highred Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 I am following David Allen's book called the Get Back Plan in order to get my ex back. (I am not looking for reviews or criticisms of this plan. Please reserve that for a separate thread). The GBP insists that there must be 30 days of NC for the Plan to work. In my situation it will not be a possible for complete NC. We run in the same circle of friends and live in a tiny remote mountain town with a population of less than 1,000. The GBP discusses that scenario: "In these types of circumstances where avoidance is impossible then you want to be friendly. You want to smile, be courteous and say hello. However do not allow the lines of deep communication to be opened up again. It is important to be graceful yet firm about not wanting to talk to your ex in these situations. If you completely ignore him or her you can make it worse. You don’t want to make it intolerable for your friends and colleagues. You want to be calm and cool even if you are feeling really upset inside. This is for everybody’s sake but especially your own as it means going through a very important maturing process that will make you more attractive to your ex in the end". I have read here and many other places the process of going NC with an ex. I just have not seen anywhere about what to do when the question of "Why are you ignoring me?" comes up when applying the "graceful yet firm" tactic described above. How do I reply to her when she asks, "Why are you ignoring me?" Again, I am NOT looking for comments about the plan. Just some advice on a proper answer of her inevitable question.
2fargone Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 You don't reply. That's the whole point of it.... To make them wonder... If you want to reply, you say it''s for you, so you can heal.. 3
Raena Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 NC means NC... so you don't reply. That is if you want to be a heartless SOB. If you are looking to get her back by having no contact then I would assume you would tell her that you need to not have contact with her for a month and tell her the reason why... whatever that is. Then stick to it.
MoooOinkBaaa Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 she dumped you, you shouldn't WANT to even contact her. 1
Author highred Posted November 12, 2013 Author Posted November 12, 2013 she dumped you, you shouldn't WANT to even contact her. Well, she still calls me almost daily because we are "friends". I just don't call or text her.
Canadiangirl78 Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 Can you just tell her you have nothing to say? Or that you don't know what to say? Something like that. I don't think it should be rude but should be a short answer I would think. I'm only guessing though.. 1
BC1980 Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 Can you just tell her you have nothing to say? Or that you don't know what to say? Something like that. I don't think it should be rude but should be a short answer I would think. I'm only guessing though.. Yeah, don't be rude or anything. Just say you need some space right now. You really don't even owe her a reason. 1
lovelylilly Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 I would simply tell her it's too hard to talk right now, but maybe in the future you can be friends again. Only if she contacts you first though. I don't believe in contacting the person just to say "I'm going NC". Just stop talking to her, and only if she responds to you first ask her to respect your space. I hope she listens, there's nothing worse than bread crumbs .
Chi townD Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 I'm not going to give you a hard time about a book that's never gonna work for ya and that you wasted your money, BUT....if you need to tell her anything, just say, "I can't be friends with you while I still have romantic feelings for you." How is she going to argue that one? 1
Author highred Posted November 13, 2013 Author Posted November 13, 2013 (edited) Should I tell her I need some time to myself for awhile (I'm planning to try going NC)? We didn't actually break up. I felt the relationship was going cold. I was still into her, but she was not so much into me anymore. We talked about it and she said she doesn't feel like she is a good mate for anyone. I asked her if she wanted to be friends. She said that we already are friends. A few days later we went to a concert with some friends. She was distant with me. We spoke casually the next day. Then she texted me that night to ask if I was watching the same show we like. I said that I was. That was three days ago and we haven't talked or text since. During that time I found some programs that suggest going NC if you want your ex back. I have decided to try this to see if she will miss me. Should I tell her "I need some time" considering that we didn't officially "break up"? Or, do I just consider myself in day 3 of NC and don't look back? I know she will probably try to contact me sooner or later. We always talked well together and I was close to her Son and friends and family. I'm not sure she will react properly if I flat out NC her as we really didn't end it. Edited November 13, 2013 by highred
organizedchaos Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 Should I tell her I need some time to myself for awhile (I'm planning to try going NC)? We didn't actually break up. I felt the relationship was going cold. I was still into her, but she was not so much into me anymore. We talked about it and she said she doesn't feel like she is a good mate for anyone. I asked her if she wanted to be friends. She said that we already are friends. A few days later we went to a concert with some friends. She was distant with me. We spoke casually the next day. Then she texted me that night to ask if I was watching the same show we like. I said that I was. That was three days ago and we haven't talked or text since. During that time I found some programs that suggest going NC if you want your ex back. I have decided to try this to see if she will miss me. Should I tell her "I need some time" considering that we didn't officially "break up"? Or, do I just consider myself in day 3 of NC and don't look back? I know she will probably try to contact me sooner or later. We always talked well together and I was close to her Son and friends and family. I'm not sure she will react properly if I flat out NC her as we really didn't end it. well, maybe you should first have an actual conversation with her about what is going on to see if it's fixable or not. Then base your next move on that. Step up and do something about it.
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