ca Posted December 19, 2004 Posted December 19, 2004 Hi , well ive always being someone who has is very passionate and crazy about my husband, despite lots of problems and misunderstanding that we may be having today ( thanks to communication differences that he absolutely refuses to sort out today) . There was a time when i really did have a great deal of insecurity in me, that he would leave me and go, that he wasnt satisfied with me, physcially , emotionally, spiritual. However I have always hung on to hope and tried to work out whtever I could put into the marraige, to make it a more meaningful one. However these days, i seem confused.. As much as I want myself to be the center of his life and loved.. I am not sexually motivated to have 'sex' wit him, ie; everthing else goes , but at the end of it all, I am rather defocused and dont feel secure enough to enjoy it with him.. For some perverse reason, I wonder why, the thought of him having sex with some one else turns me on, and thats the only way i am able to relax and make most of this situation. I am worried that I could possibly be turning into a insecure weirdo living in la la land! help !! I am not able to decode this feeling.
me20 Posted December 19, 2004 Posted December 19, 2004 Take things easy...do not worry too much into things that you cannot control such as what will happen in the future. Do your best, and if bad things still come, its not your fault anymore. If you keep thinking and doing what you're doing now, you are not only unhappy and constantly worry, but one day your husband will take advantage of your weaknesses. So keep some 'love' percentage for yourself. So when bad things happen, you still have the pride and hope. I've been into the relationship like you and I am out of it now (because he cheated more than 10 times), but I keep begging him to change and thought I will going to die if he leave me! I change totally my concept and way of thinking about relationship and its working. So when I found out something that annoy and make me sad about my husband, I talk about it and we discuss it like an adult. I don't keep any bad feeling for him and take things easy at a time and honestly I am enjoying my life now. Life is too short to make it complicated. Anything that make you worry too much its not healthy, so find a way to solve it.
HappyInNJ Posted December 20, 2004 Posted December 20, 2004 Dear Ca, Problems have a funny way of manifesting themselves sexually. My past problems with my wife led to my inability to get an erection with her, and begin to masturbate instead of sex to avoid all of "the hassle". Please whatever you do, don't give in to that fantasy of watching your husband with another woman. It's a good fantasy, but if you did give in, it would ruin your self esteem forever... There is nothing wrong, and you are not crazy; it's a very common fantasy. When you say "everything else goes" I bet you that it is easier for you both to do other things to quickly get off, rather than have intercourse. Try to reconnect with eachother. Try intimacy building activities like cuddling naked, showering together, massaging eachother. Kissing, hand holding. That's the key. When the walls come down, and you both let your guards down, I am sure things will happen. You married him for some reason before, right? It was because you loved him. Try to do those things that you used to do back then. He needs to be on board with you or it won't work. You can private message me if you have any questions, or wnant to chat. Good luck!
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