with your own flesh and blood. She wants that too. You cant blame her for that right? I'm sure she would prefer to exhaust all avenues to have a child with you. She married you. This is not in question. But if she cant, she has laid down a perhaps unfair ultimatum, but she is trying to tell you how important this is to her the only way she knows how. 1
Author Elliotte Posted November 25, 2013 Author Posted November 25, 2013 I think your wife is hurting because it seems a bit unfair. You have a biological child which she is helping to raise. She wants a biological child too. She probably is a little envious of the connection you have with your son. She wants that too. You yourself can attest to the bond that you have with your own flesh and blood. She wants that too. You cant blame her for that right? I'm sure she would prefer to exhaust all avenues to have a child with you. She married you. This is not in question. But if she cant, she has laid down a perhaps unfair ultimatum, but she is trying to tell you how important this is to her the only way she knows how. Thank you, you and Violet in particular through this thread have helped me better understand the pain that caused her to say what she did. I know she had a very painful time between deciding to move half a world away from the home she spent most of her life in, trying to be a perfect stepmom to my son and the fact that I had a vasectomy, among other reasons were extremely tough on her. I feel like this and more life long issues of her parents getting divorced makes her seem to intensify her biological clock, even during a conversation the other week she mentioned us divorcing during a conversation about having children. I just want to take a breather from rushing to get things done for both of us to feel more secure as a couple, then move towards having a child together once we feel truly TOGETHER about it, which I plan on couple's counseling to have help with!
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