Lordhellish Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 Well its been 8 months since my ex broke up with me. I wont go into the detail of that, but it was a 6 year relationship, just bought a house together, for me it was out of the blue. We didn't argue, there was no discussion, I just came home and she told me she met someone else. A week later they were living together and they are still together. I went to counselling and worked on myself. I wont say I have become a happier person being single, because I am not. I was in love, I thought it was going to last, and I have taken time to come to terms with the change, but I am stable now. I understand her idiosyncrasies, and there is very little emotion towards her anymore. She has problems relating to her past, I know they still haunt her, but it was no reason or excuse, she made her choice as an adult and it was my job to move on. I am blessed with having a fantastic group of friends, and due to the nature of breakup I remained on good terms with all the mutual friends. She cut everyone off. I even remained very good friends with her sister, as well as remaining guardian to her niece and nephew. I was sat down by her sister straight after the breakup and said if I wanted to be a part of the kids lives still then I am welcome around anytime. Her colleagues also kept in touch from a distance, and met up with them twice in 8 months. So 7 months NC and I get two emails from her in one day. Hate filled is the best way of describing them. She gave her sister an ultimatium to choose between us, unbeknownst to me at the time. Her sister refused to choose because we are both important to the kids. These emails to me are full of swearing, saying I have no morals (she lied, cheated, and ran out on her responsibilities leaving me to tidy up the finances), and that I dont even have the decency to reply. I am also being blamed for her work relationships failing, and not moving on with my life. I have being rather comically and unsuccessfully trying to date in the last 4 months. I hardly think about her, and I steadfastly refuse to talk about her. I am at a loss to explain this hatred. I let her go, I cleaned up her mess, refused to bad mouth her, worked on myself. Under normal circumstances I guess remaining friends with siblings is unusual, but she did ask her sister to remain friends with me, and our friendship is now independent of my ex. To suddenly be told to get out of her life when we haven't spoken in so long was a shock. I don't know whether to calmly reply, ignoring the obvious volatile points (including having no morals). Basically to just say "hi, thanks for the email, the house is coming on, the cat is OK, my mum and dad say hi, etc etc" Or just ignore it. Should I just assume this is delayed emotions from the breakup? She decided to move on, to what she thinks are better things. If she is happy then why is it any of her concern what I am upto? Anyone care to share some wisdom? I am too close to this to comprehend it.
Fufu Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 Well its been 8 months since my ex broke up with me. I wont go into the detail of that, but it was a 6 year relationship, just bought a house together, for me it was out of the blue. We didn't argue, there was no discussion, I just came home and she told me she met someone else. A week later they were living together and they are still together. I went to counselling and worked on myself. I wont say I have become a happier person being single, because I am not. I was in love, I thought it was going to last, and I have taken time to come to terms with the change, but I am stable now. I understand her idiosyncrasies, and there is very little emotion towards her anymore. She has problems relating to her past, I know they still haunt her, but it was no reason or excuse, she made her choice as an adult and it was my job to move on. I am blessed with having a fantastic group of friends, and due to the nature of breakup I remained on good terms with all the mutual friends. She cut everyone off. I even remained very good friends with her sister, as well as remaining guardian to her niece and nephew. I was sat down by her sister straight after the breakup and said if I wanted to be a part of the kids lives still then I am welcome around anytime. Her colleagues also kept in touch from a distance, and met up with them twice in 8 months. So 7 months NC and I get two emails from her in one day. Hate filled is the best way of describing them. She gave her sister an ultimatium to choose between us, unbeknownst to me at the time. Her sister refused to choose because we are both important to the kids. These emails to me are full of swearing, saying I have no morals (she lied, cheated, and ran out on her responsibilities leaving me to tidy up the finances), and that I dont even have the decency to reply. I am also being blamed for her work relationships failing, and not moving on with my life. I have being rather comically and unsuccessfully trying to date in the last 4 months. I hardly think about her, and I steadfastly refuse to talk about her. I am at a loss to explain this hatred. I let her go, I cleaned up her mess, refused to bad mouth her, worked on myself. Under normal circumstances I guess remaining friends with siblings is unusual, but she did ask her sister to remain friends with me, and our friendship is now independent of my ex. To suddenly be told to get out of her life when we haven't spoken in so long was a shock. I don't know whether to calmly reply, ignoring the obvious volatile points (including having no morals). Basically to just say "hi, thanks for the email, the house is coming on, the cat is OK, my mum and dad say hi, etc etc" Or just ignore it. Should I just assume this is delayed emotions from the breakup? She decided to move on, to what she thinks are better things. If she is happy then why is it any of her concern what I am upto? Anyone care to share some wisdom? I am too close to this to comprehend it. Just ignore her. Don't reply to feed her ego. 2
Haydn Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 She just wants to see if you still have any feelings for her. She wants to know if she still has any power. Sounds like her life is not so good and she realises that now. But you have done a great job of moving on. Dont respond at all. I received some similar mails a month after she left me. Nasty and full of anger. I replied because i was an idiot! I fed her ego for a bit longer. Dont do it. You sound like you have got your life on track. Dont let her back in. Take care. 2
Author Lordhellish Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 OK, not responding seems to be the consensus of friends this morning that I trust and have read the emails. She wasn't around to give me answers when I needed them. And nothing I say will improve anything for either of us. Not sure it is an ego thing on her part, more just misplaced emotion. Rather than look at herself and her actions and take some responsibility for bad decisions, everything is my fault. Or my NC could be driving her mad. That's MY ego talking. Thanks for the replies. It helped to write it down. 1
faithfully Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 Ywaahh please dont entertain her stupidity!! You ignoring her would drive her insane and crazy. Whatever you do dont contact. Sound like ur doing great 1
barky2 Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 Power. As stated before. She's casting out a line to see what's on the hook. Her life isn't going to plan, so she's trying to take a dig at you, to make you feel equally as bad. Well isn't that sweet. Op, smile, her life isn't green grass and roses. I bet she stepping to a big pile of cow poo. Smile knowing you're on her mind, smile knowing you "won". Dating is actually funny after a breakup, you see it with friends and in movie on how it's suppose to go, and sometimes it's the complete opposite. But have some fun with it. Good job op, like I said to another poster, if this was my boy who told me this, I'd say don't be surprised if this isn't just the beginning. Block what you can, you don't deserve it. Barky 4
Author Lordhellish Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 Cheers Barky your words made me smile. The opening line of her first email was "Get out of my f**king life". While not very pleasant just makes me think actually its not anything I have done, its just that I am on her mind. Dangerous way of thinking possibly, but it does feel like some power has been returned as she was indifferent from the minute after the breakup. But I have now blocked her email addresses, don't need that kind of crap in my life. First dates are hilarious with hindsight.
barky2 Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 Lol clearly she's not indifferent. Something made nostalgia kick in, maybe mad bc you haven't begged ect? SOME women dumpers bandaid their feelings with someone new. They will one day go into water, and that bandaid will fall off. Hense your situation. Oh ya i musta went on 20 first dates when my ex and u broke up, granted I met a lot of genuinely awesome women, I feel like every single one I was on a hidden camera show lol Barky
aybc123 Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 If i had to guess id say shes feeling threatened by the fact that you're friends with her sister, involved with her nephew&niece, go for nights out with her work colleagues. plus that you got all of the mutual friends. to be honest she kinda has a right to be pissed off and i think i'd feel the same way, you're messing with her family and why on earth would you go meet with her work friends. 1
Chi townD Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 To me, it sounds like her and her sister had a row and you came up in conversation. Her sister probably went to bat for you and pretty much told her that she was an idiot for giving up on you. That's probably what set her off on that email. I mean, the central topic of that email revolved around her sister mainly, right? 1
Author Lordhellish Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 Yes it was mainly about her sister. that her sister thinks more highly of me than her, that it isn't right to still be friends. etc etc. In the original version there is a lot more swearing. It started on Saturday when they were organising a visit. I was due to babysit the kids from 1pm, my ex was told that she would have to come in the morning and she blew her lid. Gave an ultimatum but was told to grow up. Its been 8 months. It hasn't been a secret, she specifically asked at the break up for the sister and kids to carry on seeing me. Its only now become an issue. And everytime my ex visited she would ask about me, the house, the cat. Want to see photos etc. I didn't know any of this until yesterday. So I guess either this has been building for a long time or something else has happened in her own life, because I haven't changed my behaviour. I feel quite sad about the whole thing now. The breakup was bad enough for feeling worthless, I had just started to feel normal again. Was already dreading Christmas and New Year being single....
Sugarkane Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 How are you even still friends with all the mutual friends and family after the breakup? I found people were still happy to take the cheaters side, no matter what.
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