Breaking up...again. Do any relationships last with multiple breaks/break ups?

[JBlackstone]

So here I am again, in another grey area with my boyfriend. Short version of our relationship: been together 3 years, I have jealousy/insecurity issues which greatly affect the relationship. When I can control it, things are great, when I can't, it's pretty bad. We broke up this past summer, I started going to therapy and we got back together. I guess I got too confident and comfortable, I stopped going to therapy and all my issues came back in full force. Now we are back to my boyfriend saying he is unsure we are to be together and he needs time to think. He says he loves me but is torn. He doesn't want to go through more fighting and he's not sure he can trust that my issues won't resurface. I am confident that if I continue with my therapy, yoga, and mediation that we can work on this. Other parts of me thinks we should just walk away, less work.

 

Can anyone offer any insights or similar experience? I tend to lean toward if you love someone you fight for them instead of just moving into the next person when a problem arises.

[Nikki Sahagin]

It really depends on the relationship and the reasons why there are numerous breaks. I find a lot of advice on loveshack very black or white, one size fits all. People can tell you there experiences and opinions and many have come up with strict rules that everyone MUST follow. In my experience, life and love don't tend to follow too many rules. If you are breaking up for the same reasons each time, it is obviously indicative of a larger problem in the relationship. Both of your desire to be in the relationship and work on the problems is important.

[d0nnivain]

Quality healthy & sustaining relationships do not endure multiple break-ups & reconciliations. You are on a sick merry go round & neither of you are learning from past mistakes. The classic definition of insanity is doing the same thing over & over but expecting different results. For your own sanity stay broken up.

[reddragon588]

You may be fighting for your ex, but is your ex fighting for you? If not, then it's not something worth fighting for.

[brokenheart1992]

So here I am again, in another grey area with my boyfriend. Short version of our relationship: been together 3 years, I have jealousy/insecurity issues which greatly affect the relationship. When I can control it, things are great, when I can't, it's pretty bad. We broke up this past summer, I started going to therapy and we got back together. I guess I got too confident and comfortable, I stopped going to therapy and all my issues came back in full force. Now we are back to my boyfriend saying he is unsure we are to be together and he needs time to think. He says he loves me but is torn. He doesn't want to go through more fighting and he's not sure he can trust that my issues won't resurface. I am confident that if I continue with my therapy, yoga, and mediation that we can work on this. Other parts of me thinks we should just walk away, less work.

 

Can anyone offer any insights or similar experience? I tend to lean toward if you love someone you fight for them instead of just moving into the next person when a problem arises.

 

My experience is somewhat similar. He broke up with me because of my insecurities/jealousy/controlling issues... and I agree that if you love someone, you do fight for them and not just give up. But I'm the only one fighting and he's not willing to fight for me. It's been 4 months and I'm working on my issues and I think I've gotten better. I'm still waiting and hoping that he'll come back one day because I still love him.

So I guess what you guys need now is time apart. Time and space makes you realize a lot of things and in the end, if he doesn't come back, at least it's a lesson learned. Sometimes things have to be learned the hard way . That's how I learned.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

A couple things I learned:

 

1. Accept what you can't change, love all the rest. (this should apply to your bf) If he can't accept that you have your insecure moments, then he isn't the one for you. He should be reassuring, he should love you in these times you need it the most...Possibly the reason you feel insecure is because he doesn't make you feel secure in the relationship with all the breaking up...

 

2. Being in love with the wrong person is the loneliest feeling in the world. You can't help who you love, you can't help that you may have loved the wrong person.

 

It's time for an adult conversation. A plan of action where two adults come to a final conclusion...If he can't give you that, what can he give you?