Jill89 Posted December 19, 2004 Posted December 19, 2004 From the start, H preferred TV porn rather than bedtime with me. I shared porn with him without success ~I suspected erectile dysfunction. Along came the internet/Viagra. Last Dec I found he'd subscribed to swinger sites looking for sex buddies. He denied it until I showed him his e-mails. He confessed he'd been doing this for 3 years but that nothing ever happened (his profile/photo are 7 years/40lbs ago). He swore to stop and to go to counseling. I thought we were doing better except for some disgust & trusting him again. Now I found he's still doing it. He's making ME feel like a sh__ for throwing away 11 years of marriage.
Barby Posted December 19, 2004 Posted December 19, 2004 So it isn't erectile dysfunction??!! Have you considered that maybe he's more attracted to men and that's why he's seeking swinging "couples" so he can be with a man w/out feeling weird about it?
HokeyReligions Posted December 19, 2004 Posted December 19, 2004 Did you both go to counseling? The problem sounds like it might be deeper than something you can 'treat' on your own. How is the rest of your marriage? Sex is only one part of a marriage, but other issues can certainly affect sexual performance and desire. Good counseling will address more than sex.
indigo_moon Posted December 19, 2004 Posted December 19, 2004 Originally posted by Barby So it isn't erectile dysfunction??!! Have you considered that maybe he's more attracted to men and that's why he's seeking swinging "couples" so he can be with a man w/out feeling weird about it? Well he's taking Viagra so that would sound the reason that things in that department are now working. Swinging doesn't necessarily mean he's got a thing for men..with swinging, it's usually couples swapping partners.....Husband A with Wife B and Husband B with Wife A...not some MM or MMF thing....suppose that's possible that to my knowledge, that's generally not what swinging is about. Guess in this case, if his wife obviously isn't a part of it, I'd assume he just likes screwing other mens' wives. Nice guy. To the original poster.....I wouldn't believe for a moment that he's never met and gotten physically involved with any of these people......I wouldn't buy that at all..........and you see things are not improving, he's back to his old tricks. For the sake of your health (he could be contracting diseases if he's skanking around with random pervs on the net) and sanity, consider ending this farce of a marriage.....life is short. So did he ever GO for counselling? You'd mentioned he'd agreed to go but didn't say if he ever did. If he's got an addiction here, it's no different than an addiction to cocaine or booze...........and even if he does beat it, he'll always be "on the wagon" and at great risk for falling off....................can you ever trust him? Do you want to spend more years of your life with someone who digusts you, who you can't trust? Spending more time having to search his computer for proof that he's not being the husband and man he should be? You deserve better. You deserve a man who you can trust implicitly.....who will not put your health in jeopardy......who is faithful. Have you confronted him yet regarding your latest findings? If so, what's his response?
HappyInNJ Posted December 20, 2004 Posted December 20, 2004 I have to ask, what kind of problems are you two having? I guarantee you that he does not have erctile dysfunction, because I am sure things work fine when he is alone on the internet. Problems get in the way of relating. Walls develop, then you can't see eye to eye on things, and argue, and lose communication. When this happens, he starts going to the computer to explore fantasies. I think he is close to you deep down inside, but whatever issues you two may have are playing themselves out on the form of porn on the internet......... Trust me, I speak from experience....
Author Jill89 Posted December 21, 2004 Author Posted December 21, 2004 I don't think he is meeting men ~ he is very homophobic. I believe he has erectile dysfunction. For years I tried to talk about our (lack of) a sex life and he always got very defensive/angry. And trying to bring him to orgasm was ALOT of work. He says now that he does have ER without Viagra. We did go to counseling together but obviously not for enough time. He said he'd stop cybersex but I see now that we needed long term counseling. He's hidden this for 4 years now and I believe it's too far gone for him to ever stop. Our marriage has issues: He can't stand to be alone and always nags me to spend hours watching tv with him. I'm so busy getting the things done around the home and with the kids ~ when I ask him to help he thinks it's funny to hand me the Yellow Pages. I've hired house-keepers but then he says money is tight. He began flying planes for fun about 5 years ago and was gone alot for training/studying. He has a stong personality and eventually I found I was happier when he was gone. From there, we drifted apart. I know there are all sorts of nasty diseases out there (I'm a microbiologist) and haven't been able to bring myself to sleep with him for months now. I see no hope for us and I HATE that I have to check up on him. Life is just too short. My problem is trying to get him to see that it is over (guess the fun goes out of cheating once the wife knows about it).
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