So sad and lost :( (LONG)

[Heartbroken12416]

So I posted earlier but apparently I needed to shorten up paragraphs, so I re-did it. Hope this is better and easier to read....

 

So tomorrow will be 2 weeks since my ex-fiance broke up with me. We were together for almost 3 years and he proposed to me exactly 4 months (to the day) that he broke up with me. I know it's only been 2 weeks but I'm still completely torn up by this . He meant (means) so much to me and I can't believe he's gone. He got some of his stuff out the day he broke up with me and then (at my request), came for the rest of his stuff on Thursday. I'm going through mixed emotions of sad and angry and Thursday was definitely an angry day, so I called him up and told him to get the rest of his stuff after work....and he did. So my apartment that was once filled with both of our things, is so incredibly empty now.

 

So moving on to exactly what happened... For the past year or so, we had been getting more argumentative with each other. We would literally argue over the littlest things.....but to my surprise, on my birthday, he proposed to me. Even though we would argue, we were still head over heels about each other....or at least I was....not really a mind reader so can't really tell exactly how he really felt but he said he was still in love with me and appeared to be in love with me.... We would still go out together, still sleep together, still spend time together, etc.... The only flaw was that we argued about stupid little things.

 

So the weekend before the breakup, we decided that since we had nothing to do and no children home (we both have 2 children each from previous relationships), that we would spend the whole weekend just the two of us. We went out to dinner on Friday and had a great night!. The next day, I went to work at 9:00am but had to leave early to go to the hospital because of another subject... So on my way to the hospital I asked if he could meet me there and he said that he just woke up and really didn't want to go out anywhere....and because we were really trying to work on arguing less, I told him it was okay and said I'd call him after I got out. Right after I hung up with him, I called my dad and talked to him about what was going on (we're really close) and almost right, I got a text message but because I was talking to my dad, I couldn't see who it was from or what it said....so about 10 minutes after that, my ex calls me and tells me that he was half way to the hospital and he'd see me there. I was so happy that he changed his mind and was coming. Everything at the hospital went good and I was released a couple hours later and was feeling okay so we still decided to go to dinner that night as well (which was the plan all along but didn't know if it would be able to happen after the hospital trip). So we went out to dinner and then planned on seeing a movie after but it was sold out. So after our trip to the movie theater, I started feeling really run down from earlier and we both agreed that maybe we should just go home so I could get some sleep. The next day/night, we went about or normal routines and things were still going good....and the same with Monday....but on Tuesday, we got into it a little bit again....but it was over text. I honestly can't remember what we were arguing about....and I'm really not just saying that....I really can't remember....all I remember about it was the fact that I was tired so after a little bit of bickering, I told him I was going to go lay down and he said "okay sweet dreams love you " and I didn't respond so we started bickering a little bit more and then all the texts between us stopped for a bit. I couldn't sleep after that so I got up and called him, told him that I was sorry and that I loved him and still wanted to work on things....but that's when I got the news that he was "done"....

 

That of course hurt me a lot and my first response was sadness but then it turned into anger. He asked if I wanted him to stay to "help out" until the end of our lease but because I was angry, I told him that he needed to find somewhere to go. He asked if I was sure and I said yes, and apparently he called his brother right after and his brother agreed to let him stay with him. He called me right after that and said he'd be by after work to get some of his things. I kept asking him "what happened??" and all he kept saying is "I'm sick of the arguing....I can't take it anymore".

 

I literally thought he was joking about leaving....sometimes during our relationship, we would "break up" but it would only last for a couple hours or a day at the most and then we would work things out.....and in a way, he kind of was joking because recently he told me that he was thinking about giving me another chance but my anger kept him from doing it. So after work, he came and started loading up his car....with me crying the whole time. Finally after his car was full, I was sitting on the chair in the living room and he stood at the top of the stairs for a little bit. He finally said "I'm sorry I have to do this" and I just started crying....he stood there for a little bit longer and then finally left.

 

Of course for the next couple of days, I called him and "begged" him to come back but all he kept saying is "we're done, get over it". So during all of this, he kept telling me that he wants to remain friends and help me out in any way he can until I can get on my feet. So because my work schedule was conformed around his work schedule, he offered to come over twice a week to watch my two children so I that can still work. I was a little hesitant at first, but then I agreed because I do need to work to be able to pay things and to save up to move out, etc...

 

So a few days before he came over to watch my children, he called me and we talked for a bit and he threw the idea out there of "covering certain things" when he would come over. I thought about it for a while and was VERY hesitant. I didn't think it was a good idea and when he finally came over to watch my children, I told him what I thought....and he said "that's okay, no pressure"....but I finally caved. So the rest of the night went well....I went to work and when I came home, we chatted for a bit and then he went to sleep on the couch and I went to sleep in my bedroom (he told me that when he comes over to watch my children that it would be easier to just spend the night).

 

The next morning, I was completely freaked out by everything and I told him that I didn't think the arrangement was going to work anymore and that I was going to bring his stuff that he brought over to his work. He told me to stop over reacting and to calm down but I told him that it wasn't going to work anymore and that I was going to bring him his things. So he finally said okay, and on top of that I told him to get a truck and get the rest of his stuff out of the apartment because it was "too hard on me" seeing all of his things. He once again told me to reconsider and to calm down, but I was set on my decision and he finally agreed and came after work, with the moving truck, for the rest of his things.

 

So after he left, about an hour later, he calls me and asks if he can come back over to get his cat and "talk"....so I agreed. He finally arrived with a cat carrier for his cat...and we talked....and everything went good....or as good as I could keep it together at least. So right when he was about to leave, I started to cry and he said "I know..." (in a comforting tone). I asked him why he wasn't hurting at all and he said "who says I'm not hurting?" and I said that I never see him show sadness, anger, any type of emotions and that it seemed that he doesn't care or love me anymore. He said that that was far from the truth. That he cares and loves me still so much and is hurting and cries himself to sleep every night. That he is only being strong because he has to be.... but when he's all alone, he starts "thinking" and that's when his emotions come out. So I started crying more and asked why he couldn't reconsider and give "us" another shot and he said that he "just can't do it". We talked a bit more and I finally caved and agreed that even though it would be hard, that I did still need his help and he agreed to help me out again....and then finally left.

 

Now a few days prior, he told me that had plans for this past weekend (hanging out with friends from high school apparently), so we did NC until yesterday when I received a text message from him saying "call me"....so I did and he told me that him having his cat wasn't working out because his brothers cats were attacking him and asked if I could take him back. He seemed like he was in a really bad mood so I asked him if everything was okay and he said "yea I just had a really rough weekend". He said if I couldn't take him back, that he was going to have to take him to a local humane society and give him up.

 

Now just this past weekend, I adopted a kitten from the same humane society....so I told him that if I was going to consider it, for him to bring his cat back over to see how he behaves with the new kitten. He agreed and came over about a half hour later. Things went well between the cats so I thought long and hard about it and finally agreed to take him back and he said "I really owe you big time. Whatever you want, just tell me". I wanted to sit there and tell him "I want you back"....but I couldn't... So I just said that it's okay, that he didn't need to do anything for me and I was just happy that he didn't have to lose his cat. Which was partially true....he had to give up one of his cats a long time ago and it really hurt him, so I didn't want him to have to give up this cat. He thanked me up and down, told me that if I think of something (that I want) to let him know, and then finally left. The last time we talked, the night he came over to get his cat, I explained that I felt that he really doesn't want this....that he would still be with me if he could....and he agreed that that is the case....but that he doesn't have any other choice.

 

So the reason I am coming asking for advice is because I am confused beyond belief. I'm wondering if he really doesn't want this break up or if he is just saying things like that to make me "feel better". I mean, he is just giving me very mixed signals. One moment, he'll say things like what I listed above and be sweet and caring and then other times he's like "you need to move on", etc.... I know for a fact that there is nobody else so that isn't a problem at all....and the day he broke up with me, I got so upset that I ripped up a picture of us that was sitting on my dresser. When he found out about it, he asked why I did it and I said "what's the point of keeping it??" and he said "well maybe I would have wanted it....". I don't know, i'm just so hoping that he'll reconsider and get back together with me...but I'm so incredibly confused....I really don't know what to think

 

Any opinions would be GREATLY appreciated!. Thank you in advance for your help!.

[lovelylilly]

I think the arguing got to him and he just snapped and couldn't take it anymore . It doesn't make sense to me to propose to someone and then break it off within such a short time. I'm really sorry. Maybe give him some space and go no contact. It sucks, but you have to heal before you talk to him--trust me, it will just lead to more arguing.

[allcriedout1]

I think he is just saying things to make you feel better. There is a book called "Its Called a Breakup Because its Broken". The relationship ended for a reason. I am just now beginning to accept this myself. My boyfriend of 8 years broke up with me a month ago, he left a letter on my kitchen counter with my house key.