I ended it, but cant cope. How to get over her?

[sun1972]

Hi all

 

I have been with my ex for a very long time (5 years 1 month 2 days)

We split yesterday.

 

Its been LDR the whole time, spending weekends and holidays together. We probably average 2-3 days/week together

 

The strain has been showing for some time now, a year or so ago i decided to get a job by her- she actually said she didnt want that anymore at the time and we split for a few days

 

We got back together and she said she had made a mistake-- but i had lost the confidence that she would stick with me through thick and thin as a result.

 

The last 12 months, we have had some good times, tender times, and a few passionate times.

 

 

It came to a head this weekend, things got heated because im allergic to her cat which she got 2 years ago.

 

I was hacking and coughing and she said i made her feel guilty.

 

I know she isnt happy, and i know ill not commit to leaving my job again.. so i did what i thought was the right thing, ended it - i told her i loved her (i do) and said i knew she was unhappy and needed to let her go.

 

She was fine with it- she handled it far better than me (i broke down).

 

I think she had already 'moved on' emotionally.

 

As she is having investigations into a health issue she agreed to let me know the results.

 

By the time i got home, she had removed all our photos from facebook and was showing as single...

 

So, as i was the one that ended it- it should be easy for me right?

 

Wrong, all i can think about is her, and never seeing her again, or thinking about her with someone else.

 

How do people deal with it? Im a complete mess, i cant function at work and ive already broken the no contact rule

 

I KNOW it was the right thing to do, she yearns for a future with someone, and the years of me letting her down (ie not getting a job there) have eaten away her feelings for me.

 

But all i seem to do is cry

 

How do people move on?..date again quickly? ..i cant imagine even touching someone else.

 

Thanks

[d0nnivain]

whether you are the dump-or or the dumpee, this is still a LOSS in your life. You can't expect to get over it in 5 minutes. You have to give yourself some time to grieve & this time of year doesn't help.

 

 

You need to keep busy. Don't worry so much about dating again, take care of yourself. Throw yourself into work if that helps. Exercise, the endorphins will do you good. Find a new hobby or get reabsorbed in an old one. redecorate your living space so everything doesn't remind you of that person.

[sun1972]

Thanks

 

i think what makes it so hard is that even after all the ups and downs, after 5 years we still were close when actually together.

 

Still held hands everywhere (even in bed) still cuddled n kissed constantly..

 

and no nastiness or angry words even when i ended it

 

i love her totally and utterly, but giving up a 20 year job

after being dumped a year ago... i just couldnt do.

 

how long do people say to NC for?. I suppose its until i feel that discovering she is with someone else wont hurt?

 

Do you think i need to remove her from fb so that i wont look?

 

The need to look is almost an obsession, and even though she removed the news feed story of the break up....just seeing 'single' on her name, and seein our photos gone hurt so much..

 

 

I will try to keep buy as you say...and get back into the gym

[d0nnivain]

You go NC until it stops hurting.

 

 

Yes, you should remove her from FB & all other social media.

[sun1972]

Thanks

 

your right of course, we are actually talking now, but after tonight ill stop..aside from knowing what her health issue test results are, i want to know she is ok

 

Ill remove her from fb too... its bloody hard though isnt it. I guess i should remove her family as well

[sun1972]

well ive blocked her on fb..should something as simple as that be so hard?