Emma1234 Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 I have recently recovered from a break up. Took a long time, the thing i'm curious about now is how long people my age tend to stay together. I met my ex when i was 17, were together overall about 3 years but officially 2.5. It was so painful going through my first heartbreak, now i am wondering just how many relationships that begin at the ages 17,18,19 tend to last. I have friends who have been together from those ages who are into their early twenties and love their partner but feel trapped by them. Any information would be helpful, i think it helps me to know and understand my break up a little but too. Thank you. Emma.
d0nnivain Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 I actually have 3 friends who met & dated their spouses in high school & have all been married for more than 25 years. Two I thought were bonkers when they tied the knot. I thought they were much too young (19 -20) They proved me wrong. One set got married later . . . 24 . . . but they had some drama when we were in college. Looking back, I think the drama & the year long separation when they dated other people was one of the best things that ever happened to them. They agree because they had been together since 7th grade & they both needed to know that they weren't together simply because they were afraid to try to be with others. DH has several friends who married young (< 20) while they were in the service. I was pleasantly shocked when I met those couples & they all seemed to still genuinely like each other. However those couples are more rare. They are not the norm & I would advise most people not to chance it. Most people grow & change a LOT between late teens & early 20s. part of those changes include exploring the larger world around them & getting to know people who they would not have otherwise encountered. 1
ThomasD Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 It would be interesting and helpful to have that kind of information from a statistically valid, credible source. There are many factors which complicate the question - starting with what, exactly, do people mean by "a relationship". I suspect the best you'll find is information about the longevity of marriages that started at various ages. It's commonly stated that marriages involving one or both teenage partners tend to have very short durations compared to marriages between older couples, even early 20's. I believe there are some credible studies that look at the reasons for this. But even that probably doesn't give a lot of insight into your basic question or your specific situation, since (in the US) the median age at first marriage is now in the upper 20's. Among my friends and acquaintances I can quickly tick off at least 4 couples who met at High School age and have marriages now lasting several decades. A common factor is that they dated as teens but didn't actually marry until their early 20's. I can point to about an equal number who married as teens or early 20's and never made it to their 5th wedding anniversary. One individual admits that all the attention and excitement of getting married (rather than establishing a life-partnership marriage) was the main reason for getting married; another was mostly interested in getting away from parents and having sex. I personally think the development and maturity people go through in their late teens and early 20's is a factor. At 17, neither of you was quite the same person you'll be at, say, 22. That doesn't necessarily mean you are very different people; it might, but in most cases there are some good indications in 17 year olds of what they will be at 22. In my case, I had my first girlfriend in the last few months of High School and continuing through the summer for 7 months or so. Yes, the breakup hurt. I loved her and I believe it was reciprocal. I don't think it was the sort of love and commitment we could build a life partnership around, but it could have become that and I think we could have had a satisfying and fulfilling marriage. Four years later (without dates, girlfriends, or relationships) I met the girl I would marry. We had a little over a year of dating and engagement, and have been married over 39 years. In retrospect I see that my wife is a better life partner for me than my first girlfriend would have been, but I have to wonder how much of that is due to the simple fact that I loved my first girlfriend when I was 18 but loved my wife when we were 22.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 It sounds like you are very sincere and hinting at strong feelings here. Tryyyyyyyyyyyy to convince yourself that the extra challenges known to teen relationships have to do with each side naturally growing and changing coinciding with such relationships. It is d*mn good to avail yourself of somebody very close to confide in, during those years when so much is going on, and thus teen relationships are often quite healthy and extremely beneficial to both sides. But the fact is that you're still getting to know yourself, more than anything, during the parallel years. And it should seem noteworthy that while a guy's sexual peak is said to happen at age 17, a woman's sexual peak happens sometime in her early 30's... and that is largely the result of her learning much more about herself (in ways for which the answers can't be located in the back of a textbook somewhere). But if women have that much more to learn about their complex emotional self-satisfaction, then it stands to reason that most teen females are going to be challenged by selecting a guy at age 17 and somehow landing on the right one to later suit her 31yo self. Hope you can find your answer in new thoughts relating to what I wrote. 1
pink_sugar Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 Met my husband at 16, still together 8 years later. Not to say we didn't go though any difficulties...which we did...a whole ton of them. If I could go back, I would wait. I have grown a lot emotionally and sometimes I still do not know what my future holds. I want us to be together until death do us part, but sometimes it feels like certain things need to change in order for that to happen. I'd recommend anyone to wait until at least 25 to marry and to have children. Not having children young was the best choice I have made. Marriage is reversible and you can move on with your life. Having children young is entirely different. 1
Shepp Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 My brother met is wife at 13! Got married at 16! There both 26 now and genuinely one of the happiest couples I know!
Clockwork Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 I'd say the odds are 5%. Maybe less. This is if you marry your high school sweetheart. I guess the truth is, most of the time who you find attractive at 17-18 is not who you will 10 years later. This is why teen break ups aren't a big deal in many ways. However, yes there is the odd time this works out, and if it does I am sure it can be a thing of magic being with each other that long. But it's rare. 1
KathyM Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 I was 18 when I met my husband, and 19 when I married him. Still happily married to him after many years. He was a bit older than me, though. He was 24 when he met me, and 26 when he married me. We were both emotionally mature people though, and had the characteristics needed to make for a good marriage, and knew what we wanted in a spouse. I know many couples who are happily married still, who got married very young. Generally, though, mid to upper twenties is the recommended age to settle down. Most people are not mature enough in their teens and early twenties to know what they want and have the characteristics/qualities/relationship skills needed to maintain a long-term relationship.
mrs rubble Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 My parents meet when they were 16 & 17, married at 19 & 20, still going strong at 67 & 68. 3
Nyla Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 In past generations, people married by the end of high school and stayed together forever. Society was different back then. In this day and age, late teen relationships often do not stand the test of time. Not every meaningful relationship has to last forever. My first boyfriend wanted to marry me. Even at 18, I knew that would have been a huge mistake. We were in love and in his family, couples were often married in their late teens. Seven years ago, I had coffee with my ex. We laughed at our idealism and innocence. He said that we would have been divorced by age 25.
Got it Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 I have recently recovered from a break up. Took a long time, the thing i'm curious about now is how long people my age tend to stay together. I met my ex when i was 17, were together overall about 3 years but officially 2.5. It was so painful going through my first heartbreak, now i am wondering just how many relationships that begin at the ages 17,18,19 tend to last. I have friends who have been together from those ages who are into their early twenties and love their partner but feel trapped by them. Any information would be helpful, i think it helps me to know and understand my break up a little but too. Thank you. Emma. Yeah I was 17 when we met, we married at 25 and divorced at 32. Yes some relationships work out but many don't. A relationship should be judged not on its quantity of years but of its quality. Not every relationship needs to last a lifetime to be "successful" and a positive and rewarding experience. Sometimes they are meant to last more than a season but the lessons and the rewards are equally important. 1
summerdowling87 Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 I'm 26 been with my HS boyfriend since we were 17. I found that good hard work good communication honesty has kept us going we also have a good time together we laugh and share the same beliefs. Our relationship It feels like Pink's true love song for me sometimes. But even with that I can't see a life w/o right now.
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