Got her number but she has no car

[djcos25]

I started talking to another girl on okcupid the other day. I saw she rated me high, so I figured I'd send her a message. We exchanged a few messages back and forth, and last night I caught her on the little chat feature (similar to Facebook's chat window). We talked for 15-20 minutes, I asked if she wanted to meet up for a drink, she said "that would be nice "

 

I asked what day would be good for her and she said she doesn't have a license (she has a permit) so her going anywhere is pretty limited. I asked if I could text her, got her number and we texted before I went to bed. In her profile she says she needs a car. While we talked on the site she viewed my profile a few times.

 

I asked her (just to clarify) if we were to meet up this week would she have to arrange to get picked up/dropped off. She said yeah but is working all week so its a pain. She said she just works so her having a social life is non-existent until January. She says again its a huge pain and walks to work. After that I said goodnight, nice talking to you and I'll be in touch. She said "Okay nice talking to you as well! Goodnight."

 

How do I go forward with this? I didn't want to ask her "Do I have to wait until January to meet you?" or even suggest I could pick her up, because I just started talking to her and didn't want to come off as a creeper. I'm 27 and she's 22.

Edited November 11, 2013 by djcos25

[d0nnivain]

Ask her if there are places near where she lives or works that she can get to without a car. Perhaps she can walk or take public transportation.

[Shepp]

Cant you meet her outside her work and just walk to a bar or pub or something?

[Joaquin]

Arrange a place in the main town near where you both live.

 

If she can't manage to get a bus or walk or whatever, I'd move on.

 

It's on her to be able to get around, and she's managed it for the last 22 years, not your problem.

[djcos25]

Thats the thing. I work 2 jobs, she usually does a 7-3 shift. As she said in the text, she's working a lot this week, I'm assuming cause of the holidays coming up. When she gets out I'm going into my 2nd job. I really didn't get into specifics while texting, it was getting late and I had work in the morning. Hence why I didn't get too much into detail.

 

How do I ask about meeting up without sounding like a jerk? Plus I don't want to seem like I'm hounding her, I did ask twice yesterday. From her perspective I just don't want it to seem like its always "Do you wanna meet? Do you wanna meet?"

 

I just want the opportunity to meet her right now. We share similar interests and although we didn't text too much I seem to like her sense of humor. We could hit it off, we may not. Again I won't know until I meet her.

[gaius]

Offer to pick her up, preferably with a plan of around what time/day and where you two will be going. If you're too worried about being a creeper to do the exact thing she's subtly asking you to do then you've already lost. Fortune favors the bold my friend.

[djcos25]

I just wanted to see what her schedule was like this week. My only day off is Wednesdays and on the weekends I only work until 11am so maybe this weekend I can work something out. She gave me her number, I'm sure there's some interest there. I didn't ask to pick her up because I thought that was too soon, we just started texting. That and we didn't talk on the phone or anything. Just seemed too soon. I dont know. It just didn't feel right to me.

 

I'm not contacting her today, between talking on the site and texting yesterday I think that's enough for now. I'll probably text her tomorrow near the end of my shift, then ask to call as I'm on my way home, and do it then.

[d0nnivain]

You can offer to pick her up. If she says no, ask if there is a place she can get to conveniently & let her worry about the how.

 

 

The whole "rule" about not picking up a woman at home for a 1st date is for the woman's protection so a strange man doesn't know where she lives. In bygone days presumably the man had that info before he even asked for the date. It remains a nice gesture but understand if she declines your offer.

[djcos25]

I just don't want her thinking "OMG he's asking again?"

 

If she expects me to wait until January she's nuts lol.

[Revolver]

You're the only guy I've ever heard complain that a girl doesn't have a car:p

[djcos25]

You're the only guy I've ever heard complain that a girl doesn't have a car:p

 

My ex had a car but never came to see me, so its like she didn't have one. She was from out of state and didn't know the area well, she lived about 40 minutes away. I did 100% of the driving. Just don't want a repeat lol.

 

In all seriousness, I don't mind picking her up at all. My main thing is I don't want to hound or creep her out.

Edited November 12, 2013 by djcos25

[djcos25]

So last night didn't go as expected but anyway here's what happened.

 

I texted her around 4:30, as she said she works 7-3. She was still at work, she was there until 6. We texted a little bit back and forth. I asked if I could call on my way home, she said she might be sleeping but I could text if thats ok. So then I sent her this.

 

Me: Ok. I was just wondering I know you don't have a car or anything but I would still like to meet up. I have no problems picking you up or I could even meet you for coffee after work. (she mentioned in her profile she loves coffee/tea).

 

Her: That would be nice sometime Thanks Dave.

 

Me: No problem, that's pretty much why I wanted to call. I know tomorrow is short notice but I have Wednesdays off and on the weekends I'm out at 11am.

 

Her: Oh gotcha lol (not the reaction I was looking for but ok..)

 

Me: Yeah I cherish Wednesdays lol. Ok I gotta help lockup here, I'll talk to you later have a good night.

 

Her: Ttys you too

 

 

Now what? Did I blow it by not asking if she wanted to meet up this Saturday? I have a feeling because she's 22 and she said "That would be nice sometime I feel she might be a bit hesitant to meet up?

[d0nnivain]

Stop texting. Call her. She doesn't seem creeped out by the idea of you picking her up. Ask if she wants to have coffee/tea with you on Saturday. Just put it out there directly. You should get a yes or no answer. Either way the dithering -- will she or won't she -- will be over.

[clia]

I think you should've been less passive aggressive about asking her out.

 

Me: Ok. I was just wondering I know you don't have a car or anything but I would still like to meet up. I have no problems picking you up or I could even meet you for coffee after work. (she mentioned in her profile she loves coffee/tea).

 

Her: That would be nice sometime Thanks Dave.

 

This is all fine.

 

Me: No problem, that's pretty much why I wanted to call. I know tomorrow is short notice but I have Wednesdays off and on the weekends I'm out at 11am.

 

Here is where you should have been more specific. What you did is really open ended and not leading.

 

For example:

 

"I realize this is short notice, but do you want to have dinner with me tomorrow night?" If she says she can't...then you go on "I'm off work at 11 a.m. on the weekends. How about a late lunch on Saturday?"

 

OR

 

"Do you want to have dinner with me on Saturday?"

 

When you want to ask a woman out, pick a date, activity, and timeframe. (If you ask her out for dinner, the timeframe is obvious. If you want to ask her to the zoo, you might need to be more specific about when you are thinking...morning, afternoon, etc.)

 

But you still could have recovered.

 

Her: Oh gotcha lol (not the reaction I was looking for but ok..)

 

She's probably thinking...okay, he just threw out Wednesday and the weekend. Does he want me to pick something? What does he want me to do here? Hence, her awkward response.

 

Then you panicked.

 

Me: Yeah I cherish Wednesdays lol. Ok I gotta help lockup here, I'll talk to you later have a good night.

 

You bolted fast! You could've picked up with one of my suggestions above. "So how about lunch on Saturday?" or "How about coffee on Saturday afternoon?"

 

Now what? Did I blow it by not asking if she wanted to meet up this Saturday? I have a feeling because she's 22 and she said "That would be nice sometime I feel she might be a bit hesitant to meet up?

 

I think you should directly ask her out for Saturday.

[djcos25]

She viewed my profile today and now she just texted me.

 

Her: Hey How are you?

Me: Pretty good just had lunch, you?

Her: Just hanging out at the mall, my Dad dropped me off cause he's over at the state house for his new job doing paperwork. Good way for me to spend a day off.

Me: Yeah I'm off too, so glad. I don't live to far, you wanna meet up and grab some coffee?

Her: I'm not driving my Dad drove sorry. Thanks for the invite though.

 

I texted her back asking something, when she texts back I'm gonna flat out ask her for Saturday.

[djcos25]

She got back to me so I texted her asking about Saturday.

 

Me: Hey my job just called me asking to work Saturday night. I'm pretty sure it won't happen though, I'm probably going to tell them I have to work at my other job anyway lol. Let's meet up Saturday night after work if you like, you down?

 

Her: I have work Saturday but I forgot what time. I'll let you know I've gotta see if my boss needs because one of our people had a heart attack.

 

Me: That sucks. Not a problem, just wanted to give you a heads up as soon as I heard.

 

Her: Thanks Dave (20 mins later)

 

 

Left it at that. Not gonna bother anymore. She's got my number she can text me. I've already established (enough already I think) that I'm interested and I want to meet up.

Edited November 13, 2013 by djcos25

[Zahara]

Painful read. Yes, no more texting. You've extended yourself more than enough times and stating availability to meet.

[gaius]

I give you props for making the attempt! It shows more balls than a lot of other guys have. But next time make it something more along these lines.

 

Her: Hey How are you?

Me: Pretty good just had lunch, you?

Her: Just hanging out at the mall, my Dad dropped me off cause he's over at the state house for his new job doing paperwork. Good way for me to spend a day off.

Me: Weird, I'm off too and have to pick up something at blahblah. Come help me pick it out. Maybe I'll even buy you something at the food court if there's time.

Her: I'm not driving my Dad drove sorry. Thanks for the invite though.

Me: Too bad I wanted to see if you look that good in person.

 

Or maybe she doesn't turn you down. You gotta have a clear plan and not give off a nervous energy though. Don't even put the ball in her court, you're going to be there and she can either join you or not. Not really caring if she does and not getting defeated by hearing no helps.

[clia]

I guess we'll see if she let's you know...

 

But why do you text so much extraneous information?

 

She got back to me so I texted her asking about Saturday.

 

Me: Hey my job just called me asking to work Saturday night. I'm pretty sure it won't happen though, I'm probably going to tell them I have to work at my other job anyway lol. Let's meet up Saturday night after work if you like, you down?

 

You: "Let's meet up Saturday night [to do what?]"

 

I mean, why tell her all this blah, blah background about why you are asking her out for Saturday? So boring and unnecessary.

 

Her: I have work Saturday but I forgot what time. I'll let you know I've gotta see if my boss needs because one of our people had a heart attack.

 

Me: That sucks. Not a problem, just wanted to give you a heads up as soon as I heard.

 

You: "Sorry to hear about your coworker. Yes, please let me know."

 

The rest of it is just blah....

[todreaminblue]

I started talking to another girl on okcupid the other day. I saw she rated me high, so I figured I'd send her a message. We exchanged a few messages back and forth, and last night I caught her on the little chat feature (similar to Facebook's chat window). We talked for 15-20 minutes, I asked if she wanted to meet up for a drink, she said "that would be nice "

 

I asked what day would be good for her and she said she doesn't have a license (she has a permit) so her going anywhere is pretty limited. I asked if I could text her, got her number and we texted before I went to bed. In her profile she says she needs a car. While we talked on the site she viewed my profile a few times.

 

I asked her (just to clarify) if we were to meet up this week would she have to arrange to get picked up/dropped off. She said yeah but is working all week so its a pain. She said she just works so her having a social life is non-existent until January. She says again its a huge pain and walks to work. After that I said goodnight, nice talking to you and I'll be in touch. She said "Okay nice talking to you as well! Goodnight."

 

How do I go forward with this? I didn't want to ask her "Do I have to wait until January to meet you?" or even suggest I could pick her up, because I just started talking to her and didn't want to come off as a creeper. I'm 27 and she's 22.

 

 

 

I don't drive so if I am interested ill ask them to pick me up or ill get my family to drop me somewhere when I used to date in the Jurassic period it was kosher to get picked up from where you live chivalrous even I tend to follow this ideal if a guy likes me and truly cares he will pick me up and drop me home I actually eliminate dates on this principal if I say I'll get a lift don't worry I doubt ill go on a second date with the guy who says yeah ok doesn't show true interest to spending time with me

[djcos25]

Why was it a painful read?

 

 

clia, I just wanted to let her know what was going on. If she said yes then I'd suggest coffee/drinks/whatever.

 

I basically screwed up didn't I?

[todreaminblue]

Why was it a painful read?

 

 

clia, I just wanted to let her know what was going on. If she said yes then I'd suggest coffee/drinks/whatever.

 

I basically screwed up didn't I?

No you didn't not yet

 

 

 

set up a date you can't screw up if she isn't interested that has nothing on you if she isn't , so make your move good luck....it wasnt painful to me to read you described a pretty average situation........deb

[clia]

Why was it a painful read?

 

clia, I just wanted to let her know what was going on. If she said yes then I'd suggest coffee/drinks/whatever.

 

I basically screwed up didn't I?

 

I don't think you've screwed up at all. I was just making suggestions for next time.

 

However, the ball is squarely in her court and you are left hanging.

 

You have one of two options:

 

(1) Just wait it out and see if she gets back to you; or

 

(2) If you haven't heard from her by later this evening, send her a text that says "Can you let me know if you are in for Saturday night so I can make other plans if you can't make it? Thanks!" Or something like that.

 

I'm a fan of option number 2. It lets her know that (1) you have other options (but don't get into specifics about what they are or who they are with); and (2) she's being a little rude by leaving you hanging like this. If she doesn't respond, then you have your answer. If she says she can't, then you can go ahead make other plans for the night. The problem with the first option is that if you never hear from her, you are sitting around waiting and wasting your time. At least this way, you'll know one way or the other.

[djcos25]

Sounds good. I might not start off asking about Saturday night right away though. I'll text her first and she what she's up to, ask how her day is and all that. Then I'll ask about Saturday night. I have a feeling she's gonna cancel on me, so what should I ask her if she does?

 

I was kinda surprised she texted me yesterday.

[djcos25]

I dunno now, its evening now and I'm having second thoughts about texting her. I know she'll respond but I don't feel like being "that guy" you know?