pepsimax Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 Hi, I am not married but I would like to get married peoples opinion. I used to work with this married man and we became very close. I now work at a different place but we still go to work together. He constantly pays attention to me and i admit i developed feelings for him and he knows it. We used to text each other in the evenings sometimes but nothing that i wouldn't text my mom...and not every day or all night. A few times we went out to a pub with a mutual friend. I was certain that his wife knew that i went out with him and his friend (the other guy's wife knows). Nothing has ever happened...we are just friends. I recently found out that his wife thinks that my feelings aren't innocent and that she doesn't want us texting. I also found out that his wife doesn't know that i went with them to the bar a few times. Why would he hide it from her? Why does he still go with me to work? The other day we went out for lunch and i ordered a bottle of water. He told me to send it back and he will get me from his work-he gets it for half the price. He not only got me water but also a bottle of my favourite drink (not the first time he got it for me). He his constantly teasing me. As married people do you think that his behaviour is okay? Married women-how would you feel if it was your husband. I am confused about whether his behaviour is okay or not. I know i shouldn't have feelings for a married man but i am not acting on them and won't but i am curious to know if his behaviour his ok? My married friend says if it was her husband she would be pissed!
ExpatInItaly Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 Hi, I am not married but I would like to get married peoples opinion. I used to work with this married man and we became very close. I now work at a different place but we still go to work together. He constantly pays attention to me and i admit i developed feelings for him and he knows it. We used to text each other in the evenings sometimes but nothing that i wouldn't text my mom...and not every day or all night. A few times we went out to a pub with a mutual friend. I was certain that his wife knew that i went out with him and his friend (the other guy's wife knows). Nothing has ever happened...we are just friends. I recently found out that his wife thinks that my feelings aren't innocent and that she doesn't want us texting. I also found out that his wife doesn't know that i went with them to the bar a few times. Why would he hide it from her? Why does he still go with me to work? The other day we went out for lunch and i ordered a bottle of water. He told me to send it back and he will get me from his work-he gets it for half the price. He not only got me water but also a bottle of my favourite drink (not the first time he got it for me). He his constantly teasing me. As married people do you think that his behaviour is okay? Married women-how would you feel if it was your husband. I am confused about whether his behaviour is okay or not. I know i shouldn't have feelings for a married man but i am not acting on them and won't but i am curious to know if his behaviour his ok? My married friend says if it was her husband she would be pissed! What is confusing about this, exactly? He hides you from his wife. Is that ok in any marriage? I think you already know the answer to your questions. If you have feelings for this man, you really need to limit your contact with him. Don't be going out to pubs and having lunch together. It's a slippery slope and someone will get hurt 1
underwater2010 Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 I recently found out that his wife thinks that my feelings aren't innocent and that she doesn't want us texting. As you stated earlier in your post....it isn't innocent and you have feeling for him. I also found out that his wife doesn't know that i went with them to the bar a few times. Why would he hide it from her? Because both of you know that it is not appropriate and that his wife would not approve. Why does he still go with me to work? Better question is why do you go to work with a MARRIED man? The other day we went out for lunch and i ordered a bottle of water. He told me to send it back and he will get me from his work-he gets it for half the price. He not only got me water but also a bottle of my favourite drink (not the first time he got it for me). He his constantly teasing me. You are being groomed to be the OW. Look it up on the other board here. This is how it starts. As married people do you think that his behaviour is okay? No and I don't think it is okay that you are involving yourself with a married man. If even you are just using him to get want you want/need. Married women-how would you feel if it was your husband. I am confused about whether his behaviour is okay or not. I know i shouldn't have feelings for a married man but i am not acting on them and won't but i am curious to know if his behaviour his ok? My married friend says if it was her husband she would be pissed! I answered all of your questions. Now I have a few for you. What makes you think it is okay in engage in this behavior with a man you KNOW is MARRIED? How can you be attracted to someone who would lie to his wife in order to hang out with you? If you are so considered with his behavior, why stick around at all? And yes I would be pissed.....at both of you. 2
Mcle Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 You are enjoying the attention even though deep down you know it is wrong. You have self awareness though so good for you. Save yourself from this situation and stay away from this guy, he's no good. Don't fall into the trap that you think you are special because he is giving you this attention and taking these risks while married. It has nothing to do with you, he is just looking for his likely next victim. When you have excised him, seek therapy or try to figure out why you would even enjoy this type of attention from a married man. Or, continue and risk pieces of your soul.
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 Cut him off. Block his texts and calls. Tell him that he is married and you choose not to skirt around that issue any longer. If and when he gets a divorce, then he may call you.
TiredFamilyGuy Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 (edited) His behavior is over the line. As is yours. You know this already. You must act as he will not, by putting a stop to it. Or, no point bleating when the affair just happens and peoples lives get f*cked up. Sorry if that's blunt. Feeling a bit judgey today. I'd strive for more tact otherwise, but the message would be the same. Edited November 16, 2013 by TiredFamilyGuy
Johnson1 Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 Why would he hide it from her? That's simple, It's because she'd get the wrong idea, and rightly so. Most affairs get started through innocent friendships because like you said, after a while people develop feelings for each other. I'm sure his wife knows that.
EllyM Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 This is how my husband's long-term affair began with the OW - - they were just "really good friends". Even if you don't care about his wife (& kids??) at all, do yourself a favor and stop this "friendship" in its tracks. It will only bring you, and everyone involved, pain and heartache. You really don't want to be known as the Other Woman who helped destroy a family, do you? Because that's exactly what will happen. You admit you have feelings for him, and it's obvious he has feelings for you or he wouldn't be doing this. It's only a matter of time before things get messy. 1
xxoo Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 How would you feel if your boyfriend or husband was doing the same thing? 1
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