fifipheebs Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 we are both in college and in a few classes together. we're friends and hang out on occasion after classes. sometimes we study together. he's very flirty and i know it's cuz he's comforrtable around me. there are occassions where i question his feelings. he seems emotionally stunted. he loves to push my buttons by going on about other girls. he will say "i think you like me". I dont but its very disconcerting being made to feel like scuzz when he talks about other girls. He always laughs when i blow up. is he disrespecting me or fishing around for my true feelings cus he wants more than just friends?
d0nnivain Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 Boys are shy & they have fragile egos. Flirt back . . . hard. Think 2x4 upside the head obvious. Once you give him an unequivocal green light, if he doesn't ask you out . . . you can either be bold & ask him or you can conclude (possibly mistakenly) that he isn't into you.
Author fifipheebs Posted November 12, 2013 Author Posted November 12, 2013 Boys are shy & they have fragile egos. Flirt back . . . hard. Think 2x4 upside the head obvious. Once you give him an unequivocal green light, if he doesn't ask you out . . . you can either be bold & ask him or you can conclude (possibly mistakenly) that he isn't into you. what youre saying then is you reckon he fancies me more than just a friend? if i flirt with him he may think i'm leading him on if i dont feel the same way.
todreaminblue Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 Boys are shy & they have fragile egos. Flirt back . . . hard. Think 2x4 upside the head obvious. Once you give him an unequivocal green light, if he doesn't ask you out . . . you can either be bold & ask him or you can conclude (possibly mistakenly) that he isn't into you. both females and males are shy when it comes to showing their heart every heart is fragile and easily scarred by rejection.......it doesn't hurt any less the first time or the last time you get rejected or how many times you get rejected..i8 actually think it borders on ....the less you get rejected the longer you feel it......guys need to show a bit more heart....it shouldnt be a female only thing...that to me seems a little unfair and a cop out on mans behalf not to have courage to come forward...its a bit coquettish and feminine...deb
Author fifipheebs Posted November 12, 2013 Author Posted November 12, 2013 I agree. Man needs to take that risk to tell girl he fancies her. Sometimes girl can misread his friendliness for interest
d0nnivain Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 I agree. Man needs to take that risk to tell girl he fancies her. Sometimes girl can misread his friendliness for interest If you prefer that the man ask you out, fine. What I am suggesting to you is that you find a way to make it abundantly clear that his advances would be welcome. For example, several years ago I went to a singles event. I met a man there. During the course of our conversation I learned that he was in the market for my professional services. When I was leaving he asked for my card. I didn't really want to do work for him but I would have; I wanted him to ask me out. When I gave him the card, I said I'd be happy to help him with his problem but I'd be happier if he called for personal rather than professional reasons. I winked as I said this & left. Two days later he called & asked me out to dinner. During the meal he told me that if I hadn't said that he never would have called because he thought I was "out of his league." I made it very easy & safe for him to ask me out because he knew in advance that my answer would be yes. OP, what are you doing to send a similar message to this guy?
Author fifipheebs Posted November 12, 2013 Author Posted November 12, 2013 If you prefer that the man ask you out, fine. What I am suggesting to you is that you find a way to make it abundantly clear that his advances would be welcome. For example, several years ago I went to a singles event. I met a man there. During the course of our conversation I learned that he was in the market for my professional services. When I was leaving he asked for my card. I didn't really want to do work for him but I would have; I wanted him to ask me out. When I gave him the card, I said I'd be happy to help him with his problem but I'd be happier if he called for personal rather than professional reasons. I winked as I said this & left. Two days later he called & asked me out to dinner. During the meal he told me that if I hadn't said that he never would have called because he thought I was "out of his league." I made it very easy & safe for him to ask me out because he knew in advance that my answer would be yes. OP, what are you doing to send a similar message to this guy? Hey there! Thanks for your responses. My thing is I want to know if this friend of mine wants more or not. I don't like him more than a friend. I don't want to presume he does but I wonder. At the same time if he does like me more I am not against the idea of pursuing something more with him.
d0nnivain Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 Hey there! Thanks for your responses. My thing is I want to know if this friend of mine wants more or not. I don't like him more than a friend. I don't want to presume he does but I wonder. At the same time if he does like me more I am not against the idea of pursuing something more with him. Those two statements contradict each other. You can't expect him to figure this out or make a move until you figure out what you want.
Author fifipheebs Posted November 12, 2013 Author Posted November 12, 2013 Those two statements contradict each other. You can't expect him to figure this out or make a move until you figure out what you want. understand but i dont know what he wants. does he want us to be more than friends? is that what he is hinting at? or am i reading into things?
d0nnivain Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 If you don't like him as more than a friend, what he wants doesn't matter. Your behavior has to concentrate on your school work & keeping him from asking Qs whose answers will hurt his feelings: Him: Would you like to go out with me some time? You: Thank you but I think we're better off as friends. Result: he gets his feelings hurt. Unless you are playing a game & if he likes you then you will "like" him because you will get a BF out of the deal even though you didn't really like him.
Author fifipheebs Posted November 12, 2013 Author Posted November 12, 2013 If you don't like him as more than a friend, what he wants doesn't matter. Your behavior has to concentrate on your school work & keeping him from asking Qs whose answers will hurt his feelings: Him: Would you like to go out with me some time? You: Thank you but I think we're better off as friends. Result: he gets his feelings hurt. Unless you are playing a game & if he likes you then you will "like" him because you will get a BF out of the deal even though you didn't really like him. i'm not game playing with him. i wonder if he is playing with me. flirting and fishing and pushing my buttons to try and make me like him and when i do, he pulls the carpet out underneath me. if he does have sincere feelings towards me then perhaps i need to limit our time together. i'm hanging around him now with the understanding he doesn't like me more than friends. he's a pysch major - not sure if he's trying out all that psychology babble on me.
Zezima Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 Maybe he really likes you. A thing about guys is that often they want to be more than friends with girls. You should try being flirty with him back and see what happens.
pteromom Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 If he does like you for more than a friend, and he's trying to push your buttons by talking about other girls, and laughing when you blow up about it, he seems like a person who wants to be psychologically in control. Like he is just getting his kicks knowing he is hurting you. But if he only thinks of you as a friend, then he is just flirting with you for an ego stroke. Neither is attractive. So I would say who cares whether he likes me, and would distance myself from someone who gets jollies off making me blow up.
d0nnivain Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 He's not trying psychological babble on you. Although you described him as flirty you also said he's emotionally stunted. If that is true, he doesn't have the skills to make you like him just to pull the carpet out from underneath you once you do. He also sounds way to young & inexperienced to be that mean. This isn't a game to him. I think he does like you. The only "game" he is playing is that he may be fishing to determine your feelings. He wants to know if he has permission to ask you out because he doesn't want to go out on a limb & ask only to have you crush his feelings if they aren't returned. I also think you like him too, despite your denials. If you didn't like him there would be no buttons to push when he talked about other girls & you wouldn't feel Scuzzy. When I don't like a guy, at the mention of other women, I try to help him date them. That also sends a clear message that I'm not interested. If you were truly uninterested, you wouldn't "blow up" when he talks about other women in front of you. You blow up because you care. If you don't want to date him, fine, but stop flirting back, which includes no more blushing & giggling & being all girly when he teases you. Study & go about your business. To do anything else is sending mixed messages to this poor boy. If you think you might like to date him, the next time he says something along the lines of "I think you like me" reply back "So what if I do? What are you going to do about it?" A real man will lean over & kiss you at that point, or at least ask you on a proper date.
Author fifipheebs Posted November 13, 2013 Author Posted November 13, 2013 He's not trying psychological babble on you. Although you described him as flirty you also said he's emotionally stunted. If that is true, he doesn't have the skills to make you like him just to pull the carpet out from underneath you once you do. He also sounds way to young & inexperienced to be that mean. This isn't a game to him. I think he does like you. The only "game" he is playing is that he may be fishing to determine your feelings. He wants to know if he has permission to ask you out because he doesn't want to go out on a limb & ask only to have you crush his feelings if they aren't returned. I also think you like him too, despite your denials. If you didn't like him there would be no buttons to push when he talked about other girls & you wouldn't feel Scuzzy. When I don't like a guy, at the mention of other women, I try to help him date them. That also sends a clear message that I'm not interested. If you were truly uninterested, you wouldn't "blow up" when he talks about other women in front of you. You blow up because you care. If you don't want to date him, fine, but stop flirting back, which includes no more blushing & giggling & being all girly when he teases you. Study & go about your business. To do anything else is sending mixed messages to this poor boy. If you think you might like to date him, the next time he says something along the lines of "I think you like me" reply back "So what if I do? What are you going to do about it?" A real man will lean over & kiss you at that point, or at least ask you on a proper date. thanks to everyone that posted and gave me their input. it really helps me puts this into perspective and question what i want out of it. i dont want to hurt him and of course don't want to hurt myself. your responses really helped me alot.
Author fifipheebs Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 It looks as tho he wants to be just friends as he brought a girl to one of our study sessions. Wanted my opinion of her. Afterwards he didnt even leave with her. I havent seen her anymore but he will on occassion bring up her name to irritate me. Nonetheless, he clearly is trying to show me he has other women on the go.
Versacehottie Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 I'm so confused. Why does it irritate you if he brings up other girls and brings one to study? If you don't want something with him, then you should be grateful that his mind for things romantic etc. is going in another person's direction. That way it will be less likely that you ever will have that uncomfortableness of letting him know you just see him as a friend. I think you both are giving mixed messages--and are either both into each other to some extent or both like the ego stroke of believing the other is and/or all of the above! To answer your question on him specifically, yes i think he has some level of feelings for you. Just a side note, I don't believe it would be irritating to you that he was trying to make you jealous if he wasn't succeeding at it, ie you probably have some level (conscious or unconsciously) of feelings for him.
Author fifipheebs Posted November 19, 2013 Author Posted November 19, 2013 Boys are shy & they have fragile egos. Flirt back . . . hard. Think 2x4 upside the head obvious. Once you give him an unequivocal green light, if he doesn't ask you out . . . you can either be bold & ask him or you can conclude (possibly mistakenly) that he isn't into you. @Versacehottie: You both are right. I have given it much thought and I AM IN LOVE with him I was thinking abot what would happen if I ever lost him as a friend and I'd be 100% devestated beyond repair. Your suggestions that he may have feelings back for me give me hope but I am also very afraid if i've read him all wrong. They say a woman's intuition is strong alas mine seems to falter cus it is too miscontrused with emotions. Kind of too good to be true so it canot be true. can I PM either you details?
Author fifipheebs Posted December 3, 2013 Author Posted December 3, 2013 He's not returning calls or emails and not talking to me when we see other at lectures. How can I get him to talk to me again?
Versacehottie Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 sure you can PM me or post here, either way. I will try to help
Author fifipheebs Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 sure you can PM me or post here, either way. I will try to help He's completely shutting me out now. Won't talk to me, won't look at me, won't return emails. He walks by me without acknowledgement or pretends he doesn't see me. I've done nothing wrong. I've been trying to keep up friendship. Perhaps he never had any feelings for me and now scared I've developed them back or perhaps he doesn't like me anymore now that I do. I don't know what to do.
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