30andsad Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 She moved her things completely out of the house Saturday. Short recap -- 4 year relationship, 3 years living together, owned a home together (I am keeping house), she moved to a small apartment downtown, not a messy breakup but I am utterly heartbroken. Anyway, I handled the weekend pretty well, but I am struggling terribly at work today. Just feel like I don't have much going for me now. I've been struggling with my job for some time now and just have very little to no fulfillment in it, and have been very stressed/looking for ways out for months now. Her and my pets were my bedrock and I always felt like I had that part of my life sorted out, just needed to get my own business of the ground or a more fulfilling work environment. I'd spent months worrying about changing it up when now I realize I should have been focusing on the relationship. At this point I've lost her and still have this damn job, and now I truly need it and couldn't afford to lose it. So now, nothing to enjoy during the day and nothing to come home to. Just feeling really helpless and defeated. So terribly sad and depressed about her being gone from my life, and on the flip side angry and upset that she left at such a stressful time and now I'm trapped with no support. This day is just really sucking and I'm struggling to stay functional today. I just want to go home, curl up in a ball and sleep for 20 hours. Ugh...never thought this would ever happen with her. I thought she would stick by me to the end.
Eddie007 Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 She moved her things completely out of the house Saturday. Short recap -- 4 year relationship, 3 years living together, owned a home together (I am keeping house), she moved to a small apartment downtown, not a messy breakup but I am utterly heartbroken. Anyway, I handled the weekend pretty well, but I am struggling terribly at work today. Just feel like I don't have much going for me now. I've been struggling with my job for some time now and just have very little to no fulfillment in it, and have been very stressed/looking for ways out for months now. Her and my pets were my bedrock and I always felt like I had that part of my life sorted out, just needed to get my own business of the ground or a more fulfilling work environment. I'd spent months worrying about changing it up when now I realize I should have been focusing on the relationship. At this point I've lost her and still have this damn job, and now I truly need it and couldn't afford to lose it. So now, nothing to enjoy during the day and nothing to come home to. Just feeling really helpless and defeated. So terribly sad and depressed about her being gone from my life, and on the flip side angry and upset that she left at such a stressful time and now I'm trapped with no support. This day is just really sucking and I'm struggling to stay functional today. I just want to go home, curl up in a ball and sleep for 20 hours. Ugh...never thought this would ever happen with her. I thought she would stick by me to the end. Its very tough and I feel your pain. However my friend this IS the end. Not of life but of the realtionship. She did stick with you till the end. However, the end came before you expected.
d0nnivain Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 You are grieving & it's part of the process. I give you kudos for even crawling into work today. I may have called in sick. This isn't going to get fixed overnight & this holiday season is going to be hard. You need to surround yourself with friends & family who love you & who will support you. Make some little changes in your immediate life: re-decorate. Move the furniture. Box up any momentos so they aren't hourly reminders. Keep busy. This is key. Work overtime if you can concentrate. Take a class. Exercise. The endorphins will help. Do something "mean" to make yourself feel better. I took a photo of one EX, put it on a dart board & played until his face was obliterated. I've ripped up T-shirts. I once took an old Ken doll, pretended it was him & stuck pins in it. Wish bad things on the other person (Not really bad ones like that they were dead but stupid ones. My favorites are that the phone rings with the call they had been waiting for comes as soon as they get in the shower; that they get a big pimple before a date or job interview or that they miss their next flight). 1
headinthecloud Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 We are responsible or our own happiness. It sounds to me like you need to find yourself again. If you're not finding fulfillment in your job then look for it elsewhere. Be the person you always wanted to be. You should take his time to focus on you. Being happy is choice, and you can get there but it will take work. Be strong, this phase will pass but don't miss the opportunity of investing in your future happiness. 3
xpaperxcutx Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 I can tell u from personal experience, i almost quit school and my job because of my breakup but then that would've confirmed what a weak and helpless person I was. When you are in a relationship, you put the other person on a pedestal and you start to neglect your own personal happiness. Its so easy to lose yourself in the other person thats why when breakups occur, you lose everything. You have to grief and cry. And then pick yourself up and rediscover your own identity. No matter how hsrd you think it is, i can swear it will get better. In the meantime i recommend reading the secret. That book has helped me overcome my issues including the constant worries and the stress. 3
mtnbiker3000 Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 (edited) When you are in a relationship, you put the other person on a pedestal and you start to neglect your own personal happiness. Its so easy to lose yourself in the other person thats why when breakups occur, you lose everything. Yup. I'm right here with ya. This is co-dependence. And I believe this to be the single biggest hurdle in recovering from a BU. OP - I recommend therapy if you have the means. And reading anything and everything you can get your hands on. Just go to your local bookstore or library and read as much as you can on this topic. It's going to be rough, but you will make it. And of course, stay 100% NC. Edited November 11, 2013 by mtnbiker3000 1
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