theothersully Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 I have a girl I've been seeing on and off for a long time now here in Miami. I gave her a job because she needed one, so we've been working closely together all week. Saturday night, while we sipped drinks at the Fountaine Bleau, she suggested we spend all day on Monday relaxing outside the city at a place she likes to visit. This idea is confirmed over text on Sunday. Today (Monday), I get ready and stuff, shower, move my day around, etc... and she never calls or texts! She did not show up to work one night, but she did call about that. However, she blew me off 100% today, after flirting with me all day the other day and inviting me to go to this place that is special to her. I'm pissed. Ready to Facebook de friend, fire her and go no contact. Wtf... am I overly angry?
Author theothersully Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 Why would someone do this?? Why does she keep on building my hopes and happiness up, only to make me feel bad again?
Author theothersully Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 (edited) Did you try calling her? Yes. On the work phone, then the personal phone. Long (ignored) rings, then went to voicemail. She blows people off on phone calls and texts all the time... watched her do it when I was around, but this is a date +she+ suggested. I also texted early in the day to let her know I'd be ready to go any time. Edited November 11, 2013 by theothersully
NJtoDC Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 iYes. On the work phone, then the personal phone. Long (ignored) rings, then went to voicemail. She blows people off on phone calls and texts all the time... watched her do it when I was around, but this is a date +she+ suggested. I also texted early in the day to let her know I'd be ready to go any time. I see. That stinks. My only concern would be firing her. Could that open you up to a sexual harassment or hostile work environment type lawsuit of she wanted to be litigious? You don't seem to be connecting firing her with the call out on Saturday. If you fire her because stood you up, or if it even looks like that? It could spell trouble.
Dark_history Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 You are right to be angry, as you did get blown off. However this brings up a perfect example of why not to date your co-workers / employees. You need to be really careful if you are going to "fire" her. If you say it is because she didn't show up for a date, she can get a legal case on you for it. You would have to find another reason that is legit. If she is on probation, than you can easily say it didn't work out. Till than, just keep things strictly business like and go NC out of the work place.
Author theothersully Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 I'm sorry guys. I probably wasn't clear enough. She is due to start work at 6:00pm. It's 5:36 and she hasn't answered me, the day after she missed work for the first time with very little notice. She has worked here a week. Firing comment is because I'm mad about both the personal side and the work side. Please ignore the issues surrounding the liability. I'm just not sure what the hell I'd going on. I created a regional position for her. Way higher level than she is qualified for on paper. Trained her, etc... and I'm poised that I've lost a lot of money doing that if she doesn't show for work tonight either. I wasn't even going to open Miami this year. I did it to help her. She was making $9.50/hr and I multiplied that by 2.5. So she blows work off for fun, blows me off today, then work is almost starting right now and she is m.i.a.
Blade96 Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 No don't fire her! You can get into trouble. If she's a good worker, that's good for your business. So, you still win If she is bad and you can find a legit reason to fire her, well 1
Author theothersully Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 ps... i worry that i'm over reacting, as my ex wife of 12 years together went n.c. without anything more than a 3 minute phone call. This upset me pretty badly. I don't handle nc/ no reason, warning or explanation well at all. Ex wife did that to me because she knew it would hurt me most. I'm feeling this pain, that psin, all in a big blur....
Blade96 Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 ps... i worry that i'm over reacting, as my ex wife of 12 years together went n.c. without anything more than a 3 minute phone call. This upset me pretty badly. I don't handle nc/ no reason, warning or explanation well at all. Ex wife did that to me because she knew it would hurt me most. I'm feeling this pain, that psin, all in a big blur.... Damn. Sorry that it brings back painful memories. Hugs buddy.
todreaminblue Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 Why would someone do this?? Why does she keep on building my hopes and happiness up, only to make me feel bad again? i think you should tell her how you feel, you are overly angry anything or any reason could have prevented hr from keeping her date with you .....obviously you are upset so explain to her just a text would suffice next time if she cant make it...... someone did this to me i got ready got my girls ready got up early because it takes a a bit of managing and then found out we weren't needed, by someone else and not the person who organized it, so i just shot off a text to explain hey if this happens again please let me know the night before because it takesa abit of organizing for me.....simple ...... the guy was actually sick......not well...so there was a reason.......i wasnt rude but honest......and he didnt have credit .....that i dont take as an excuse....sickness yeah not having no credit.......bit of a cop out and not entirely honest either i felt.....he was lying...i forgive him for that too.......forgive your friend explain how it disappointed you do it, in a non combative manner.......deb
Dark_history Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 I'm sorry guys. I probably wasn't clear enough. She is due to start work at 6:00pm. It's 5:36 and she hasn't answered me, the day after she missed work for the first time with very little notice. She has worked here a week. Firing comment is because I'm mad about both the personal side and the work side. Please ignore the issues surrounding the liability. I'm just not sure what the hell I'd going on. I created a regional position for her. Way higher level than she is qualified for on paper. Trained her, etc... and I'm poised that I've lost a lot of money doing that if she doesn't show for work tonight either. I wasn't even going to open Miami this year. I did it to help her. She was making $9.50/hr and I multiplied that by 2.5. So she blows work off for fun, blows me off today, then work is almost starting right now and she is m.i.a. That really sucks. This girl probably thinks she can get away with this due to you having interest in her. She is seeing your kindness as a sign of weakness, in that you will do anything to get her attention, despite her crappy behavior. I am with you on the grounds of letting her go, based on her job performance in just one week. And yes, after that, go NC, you don't need this mess in your life and affecting your business. That's just $h1ting on where you eat.
Divasu Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 I have a girl I've been seeing on and off for a long time now here in Miami. I gave her a job because she needed one, so we've been working closely together all week. Saturday night, while we sipped drinks at the Fountaine Bleau, she suggested we spend all day on Monday relaxing outside the city at a place she likes to visit. This idea is confirmed over text on Sunday. Today (Monday), I get ready and stuff, shower, move my day around, etc... and she never calls or texts! She did not show up to work one night, but she did call about that. However, she blew me off 100% today, after flirting with me all day the other day and inviting me to go to this place that is special to her. I'm pissed. Ready to Facebook de friend, fire her and go no contact. Wtf... am I overly angry? It wasn't nice that she stood you up. Unfortunately, you placed yourself in a sticky situation (even though you were only trying to help by giving her a job). Separating what happened personally from the job aspect, would probably be the wise thing to do (giving her that job has to be looked at as simply helping another person out with no ulterior motives and/or strings attached). If you decide to tell her off (understandable) doing so after work hours/not on the job would most likely be in your best interest. I know some will say, just let it go and not say anything, but me personally, depending on how upset I am/what was done, I sometimes prefer a final send off.
Author theothersully Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 I talk a good game on here about how to get/find girls, which is not a problem, but I get "stuck" on some of them. I'm emotionally invested. I'd never tell her off. I'd just explain how I feel and try to find out why I was stood up. I guess I am weak when it comes to this. The problem is... when i find someone I like, i don't like any other girls. I don't even see other girls.
Author theothersully Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 6:15pm, not a word. We are loose about exact start times, but she is supposed to at least let me know... Wow...
Dark_history Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 At this point I would say you have grounds to let her go, and you should. The only possible reason of her not having contact is if something serious happened to her, and just her. If it is a family member, friend, neighbor, her dog, her best friend the alien bob, etc.... that had something happen, don't buy into it. She should have been able to send a quick text or call to let you know with regards to the job. I can see it for the meet up, but a job is much more serious, you are being depended on to show me and help with the work.
Blade96 Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 At this point I would say you have grounds to let her go, and you should. The only possible reason of her not having contact is if something serious happened to her, and just her. If it is a family member, friend, neighbor, her dog, her best friend the alien bob, etc.... that had something happen, don't buy into it. She should have been able to send a quick text or call to let you know with regards to the job. I can see it for the meet up, but a job is much more serious, you are being depended on to show me and help with the work. well.......usually bosses make allowances for people if they have had a death or sickness in the family, or something like that.
Dark_history Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 Right I understand that, but some kind of notice has to be given. Also given she has only worked for a week, she has not been there long enough to build up any type of vacation or sick leave. Honestly I think she is just flaking, but I am sure she will have an excuse to try to keep the job, considering the pay and such.
Blade96 Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 Right I understand that, but some kind of notice has to be given. Also given she has only worked for a week, she has not been there long enough to build up any type of vacation or sick leave. Honestly I think she is just flaking, but I am sure she will have an excuse to try to keep the job, considering the pay and such. My thoughts as well. Flaking with maybe banking on the fact that OP likes her, so she thinks he'll let her behavior slide. 1
scorpiogirl Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 Did you create this job because you liked her? Why does she have so many benefits? Higher than usual pay, special position? Or did you decide to create the job with benefits and THEN she applied? If it's the former, I don't feel sorry for you. If the latter, she sucks. Give her a written warning and don't ever mention your personal relationship with her again. Fire her in accordance with the labour laws and forget about her. By the sounds of it she'll be out of there in no time.
Phantom888 Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 You have to prepare your case by gathering evidence that she's not doing her job effectively. Even though you can fire someone for any reason, it would be to your best interest to establish a defense just in case.
crederer Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 Did you create this job because you liked her? Why does she have so many benefits? Higher than usual pay, special position? Or did you decide to create the job with benefits and THEN she applied? If it's the former, I don't feel sorry for you. If the latter, she sucks. Give her a written warning and don't ever mention your personal relationship with her again. Fire her in accordance with the labour laws and forget about her. By the sounds of it she'll be out of there in no time. Yah this was the first thing I thought of too. You created a job for her, pay grade and responsibility beyond her expertise, and for what? To make her like you more? I could be wrong on this but the very first thing I thought of when I read that was she simply sees you as a meal ticket as you've bended over backwards for her. I also have a feeling she's attractive and is used to running guys around chasing after her while she does whatever she wants, and when guys get upset with her she responds by batting her lashes and giving a bubbly giggle. 2
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