Heartbrokengirl777 Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 Hi everyone. This is my first post, although I've been reading for awhile now. I've been broken up with my ex for a little over 4 months now. Since the breakup, I've learned things that have absolutely crushed me and made me realize he's not the man I thought he was at all. I know, 1000%, tht I would never get back with him, although he's tried a few times since the BU. I'm the one that left him, although my reasons were very good. he cheated on me, and there were other issues that were deal breakers for me. My problem is that he has been dating the girl he cheated with since we broke up. I literally cannot move past this or stop thinking about it. It got o the point where I created a fake Facebook profile and friended both of them so that I can tell when they are online talking. (This is how he "texts"). Trust me, I absolutely know how crazy that is. I also realize that because I've done that, I'm not 100% NC. I just literally cannot stop myself from doing it and checking it nonstop, all day, every day. He has cheated on every person he's ever been with, including his ex wife. It is who he is, although of course he made me feel that it was different with me. I've also heard through mutual friends that she now thinks he's cheating on her, although she hasn't left him yet. How do I move past caring about this? How do I stop the constant thoughts about them being together?
d0nnivain Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 First & most importantly, you close the fake FB account & block every possible way you have to communicate with them or keep tabs on them. You aren't healing because you are fixated on them & it's not healthy. Now you make changes in your life: rearrange your furniture in your house, get a new hairstyle, etc. If you have the money get a new wardrobe or some other procedure you always wanted. Find ways to keep yourself busy, especially with the holidays coming. Work over time. Get a part time job. Take or teach a class. Join a group based upon some interest of yours (Not a singles group yet, you're not ready). Volunteer somewhere. As you fill up your time so you don't have time to check them on FB, you will start to heal. If you can fill up your time making yourself more money or doing good for someone else, you will find some peace & a sense of purpose.
Author Heartbrokengirl777 Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 First & most importantly, you close the fake FB account & block every possible way you have to communicate with them or keep tabs on them. You aren't healing because you are fixated on them & it's not healthy. Now you make changes in your life: rearrange your furniture in your house, get a new hairstyle, etc. If you have the money get a new wardrobe or some other procedure you always wanted. Find ways to keep yourself busy, especially with the holidays coming. Work over time. Get a part time job. Take or teach a class. Join a group based upon some interest of yours (Not a singles group yet, you're not ready). Volunteer somewhere. As you fill up your time so you don't have time to check them on FB, you will start to heal. If you can fill up your time making yourself more money or doing good for someone else, you will find some peace & a sense of purpose. Thanks so much for the reply. My life is very full. I am surrounded my friends and family that love me very much. I stay really busy socializing and with my 2 jobs. In the best shape of my life. All of the above is why I cannot for the life of me figure out why I cannot move past this. It has literally become an obsession. He's not a great catch. He's a liar and a cheater. And yet, I don't know how to let it go...
d0nnivain Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 After a break up (& at the beginning of a new relationship) I used to designate a friend or two to be the person I called when I really wanted to call or FB or message or otherwise check on him. I would do the same for my friends when it was their turn. It helps. So as to not overburden my friends I'd also have another outlet, like posting on sites like this.
yorkie Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 my advice is simple take one day at a time, one foot after another i have made massive mistakes since i split with my ex just keep calm and yes NC if you dont have kids! honestly if i could turn back time i wish i listened but im an emotional guy heart on my sleeve sort of thing i made it alot worse for myself but hey im on first day LC limited contact and she stayed in the care when she dropped kids off and my daughter gave her the letter she had here. so day one nearly complete ready for the challenge tomorrow
Author Heartbrokengirl777 Posted November 12, 2013 Author Posted November 12, 2013 Anyone else have any advice??
newmoon Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 Talking it out with supportive people can help a great deal. Find someone who truly supports you and won't be upset that you're 'not over it yet.' It's ok... a break-up is like a death of sorts and we all mourn differently. But the other poster is right, you must delete that FB account right away; it's hindering your progress forward and is taking up your valuable time! And go on a dating website - I don't actually want to date, but just knowing other men found me attractive was a huge ego boost and helped me move forward too.
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