finishedpartying Posted December 18, 2004 Posted December 18, 2004 Dated a girl I work with for 6 months. She talks about marraige and having kids. Said things like when we get married. blah blah blah. Went and looked at property to buy and all of that. THen she freaks out and thinks she is pregnant and is stressing big time. Week later we get in a big ass fight. I didn't talk to her for two days even though she called 4 to 5 times each day. When I answer she's like were have you been, what are you doing, you know the third degree about not answering or calling her back. She is use to getting her way but I didn't give it to her. Anyway, she is pissed off. Out of the blue she says I need some time to think about what I want. I said let's break up then she said no you're acting like it's already over. I said usually that means it is. She said don't do anything foolish and don't be to prideful to answer the phone if I call. I said whatever. (THis was a month and a half ago). She called me two dys later telling me her brother and girlfriend broke up and that she had her period and wasn't pregnant. Told me I was a sweet guy and she was going to call me back after she took a nap. Put into place no contact when she didn't call back. 10 Days later I see her out with another guy. We work together I have ignored her or tried to act indifferent. SHe tried to include me in several ways into a Christmas play. A female coworker (attractive) whom is married is after me and my ex ask someone if I would have anything to do with her. Coworker said no way! Told a coworker that the breakup must not be bothering me to much that I was already seeing someone else which I am. Last week she tried to speak to me about something I told her that I wasn't worried about it and didn't care. She told a coworker that I wouldn't even talk to her. She comes into the break room during my lunch about every other day and talks to other people. I catch her staring at me. I just leave her alone at work I show her no attention as much as possible because I have to be around her a little the job requires it. THis week she has her boyfriend come to work which did bother me I can't lie. I just would like a little insight on what is her deal since she dumped me. She hasn't called me on the phone since the Im not pregnant. Can't figure this girl out. Is she playing games? If so does anyone have any advise on what told do? Let me have it straight please I like honesty which is hard to get tese days? Ha ha
johan Posted December 18, 2004 Posted December 18, 2004 "No contact" is a last resort to protect yourself from someone who has proven to be no good for you and is keeping you from moving on and healing. It isn't a tool to manipulate someone or to deliver a message while you're in a relationship. You went out for 6 months and were thinking long term. Then you had a fight and decided you wouldn't talk to her for 2 days. I assume that was just to show her that you didn't like her attitude. She called you 4 to 5 times a day and you wouldn't answer, and she knows you did it on purpose. She didn't call you after her nap so you "instituted no contact". I presume that was also unilateral, and she must have tried to get in touch with you during that time. Again she knows it was on purpose. Now she's given up on you and you're wondering what's up. It's simple: she got the message loud and clear that you aren't interested in talking. To a woman that's the same as saying you aren't interested in her. You played games and you didn't win. That's the risk you take. It sounds to me like you were way too willing to just shut her out, and sooner or later you have to figure she's going to move on. Both times, when you decided to go with no contact, how did you expect her to respond?
Author finishedpartying Posted December 19, 2004 Author Posted December 19, 2004 No she never tried to contact me after that and was out with the new guy she is dating now in like a week.
johan Posted December 19, 2004 Posted December 19, 2004 It's hard to say what's up with her. I think you were too eager to cut her off though.
Author finishedpartying Posted December 19, 2004 Author Posted December 19, 2004 Is she rubbing her new boyfriend in my face or what? They have been seeing each other since halloween. Why does she do these things at work? Did she run away? SHe was crazy over me but then said it just didn't feel right She really gave us no chance she said "nows not the right time I can't" so I left her alone. I really did care for her and still walking a delicate line. I can go on without her but that isn't what I would really like but may have to live with. She is very insecure even though she is beautiful. I really don't know what to do? I'm 27 she is 24. Just wondering if this guy means anything? Because yes I am dating I think about her. Just seen if anyone has been in this situation and had any words of knowledge. I know every situation is different?
alphamale Posted December 19, 2004 Posted December 19, 2004 Originally posted by johan "No contact" is a last resort to protect yourself from someone who has proven to be no good for you and is keeping you from moving on and healing. It isn't a tool to manipulate someone or to deliver a message while you're in a relationship. the above is totally wrong
Good heart Posted December 19, 2004 Posted December 19, 2004 she is using him to get your attention back, soon his heart will be broken unless you spare him that and dump her totally...........
Chris_T. Posted December 19, 2004 Posted December 19, 2004 She is using him to get a rise out of you. She wants you to see that she is desirable to other men and make you chase her. Don't fall for it. I have made the same mistake in the past.
Author finishedpartying Posted December 20, 2004 Author Posted December 20, 2004 why is she trying to show me she is disirable to other guys I know they have been dating. She thinks I hate her. I have never told her that. I acted like the guy at work never happened. I didn't call her or say anything to any coworkers about it. Just wondering what her deal is or is she over it. Any advice on what to do.
Author finishedpartying Posted December 20, 2004 Author Posted December 20, 2004 Sh'es the one who broke it off not me so I can't completely dump her.
alphamale Posted December 20, 2004 Posted December 20, 2004 Originally posted by alphamale the above is totally wrong Originally posted by helena abadi Alphamale, why is it totally wrong? Johan is incorrect because No Contact Rule can be utilized at any time in a relationship to prove many points, such as: - showing partner you are mad - showing partner you may be trying to end relationship - getting back at parnter for something he/she did - to de-stress yourself and spend time alone - time used to think about relationship without interference from other party - and many other reasons
TotallyUsed Posted December 20, 2004 Posted December 20, 2004 Johan is incorrect because No Contact Rule can be utilized at any time in a relationship to prove many points, such as: - showing partner you are mad - showing partner you may be trying to end relationship - getting back at parnter for something he/she did - to de-stress yourself and spend time alone - time used to think about relationship without interference from other party - and many other reasons Woah!!!! Excuse me?! Are we talking relationships or fun and games?! Showing a partner you are mad? COMMUNICATE - Tell them why you are mad and solve the issue! Showing a partner you may be trying to end relationship - COMMUNICATE - tell them its over?! Getting back at a partner - OK I'M GETTING MAD MYSELF NOW - get OVER yourself!!!! To de-stress yourself and spend time alone - COMMUNICATE - I need "me time" and this is why... Time used to think about.... AGAIN COMMUNICATE - I'm having a problem, I need time alone No offence, but I need to cool down after that! Relationships are about COMMUNICATION and not stupid "can't catch me" games!
Author finishedpartying Posted December 20, 2004 Author Posted December 20, 2004 Anyone with any advice on what my ex is up to or is it nothing at all. I am the dumpee just read the above post. Is it true she is trying to get my attention. If so, why? She is with someone new and left me.
helena abadi Posted December 20, 2004 Posted December 20, 2004 Taking time to chill out in a relationship, to defuse tension because conflict is always better solved when the situation is calm -- that's good. Using No Contact as a weapon -- that's dumb. John Gray in his book Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus, talks about men going into their caves to chill becoz that's how they deal with conflict. Women like the talking option, because instinctively, that's what they do. There has to be respect for both options, but also from those positions there are grounds for compromise. No Contact in the strictest sense best for ending a relationship. And that's it. Finishedpartying, she is giving you the run around!
Author finishedpartying Posted December 20, 2004 Author Posted December 20, 2004 what do you mean by she is giving me the run around? I haven't talked to her. insight please
savethedrama4allama Posted December 20, 2004 Posted December 20, 2004 Originally posted by johan Now she's given up on you and you're wondering what's up. It's simple: she got the message loud and clear that you aren't interested in talking. To a woman that's the same as saying you aren't interested in her. You played games and you didn't win. That's the risk you take. It sounds to me like you were way too willing to just shut her out, and sooner or later you have to figure she's going to move on. Both times, when you decided to go with no contact, how did you expect her to respond? Johan hit the nail on the head. You can't just not talk to your girlfriend for two days (especially when she's scared she may be pregnant) and expect her NOT to take that as you've broken up. Now you're seeing others but you're upset about her boyfriend and think she's rubbing it in your face? You didn't contact her, she has every right to move on, at least as much right as YOU have granted yourself. Get over it!! She probably doesn't care what you think, let alone care enough to try to rub a new relationship in your face.
Author finishedpartying Posted December 20, 2004 Author Posted December 20, 2004 She was freaking out because we had had sex and she thought I came in her, but I didn't I showed her the condom. Two days later she was freaking out about putting on a couple of pounds. I told her that if she was I would be there for her and we would get married, but that she was worrying over nothing that you couldn't tell if you were pregnant in two days.
helena abadi Posted December 20, 2004 Posted December 20, 2004 if she's just trying to show you she's desirable to someone else, then she's giving you the runaround and playing cruel games with your heart. maybe she has just moved on. do you have any direct contact? do you have any indication she has genuine feelings for you now? how long do you want to wait for her? she sounds like she doesn't want to be committed to anything right now, and perhaps you do.
Teag Posted December 22, 2004 Posted December 22, 2004 IF you work with her, its hard to avoid her so talk to her. Stop ignoring her, tell her how you feel & ask her how she TRUELY feels. If things were that serious between the two of you then it shouldn't end just like that. It seems petty. The only thing you can do is talk to her unless you want things to stay like they are. How long have ya'll been broke up? She probably is trying to make you jealous by bringing her new bf around you. Like I said call her & talk to her or talk to her at work, you were together for 6 months, it shouldn't be that hard. Good Luck
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