GreenCap Posted December 18, 2004 Posted December 18, 2004 Been on this forum for two weeks all sad and depressed as I couldn't fathom out why my ex broke off so abruptly and then how she met this new guy within three months of our breakup and indicated that she'll marry him. She's on the plane right now flying to his place and then they will go together to see her parents. My ego and heart was heart because I was depressed that I could not give her what this new person could give to her in three months. But you know, that effing b$%#$, I found out today she was playing me behind my back - she was saying all sorts of nasty things of how inadequate I was in loving her, treating her right etc. but all effing excuses to make herself feel better. I want to get even, time for payback! Any suggestions?
johan Posted December 18, 2004 Posted December 18, 2004 she was saying all sorts of nasty things of how inadequate I was in loving her, treating her right etc. but all effing excuses to make herself feel better. I'm sure this won't make you feel better, but I think you already got your payback. She gave it to you when she became a disloyal, lying cheat. She gets to carry on in her life as she is, while you get to learn and become a better person. As long as you emerge from this without becoming too cynical and angry, you're the one who got the better deal. Let her live as she is and be proud that you never treated her that way yourself and you'd never treat anyone that way.
masaki1085 Posted December 18, 2004 Posted December 18, 2004 My suggestion is to be the better person and just leave it be. Obviously, by her actions, she does not respect the time you have spent together and the experiences you have shared. And naturally, this hurts. And usually our natural response is retribution; hurt the other person because that person hurt us. You have to ask yourself how "paying her back" is really going to pay off for you in the long run. Will it cause more problems? Is it worth it to deal with the BS that will probably rise from the payback? What she is saying to other people about you is inconsequential to your life now. She has moved on, and you should too if she feels this way. You deserve better, and you should move on with some integrity. People in your circle will hold you with higher respect, and in the long run you'll be happier by not creating a mess that doesn't need to be created. Don't view yourself as the victim that needs to rise up. Stay out of contact with her.
Weird Posted December 18, 2004 Posted December 18, 2004 Payback will happen when she marries this guy, gets knocked up by him, gains 35 pounds and then gets divorced because this guy cheats on her with some nice piece of ass (while doing lines of coke off her boobies) and she then thinks about you and wishes she could be with you. That will be your payback
daphne Posted December 18, 2004 Posted December 18, 2004 he he. weird, you strike again. yes, that would be the ultimate payback. I really do believe that the good guys/gals get the payback in the end by having good karma which in return brings us a better quality of life. But that requires lotsa patience. Hang in there. No revenge necessary. What goes around DOES come back around.
Weird Posted December 18, 2004 Posted December 18, 2004 But that requires lotsa patience. Hang in there. No revenge necessary. What goes around DOES come back around. Totally agree with you Daphne. Patience is the key
sandra parker Posted December 18, 2004 Posted December 18, 2004 So sorry for all the crap in you rlife right now. BUT... Living well is the best revenge. Who knows why people do what they do/ It takes so much energy trying to figure it out does'nt it? If the situation were that both of you were trying to salvage the relationship all the figuring out would be in order. She is living her life and we all need to realize that we have one too. I know it just sucks big time but it is a proven fact that when people rush into things it usually does not last. Think about this: why and how could you want to be with someone like this? Right now your emotions are all raw but eventually I promise you that you will see the light and thank God for blessing you with her departure so that someone wonderful will come into your life. It will happen, you'll see. We can't stop believing in love and all the great things it stands for just because there was an oops in our lives. Have faith, try to push all the negative crap out of your head. Smile and hold your head up and help someone that is worse off than yourself right now. This will cure all that ails you. Much happiness to you, Sandra
Miss Perfection Posted December 19, 2004 Posted December 19, 2004 YES!! The BEST revenge is living well and when she finds out that the break up didnt phase you one bit....shes going to be more attracted to you and probably want you back.(women want what they cant have) When and IF this happens....YOU CAN GIVE HER A BIG F*CK YOU or play with her emotions like she played with yours. Most women are like what you described....they'll find another guy while dating or find another guy within weeks after a break up. They cant stand the THOUGHT of being alone..... I have more to say but im tired right now
alphamale Posted December 19, 2004 Posted December 19, 2004 Originally posted by GreenCap I want to get even, time for payback! Any suggestions? GreenCap: Work on yourself to make youself a better person. Then go out and find a new woman and make your ex a long lost memory.
moon Posted December 19, 2004 Posted December 19, 2004 Rent the movie "The First Wives Club" or "She Devil" and maybe you'll get some ideas. Or maybe you'll just start to feel better and realize revenge isn't so sweet. I think revenge doesn't always work out so well. It depends on what it is. Sleeping with anybody related to her or a part of her inner circle (friends, work associates) will only make you look like a total jerk and you'll feel worse about it in the end. Trying to break up her current relationship is what some people try to do. But that usually just makes you look needy and desperate. Dating somebody else just to get even with her (then driving by her house repeatedly) will probably make her feel jealous, but you might just waste time dating the wrong person and hurt that person you are with. So, what can you do that wouldn't hurt you in the process? I don't know. I was reading somewhere the other day that when one guy dumped a girl she created a frenzy at his apartment complex. She called pizza delivery people, a plumber, Chinese take-out, the fire department, the media (claiming a big story was happening) and any other take out or repair person she could think of. She set up appointments and deliveries all at the same time. The road to her exes house was swarming with all sorts of vans and delivery trucks....the fire department were there (false alarm fire), the media was set up. I guess it was a real circus. Kind of made me laugh. I guess you can try to remember this quote I heard once, "Justice is patient, but it does not forget." Or of course "What comes around goes around."
theone44 Posted December 19, 2004 Posted December 19, 2004 Originally posted by GreenCap Been on this forum for two weeks all sad and depressed as I couldn't fathom out why my ex broke off so abruptly and then how she met this new guy within three months of our breakup and indicated that she'll marry him. She's on the plane right now flying to his place and then they will go together to see her parents. My ego and heart was heart because I was depressed that I could not give her what this new person could give to her in three months. But you know, that effing b$%#$, I found out today she was playing me behind my back - she was saying all sorts of nasty things of how inadequate I was in loving her, treating her right etc. but all effing excuses to make herself feel better. I want to get even, time for payback! Any suggestions? The best reverge is to move on,become successful,love your life and live like it no tomorrow.
bebop Posted December 19, 2004 Posted December 19, 2004 Originally posted by Miss Perfection YES!! The BEST revenge is living well and when she finds out that the break up didnt phase you one bit....shes going to be more attracted to you and probably want you back.(women want what they cant have) When and IF this happens....YOU CAN GIVE HER A BIG F*CK YOU or play with her emotions like she played with yours. Most women are like what you described....they'll find another guy while dating or find another guy within weeks after a break up. They cant stand the THOUGHT of being alone..... I have more to say but im tired right now You need help.
Author GreenCap Posted December 19, 2004 Author Posted December 19, 2004 Thanks for the various opinions. I understand this is not an easy period and I give the same suggestion all around but somehow when the pin is pricking your own skin, rationality flies out the window. I do have to move on and build my life. People keep telling me that I need to improve myself - I am not sure what that means. Does it mean that because I did not improve myself she left me? That I infact did something wrong? I realize that it always takes two hands to clap and I somewhere in our three years together did something or did not do something and she harbored this resentment to go out and find another person to fulfill this missing piece. My hurt is tha she did not spend the time to talk to communicate her feelings instead bottling it up and eating her up like a cancer and then run away. When we had some rough patches prior, my biggest comment was please let me know if something is bothering you. I may not be aware of things eventhough I feel that I should since I am the man of the house. She always agreed but yet never practices it. Prior to our breakup, we had just returned from a cruise vacation to Alaska building many memories and happiness. She enjoyed herself and we had a great time and a month later, she wanted out. I work at my relationships, revitalize it. It is just sad that she does not treasure it. Payback or no payback, her life is hers now - plus I wouldn't know even if unhappiness befell. I promised her parents that I would take care of her, love her etc.....her parents were so happy and have accepted me as the unofficial son-in-law. And now, her parents will meet their new unoffical son-in-law sometime in the next week. We are both from away and we had promised to love and take care of each other, we are the only family we have, and she is, no, was my best friend. Sad really. I still love her but don't know whether I can stand another betrayal. I am not sure whether I am at the stage where I need professional therapy. But I know that is always an option.
sandra parker Posted December 19, 2004 Posted December 19, 2004 Hi again, Miss Perfection: Why the gender issue???My ex is a male and he can't be alone. Personalities are personalities, they aren't different because of the sex of the person. The comments you made fit my ex, unless he had a sex change somewhere along the line.... Greencap: Have faith and take care of yourself! That's all you can do now that will give you positive results. My ex broke up with me right after a trip too. There are so many good reads out there. Go to Borders and browse through the self-help section. It has been 4 months for me and I still struggle with stuff. The reason we work on ourselves is not for the ex's benefit. It is for our own so that when we meet someone else we will be able to give that new relationship 100%. It is for the sole purpose of us finding peace and happiness. This is a terrible time of year to be dealing with all this stuff. I had a real bad day yesterday, but we will be able to move on by taking steps, even baby ones, one step at a time. Tony Robbins has some good things to say, look him up. Take are, Sandra
debs Posted December 19, 2004 Posted December 19, 2004 [font=courier new][/font][color=indigo][/color] GreenCap I have thought of some fun ways of getting revenge and at this time could wipe both of them off the net with taking all email's and things online, but for what? To serve some underlying hatred? Why bother! As I have learned in 9 months the best revenge is to be happy or even put a false front! Go to the gym, eat well and work hard! It serves no purpose in getting revenge because in the end you will be the villain! Sometimes it is just the growing apart, the growing up in some instances and maybe we love to much! Please reconsider this "revenge" feelings. I know it hurts and it sucks this time of year but take it day by day and just live your life as hard as it is and know all of us do care and are here even though it is on this electronic box! Have a great Sunday! ~deb~
bebop Posted December 19, 2004 Posted December 19, 2004 I am not sure whether I am at the stage where I need professional therapy. But I know that is always an option. I didn't mean you, GreenCap. I meant Miss Perfection, whose handle should read Miss Ogynist.
Author GreenCap Posted December 19, 2004 Author Posted December 19, 2004 I was chatting with a friend last night and I was told that during these three months, my love for her has turned to possessiveness and ego. That I don't actually love her anymore given the betrayal but just want to possess her for ego's sake as in "how dare she do this to me, I wish her life sucks etc". It really got me thinking - how sick in the head I have become. She probably thinks what I useless spineless bugger I am and that she is thankful she left me. I mean, I called her as she was stepping onto the plane "Please don't go", I said. How pathetic!!!!!! This will definitely gel in her mind that I am needy, immature and weak - how can she expect me to take care of her in this pathetic state that I am in. Yeah, self improvement - recognize my follies and take it one step at a time to heal and no more contact, out of my life, she never exisited. THis two weeks that she is away, it will be a good start. Thanks again for the comfort all.
debs Posted December 19, 2004 Posted December 19, 2004 btw GreenCap check your profile page for your PMs....... I am off to work earlier than normal someone has a children's function and being one who's child is grown I am going for noon today! GreenCap *sigh* yeah I wish I could say he never existed and that he is dead but it my brain just won't listen! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! There is nothing neither of us can do about the other one but to suck up and go on and no I do not communicate with him at all now since the divorce, no reasons to continue with such a lying false faced person who didn't even give anything back after the second 7 months of our so called "us"!!!! lmao anytime he did contact me he wanted something usually money! I would think, he has got to be kidding me support him and his skank????? How incredibly stupid of the man. Yes I am focusing on the negatives right now, anger is a great defense to allow your feelings as to why this happened sink in! Mine was a selfish self centered immature twit who was used to others doing for him and now he has to do everything for her which I do hope he grows up! My one regret was not following my gut feelings 2 years ago when I helped him get out of Hawaii! Supposedly, To start a life of responsibility and a life for us!
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 19, 2004 Posted December 19, 2004 Getting even is useless if your ex is completely indifferent to you. There really is no point. Put it this way: think of all the time you are putting into being hurt, betrayed, angry, and plotting revenge - all because of her. How many minutes out of the day do you think she spends thinking of you? None? Its really just a waste of energy to plot revenge on someone who has moved on. They don't care what you do, and any revenge you take is just going to make her even more glad that she got rid of you. I'm saying this because I fell into the same trap that you did - some years ago I got ditched hardcore during the holidays by the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Instead of proposing like I thought he was doing, he looked deep into my eyes and said "I don't love you anymore". I begged, cried. I hurt. I was betrayed, lost - my world was crashing down. I spent a good deal of time thinking about him - hating him, trying to think of ways to destroy his happiness. Do you know what he was doing? Being happy. Meeting other women. He met a woman, proposed to her and had a huge romantic wedding in Rome. Now, how often do you think he thought of me during that process? If he did, it was only in the context of being happy that he was away from me. I wasted time. I wasted energy. I wasted emotion. You are spending so much time obsessed with ruining her happiness that you are failing to pursue your own. Eventually I let it go, and found someone who made ME happy that things had not worked out with HIM. You'll get there eventually. The only person you are hurting with the idea of revenge is yourself. I hope that you can get to the point where you are indifferent to her and can move on with your own happiness.
XNemesisX Posted December 19, 2004 Posted December 19, 2004 I can tell you from an ex-revenge queen's perspective..... Revenge does no good but cause even more problems. After my last breakup in May, some of my friends pushed some revenge (what he did was pretty sh*tty too, I won't even get into that right now...it was just horrible what he did to me) My friends egged his car, vandalized it, and his email got tampered with let's just say that. It didn't do any good but make me feel even worse. Of course, at first I laughed about it but it really didn't make me feel a lot better. We did get back together, surprisingly. Probably because he knew that what he did was so awful that he probably did deserve it. However, it just wasn't worth it. It sucks, I know. You want to kill them even. Trust me, even if we don't all come out and admit it....it is natural to want to get revenge when someone treats you with such total disregard. It is enough to make anyone enraged! Anything short of killing the person will make you look childish and psycho (and then you are no longer seen as a victim but a psychopath and then SHE becomes the victim). And if you kill them you end up in prison the rest of your life....just not worth any of it. I will have to disagree with some of the people on here. what goes around does NOT always come around. I talked to my mom earlier today about this and she confirmed it to me that that is just what we like to tell ourselves to feel that in some way we will get justice indirectly for how people have wronged us. No such thing as what goes around comes around, at least I am coming to that conclusion right now. If you can think of something clever that she wouldn't know it was you, you could try that. But since I don't know the whole situation I can't help you think of anything. Probably the best bet is to just let it go. I know how hard it is, but right now you are just extremely angry. The anger will pass. Its not worth a criminal record, just remember that Sure is tempting though isn't it? Ok I wil shut up now....
Author GreenCap Posted December 21, 2004 Author Posted December 21, 2004 I hear ya all. No point in wasting energy. Better to use it on how to fall in love again Thanks all. I guess we've discussed getting even to death (pardon the pun). But then again, what I had in mind did not involve physical harm, mostly getting even in terms of emotional perhaps mental sense. Cheers and Merry Christmas.
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